To leave 14 year old daughter to sort it herself??

[Ginmakesitallok]

Dd is going on school trip - leaving Friday night. She has taken NO responsibility for anything yet. I had to call the school yesterday to get details of drop off/pick up times, luggage requirements, pocket money details etc because (despite having multiple meetings during school time) she kept forgetting to ask 😕. For the past 3 or 4 weeks I've been asking if she needs anything - did shop for new boots etc at weekend.

Tonight I've asked ter to sort out what she's taking - do I can get washing done. She just stood beside me on her phone while I got things out for her. I lost it and told her to do her own washing. She then apologised. I asks her again to sort out what she's bringing. Apparently she doesn't have anything. She doesn't want to bring anything I suggest.

I've had enough. I called her a selfish ungrateful madam. She can sort it herself. I was going to go get her passport etc sorted. Bug she can do it herself.

I am so angry!

how are you going to get her passport sorted in 2 days?

It's in a drawer! Get sorted = put it in her bag

She’s 14, I’m not sure why you were considering packing her bag for her anyway?

Leave her to do it. Especially the passport.

Because if I didn't we'd get to Friday and everything she wanted to take would need washing.

Take a massive step back, but let her know that if she asks (nicely) for help, she can have it. At 14 she should be able to do this herself.

She’s just being a teenager. Most schools would supply a suggested clothing list but if there isn’t one, why don’t you draw up a list- coat, hat, pjs and so on and then let her pack for herself. Forget the washing! Pick your arguments- that wouldn’t be one of mine. Deep breath.

My 8 year old can do better than this (but I wouldn't let him near his passport).

FFS. big post then lost it. To summarise - put passport on worktop then bail out and leave her to get on with it. Worst case scenario is she misses trip - She won't die.

Would you expect the same level of personal responsibility from your son?

I remain bewildered why school hasn't sent times, travel plans etc home via parent mail. Much as I hate spoon feeding, some parents clearly need it and lists have always contained the clothing needed eg one pair hiking boots, one pair swim trunks, etc

Ok, she listened to you and apologised. Start again -I guess she is super nervous about going away, and anxious about ‘wearing the wrong clothes’. You need to figure out a way to help her and soothe her. She may be on her phone, but that is just teen head in the sand not wanting to admit they are struggling. Also, teens are last minute, she may not be able to compute friday this early in the week.

Well she won't miss the trip!! It cost a bloody fortune for us.

I don't have a son?? And yes, I would expect exactly the same if I did have one??

Teacher was going to leave information for her in office - she didn't collect it. There was an info evening, but 2 days notice and we had previous plans which couldn't be changed.

I feel you’re pain OP. I can just imagine a big strop the night before when she realises her favourite top or jeans are in the wash. It’s tricky because I assume that you have paid a lot of money for the trip and don’t want to risk her missing out if she forgets her passport.

Just leave her to it. Make sure she has the passport before she leaves but other than that worse thing that will happen if she doesn't pack appropriately is she will borrow stuff from someone else or buy it out there. She won't die from lack of clean socks!

Although I wouldn't be going nuts given her £££ of spending money if she hadn't been bothered to even ask what she needed - she'd be getting the bare minimum!

I'd also be tempted to ask her how she's getting there as you're going out now as you assumed as she hadn't asked you for a lift she'd sort d it herself - half an hour before shes due to go to see the panic on her face when she realises she just assumed you'd give a lift but then I'm mean!

Yanbu at all. My 7 and 9 year olds pack their own stuff when we go away so I’m sure a 14 year old can manage it!

Soothe her?

She's bloody 14 not 14 months!!!

OP YANBU. She can pack for herself, if she misses anything oh well, lesson learned for next time(both in what to pack and if your mum offers help,take it).
Your responsibility is to deliver her and passport to meeting point on friday.

And we've got the pleasure of a 3am drop off.....

Every school trip my DC had there was a payment schedule, letters to parents, lists, an information evening with power point ... we all felt quite involved whether we wanted to be or not

Seems odd you have no info at all.

In terms of dirty washing, I'd go postal. I presume this trip has cost actual money?

On the university thread, there were 18 years olds going away to uni with suitcases with dirty laundry. That was kind of funny because they'd have to deal with it themselves when they got there. But your DD is going on a short school trip and needs to deal with it now.

Not being obtuse but maybe she is not bothering to do anything because she knows you will just do it for her?

At that age I packed my own bag and passport because if I didn't, then I knew that no-one would, and I'd just end up going on holiday bagless.

X posted

Yolo - you're not being obtuse at all. Of course she knows I'll do it all for her. We'll she's in for a shock, because I'm not going to. I'll make sure she has her passport, her ehic card and her purse. The rest is up to her (wonder if she'll remember her phone charger and plug adapter)

She can sort it herself.
Yes, she can. She's 14, not 5.

I was going to go get her passport etc sorted.
Why were you? She's 14, not 5.

Bug she can do it herself.
Yes, she's 14 and completely capable.

Because if I didn't we'd get to Friday and everything she wanted to take would need washing.
So what? Consequences.