Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Message about DH, WWYD?

139 replies

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:33

DH and I have been married for 18 months and have a 2.5 year old together.

On Monday, two sisters I know as they are my mums friends daughters, messaged me separately on Facebook the first message said she'd seen DHs photo on Tindr, and the second sister said she'd seen his name and photo on POF. When I asked for a screenshot/s of the profiles they both said "I'm sure it's him" and logged off.

I've asked a different friend whose single to create profiles on both as she lives close enough to us that if it was him he'd come up in her potential dates or whatever section I've never online dated I trust that she would tell me if she saw my DH on a dating site as she's one of my closest friends and godmother to my daughter, she says she can't see him on there at all.

I've messaged the sisters again separately asking for screenshot/s and exactly what sites they saw him on. But neither have replied, but a 3rd sister (there's about a dozen of them all women!) has messaged me, even though we're not friends, claiming that sisters 1 and 2 wouldn't lie to me and they did see him on there. Friend has checked again and has been keeping an eye on the apps over the last few days but says she cannot see him on there.

I'm inclined to believe my friend that he's not on the sites, as firstly DH never goes anywhere but work, our daughters Nursery, the local takeaway, his parents house with our daughter and if he was having an affair or dating they'd certainly tell me about it as they told SILs boyfriend when she was cheating on him and to the doctors. DH also has a medical condition that means he uses a suprapubic catheter through his tummy we call it the plastic penis and he gets anxious about me seeing and I'm his wife, watched it be inserted and have helped him get used to it and don't find it scary/odd at all, but I know he worries what other people will think if they found out/saw it, and he keeps it covered most of the time, so I'm inclined to think that would mean he'd not be dating with it. DHs behaviour has not changed at all recently, he's no more or less affectionate, we're still having sex when we've not got a toddler in our bed that is! he's still cooking meals and doing his share of the housework. He's always said he hates people who cheat and have affairs so 100% think these women are lying.

So WWYD? Do I press the sisters for more info? Ask DH or just let it drop? Friend says the sisters are trying to cause drama as they like drama. And what do I do about the sisters? They're my mums best friends daughters so while I don't see them much there are some events I have to attend that they will go to.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 27/10/2017 21:01

It sounds like a made up story. They both separately just happened to come across his profile today? Neither can send a photo or reply when you ask for a photo of the profile? I´m guessing they saw a profile with a man who looked similar, talked themselves into believing some dramatic story about it, and then decided to tell you. But really, they know it is nonsense, so they don´t want to show you the profile as then they will be exposed for their ridiculous behaviour. Put it out of your mind and ignore.

Desmondo2016 · 27/10/2017 21:05

What bitches. A part of me is kind of needing to know what the fuck they are playing at. Could you message them to say 'thanks for the info but have spoken with him and as expected you've been mistaken'

This will wind them RIGHT up, whatever ulterior motive they do have, will show them that your relationship is stronger than their silly games but if (and this I am absolutely sure will not be the outcome) there was anything true in what they said will at least provoke some kind of reaction to verify, on their part.

DobbyLovesSocks · 27/10/2017 21:07

Sounds like your DH has a doppelgänger and these sisters are either trying to stir up trouble or think they are being helpful. I would wait for them to contact you again and if they do, ask for screenshots etc.

The only detail of your OP that sticks out is that your friend says she can't see him, is it possible your friend and DH are seeing each other? See if you can look on POF etc without signing up (I think these sites give you 14-day free trial?). Your DH's answer seemed a little prepared if I'm honest, saying straight away that it must be a double. Not sure about that

TheAntiBoop · 27/10/2017 21:09

I assume these women are single? If not....

HamSandWitches · 27/10/2017 21:10

I think sister 1 has seen someone they thought was your husband and then messaged sister 2 excited to have found him but then 2s got the sites mixed up in her message to you as they were rushing to tell you. They have then realised it's not actually him so sister 3 has messaged you saying they wouldn't lie to save face so they don't look like shit stirers. They can't send you a pic as they have all realised it's not actually him and that's why real friend can't find him

OstentatiousWanking · 27/10/2017 21:20

I think the sisters are fucking with your head. I don't believe for one minute your DH has profiles on OLD sites.
If I was in your situation, I would take the lack of very easily obtained evidence (aka screen shots).
As to why they are fucking with your head. Tbh, who knows? Maybe one of them has loved your DH from afar since primary school. Or some people are just fucking nasty. Maybe some who vaguely looks like your DH has profiles on those sites. What ever the reason I don't think it matters. Because it's not true.

Bunnyfuller · 27/10/2017 21:23

The lack of screenshots screams shit stirring bitches. Real friends would show you what they'd seen and send you them. Delete them (or leave the poisonous cesspit that FB is, like I did) and forget it.

mummymummums · 27/10/2017 21:24

I think I'd send the screenshots of what they sent you to your mum, and ask her to discuss it with her friend as the sisters aren't replying to you,
It sounds like they're being spiteful but this is a long way from acceptable - other people's marriages aren't sport for malicious bored bitches!

NoodleNinja · 27/10/2017 21:28

People screenshot all the gossip these days so if these sisters are very active on social media etc then they will have screenshots as proof. If they can't provide them then no, I wouldn't believe them.

Seti · 27/10/2017 21:34

I would reply to all three of them “Thanks, but screenshot or it didn’t happen Wink”

Ploppie4 · 27/10/2017 21:35

He’s probably got a double.

OstentatiousWanking · 27/10/2017 21:36

HamSandWitches option is the nicest solution. I hope it's the reason. And sad I didn't think of it.

Atenco · 27/10/2017 21:38

I don't even believe in the doppelgänger, I think they made this up for some shit. If there was a look-alike, why didn't they screenshot?

Pennypickle · 27/10/2017 21:42

If they can't provide the evidence then its extremely likely it didn't happen. Some one (or two) are shit stirring......Let your DH know what's been said. Other than that ignore them and enjoy your married life.

If there is any truth in what's been said you will find out, for definite, soon enough.

Fanciedachange17 · 27/10/2017 21:54

Ignore the shitty sisters.

Insomnibrat · 27/10/2017 21:55

They could send you a username if on pof.
I saw a friend's husband on a dating site recently, from how the profile was written I believe it was really him too. It amazes me how some people can play so fast and loose with their marriages.

That said, unless they stump up some easily obtainable evidence, I think they're shaping up to be Three Witches of Sidechick.

MothQuandary · 27/10/2017 21:56

It is weird, as PP says, if it was a doppelgänger, why didn’t they send you the screenshots? Maybe they realised they’d made a mistake but are too embarrassed to admit it. They sound a bit bonkers.

Engorged · 27/10/2017 21:58

They are now probably frantically tryin to create fake profiles to screenshot.

You need to tell your mum and block them so they don't have your fb to access

KarmaStar · 27/10/2017 22:03

Hi,
I'd tell my partner.He has a right to know and if it happened to me,my husband would be upset if I'd discussed it and had friends checking sites to establish the authenticity of the statement before telling him.
Have you told your mum?
I'd keep things low key,when they are not getting a big reaction they will probably go away and try to cause trouble elsewhere,don't give them the satisfaction.
Trust your instinct.
Hope all goes well for you both

Appuskidu · 27/10/2017 22:04

They sound awful-like witches plotting.

Reply -saying 'DH and I think it's hilarious-he must have a doppelgängerGrin'.

altiara · 27/10/2017 22:08

I wouldn’t believe a word of what they said and I wouldn’t engage further as they’re probably enjoying it.
If you happen to see them at some event, I’d pretend they never sent those messages and if they speak to you and mentioned it, say ‘you must be confusing us with someone else, are you sure you’re ok?’

Sashkin · 27/10/2017 22:08

Like ham said, it’s probably just somebody who looks a bit like him and they’re enjoying working themselves up into a frenzy over it. I had friends at uni who loved creating drama more than they loved sticking to the unvarnished truth, and would embroider a little (by which I mean totally make stuff up) if it made for a better story.

Bet the guy doesn’t even look like your DH. You said they barely know him.

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 27/10/2017 22:12

I have a doppelgänger in my town - to the point I've had people tap me on the shoulder, start to speak to me, then when up close realise it's not the person they thought.
Plus my next door neighbour once saw me kissing someone who wasn't my dh out on the street, except it wasn't me. It was my sister - who has different coloured hair Hmm (and she wasn't kissing dh, just to be clear!!) people may think they see things, but they get it wrong. In this case I reckon doppelgänger or shit stirring. Either way, relax OP, I don't think there's an issue here, if there was, there would be proof.

LindyHemming · 27/10/2017 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/10/2017 22:24

I know a lady with a similar name to me (same surname, first name is 1 letter different) who looks sort of like me. not quite a double but I can imagine one of DH's friends seeing the name and a photo and assuming it's me, it could be something like that.

Although the lack of evidence suggests shit stirring to me