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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends Message about DH, WWYD?

139 replies

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:33

DH and I have been married for 18 months and have a 2.5 year old together.

On Monday, two sisters I know as they are my mums friends daughters, messaged me separately on Facebook the first message said she'd seen DHs photo on Tindr, and the second sister said she'd seen his name and photo on POF. When I asked for a screenshot/s of the profiles they both said "I'm sure it's him" and logged off.

I've asked a different friend whose single to create profiles on both as she lives close enough to us that if it was him he'd come up in her potential dates or whatever section I've never online dated I trust that she would tell me if she saw my DH on a dating site as she's one of my closest friends and godmother to my daughter, she says she can't see him on there at all.

I've messaged the sisters again separately asking for screenshot/s and exactly what sites they saw him on. But neither have replied, but a 3rd sister (there's about a dozen of them all women!) has messaged me, even though we're not friends, claiming that sisters 1 and 2 wouldn't lie to me and they did see him on there. Friend has checked again and has been keeping an eye on the apps over the last few days but says she cannot see him on there.

I'm inclined to believe my friend that he's not on the sites, as firstly DH never goes anywhere but work, our daughters Nursery, the local takeaway, his parents house with our daughter and if he was having an affair or dating they'd certainly tell me about it as they told SILs boyfriend when she was cheating on him and to the doctors. DH also has a medical condition that means he uses a suprapubic catheter through his tummy we call it the plastic penis and he gets anxious about me seeing and I'm his wife, watched it be inserted and have helped him get used to it and don't find it scary/odd at all, but I know he worries what other people will think if they found out/saw it, and he keeps it covered most of the time, so I'm inclined to think that would mean he'd not be dating with it. DHs behaviour has not changed at all recently, he's no more or less affectionate, we're still having sex when we've not got a toddler in our bed that is! he's still cooking meals and doing his share of the housework. He's always said he hates people who cheat and have affairs so 100% think these women are lying.

So WWYD? Do I press the sisters for more info? Ask DH or just let it drop? Friend says the sisters are trying to cause drama as they like drama. And what do I do about the sisters? They're my mums best friends daughters so while I don't see them much there are some events I have to attend that they will go to.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 27/10/2017 19:36

I think maybe tell him these 2 nasty bitches have said and laugh it off, they're clearly idiots.

Caprinihahahaha · 27/10/2017 19:37

Is the type of relationship you have with these three sisters the sort where you believe them to be very fond of you and acting out of your best interred.
Or are they possibly shit stirring acquaintances?

Sugarcoma · 27/10/2017 19:37

I think it’s weird they messaged you separately at the same time each mentioning a different site.

What’s your relationship been like with them in the past? Are they nasty people who are just shit stirring? And has anything changed recently between your mum and their mum that would possibly cause them to start trouble?

Sancerresanwine · 27/10/2017 19:37

I dunno it seems strange to me, do they have form for lying? If you trust your dh, you trust your dh though.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 27/10/2017 19:38

I'd ignore them. They had a chance to give proof and didnt. Some people just like to shit stir.

WorriedandExhausted · 27/10/2017 19:40

Seems a bit odd.

Sisters? talking about two diffrent sites? the cynic in me leads me to think its planed, or at least not completely random.

maybe their intentions are good, maybe they are trouble makers, only you know them well enough to decide which it is.

Mia184 · 27/10/2017 19:40

I would believe your friend and not the sisters.

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:40

I don't really have much to do with them, the odd liking of each others photos, the occasional "How are you?" type message and they were all invited to my wedding but not much more than that, I'd not consider them friends but not really acquaintances either IYSWIM . My mum and her friend seem fine last time I spoke to my mum about them. My mum and their mum have been friends years, at least since I was a toddler. These women are older than me but the 3rd sister is the same age as me.

OP posts:
HollyandBrambles · 27/10/2017 19:40

It seems a very strange thing to do, but from the information you’ve given I’d also say it’s very unlikely your DH is up to anything untoward. I’d bring it up with DH as you’ll only keep thinking about it, I don’t think hope you’ll be disappointed with his response. Does he know the weirdos sisters??

Mia184 · 27/10/2017 19:40

I would believe your friend and not the sisters.

Armadillostoes · 27/10/2017 19:41

If the roles were reversed surely you woukd expect CH to trust you? It sounds like he has done nothing to cause you to doubt him in any way.

Mia184 · 27/10/2017 19:41

... sorry for the double post Blush

DingDongDenny · 27/10/2017 19:42

Could it be someone who looks like your husband? Do they know him well?

Can you think of a reason as to why they would lie?

Your reasons for believing he wouldn't cheat seem pretty sound to me

Caprinihahahaha · 27/10/2017 19:43

They have no evidence, they talk about two different sites and they don't appear, from your op, to give a shit about you.

I'd ignore them unless what they said chimed with something that was bothering me

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:44

DH knows these sisters but only to say hello to in the street, he's never met any of them without me/my mum/my brother present, he probably wouldn't even know their names if he saw them.

OP posts:
BenLui · 27/10/2017 19:44

I’d tell my DH these women were telling lies about him, then I’d tell my Mum. And possibly their Mum.

I’d also drop them from all social media.

underthebluemoon · 27/10/2017 19:45

'He hates cheaters and affairs' - this is not a reliable indicator.

However they could not prove what they said and you say you have no reason not to trust him. File it under 'weird behaviour'.

Have you told him what they said? (I know the advice is to 'keep your tinder dry' but if you trust him fully then perhaps you need to have that discussion.)

RefuseTheLies · 27/10/2017 19:47

They could easily provide evidence by way of screenshots. That they haven't means they are lying.

Caprinihahahaha · 27/10/2017 19:47

Yes, that's a good idea BenLui.

I wonder how they'd react if you told them you are going to talk to DH and show him their messages

BabyLord · 27/10/2017 19:47

It sounds fishy, the sisters are definitely up to something weird.

It sounds like you have a great relationship and had no reason to have doubts before. These women sound like right weirdos.

BigFatGoalie · 27/10/2017 19:47

It sounds planned to me...
Let your friend keep an eye on the online profiles for another week, then chat to your DH about it.
If she finds nothing, I’d confront the sisters.
But i wouldn’t text or call them, id rock up on their doorsteps (possibly with DH in tow) and give it to them both barrels for lying, gossiping, trying to break up your marriage and spreading rumours.
If also inform your mum and her best friend.
But then I have no time for this sort of shit from other people.

hiddley · 27/10/2017 19:48

Hard to tell what to believe. Since they're reluctant to send screenshots, I'd be inclined to write it off as bullshit. Any particular motive for them being malicious that you can think of?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/10/2017 19:50

OP sounds odd on their part not his
Really strange behaviour

I would also be surprised given what you said . Keep your mate o line for checking but as you said reallly doesn't sound the type

What's up with these women Confused

MMcanny · 27/10/2017 19:51

Talk to your mum and your dh.

abbsisspartacus · 27/10/2017 19:51

Are they in your area ? Looking in your area? Do you think he could have gone on to boost his ego? But not take it anywhere? Does he have a brother?

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