Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Message about DH, WWYD?

139 replies

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:33

DH and I have been married for 18 months and have a 2.5 year old together.

On Monday, two sisters I know as they are my mums friends daughters, messaged me separately on Facebook the first message said she'd seen DHs photo on Tindr, and the second sister said she'd seen his name and photo on POF. When I asked for a screenshot/s of the profiles they both said "I'm sure it's him" and logged off.

I've asked a different friend whose single to create profiles on both as she lives close enough to us that if it was him he'd come up in her potential dates or whatever section I've never online dated I trust that she would tell me if she saw my DH on a dating site as she's one of my closest friends and godmother to my daughter, she says she can't see him on there at all.

I've messaged the sisters again separately asking for screenshot/s and exactly what sites they saw him on. But neither have replied, but a 3rd sister (there's about a dozen of them all women!) has messaged me, even though we're not friends, claiming that sisters 1 and 2 wouldn't lie to me and they did see him on there. Friend has checked again and has been keeping an eye on the apps over the last few days but says she cannot see him on there.

I'm inclined to believe my friend that he's not on the sites, as firstly DH never goes anywhere but work, our daughters Nursery, the local takeaway, his parents house with our daughter and if he was having an affair or dating they'd certainly tell me about it as they told SILs boyfriend when she was cheating on him and to the doctors. DH also has a medical condition that means he uses a suprapubic catheter through his tummy we call it the plastic penis and he gets anxious about me seeing and I'm his wife, watched it be inserted and have helped him get used to it and don't find it scary/odd at all, but I know he worries what other people will think if they found out/saw it, and he keeps it covered most of the time, so I'm inclined to think that would mean he'd not be dating with it. DHs behaviour has not changed at all recently, he's no more or less affectionate, we're still having sex when we've not got a toddler in our bed that is! he's still cooking meals and doing his share of the housework. He's always said he hates people who cheat and have affairs so 100% think these women are lying.

So WWYD? Do I press the sisters for more info? Ask DH or just let it drop? Friend says the sisters are trying to cause drama as they like drama. And what do I do about the sisters? They're my mums best friends daughters so while I don't see them much there are some events I have to attend that they will go to.

OP posts:
Ttbb · 27/10/2017 20:11

Don't do what I would do-I would tell my husband and we would mess with them together-just forget about it and avoid them.

hiddley · 27/10/2017 20:13

So all three of them, separately, initiated a conversation with you. Today.

Fucking weird bitches if they're lying.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 27/10/2017 20:13

It sounds like the sisters are up to no good. Firstly I would ask DH, just to be sure, and to rule out the possibility of an ancient account that he hasn't looked at in years.

Then I would contact their mother, drop them in it, and ask her whether she has any idea why they are doing this. A more mature person probably wouldn't feel the need to do that. But I would.

3out · 27/10/2017 20:14

How nasty are they?

  1. Tell wife her DH is on tindr etc
  2. Predict wife would make an account so she could verify this
  3. Then someone tells the DH ‘really sorry, but I saw your wife on tindr’...
CaretakerToNuns · 27/10/2017 20:17

My guess is that Sister 3 is the OW and the other two are trying to break the two of you up, so that your husband can be with Sister 3 and face no consequences.

LonginesPrime · 27/10/2017 20:17

I’m with LoverOfCake on this one.

They’re shit-stirring and the different websites they’re each mentioned makes it obvious.

I wouldn’t engage with them though, as the more you do, the happier they’ll be. If they mention it again, just say ‘thanks’ or ignore them.

hiddley · 27/10/2017 20:18

Actually, possibly way out there by way of explanation, but my god-daughter's boyfriend had a situation a few years ago where someone else had pulled his photo from his Facebook account and used it to set up a fake account on FB. Other possible explanation (if it turns out his photo is on there) would be old unused accounts from years back. Easy enough to just see when he was last active I'm sure.

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:18

I've messaged them all back and said "Thank you for letting me know" and will ask DH once my daughters asleep, he's doing bedtime at the moment as I do need to know.

OP posts:
Idrinkandiknowstuff · 27/10/2017 20:18

Many years ago a very good friend of over 20 years took me to one side and warned me that I’d been seen in a car snogging a man who was not my husband. The person who saw me was her husband, who I’d also consider a friend. In the weeks that followed several people I worked with mentioned, oh so casually, that they had seen me at x restaurant, pub, whatever, but didn’t recognise the man I was with.

It was not me! Believe your friend, people make mistakes.

ScarlettDarling · 27/10/2017 20:21

Op they've probably seen someone who looks like him on these websites and have enjoyed the drama of deciding it's your dh. I'd tell him what they said though...his initial reaction will tell you what you need to know.

LonginesPrime · 27/10/2017 20:21

I bet they feed you more ‘helpful information’ in the next few days, OP, if they don’t get a reaction out of you. They sounds crackers.

Cracklesfire · 27/10/2017 20:25

Similar to hiddley I have a friend who was once caught using another friends photo on her dating profile online.

It does sound like they're shit stirring though - you'd have to be all kinds of twisted to drop a bombshell like that and then not reply to any of your questions.

Mittens1969 · 27/10/2017 20:26

That really is weird behaviour on the part of the sisters. I would be inclined to listen to your friend who says your DH isn’t on those sites, but I’m sure she’d be willing to keep a check on your behalf.

They sound like troublemakers, I would tell your DH what they have said, and your mum.

RB68 · 27/10/2017 20:27

I think you need to approach Hubby with caution - be open and say have something to discuss but your initial instinct is there is nothing in it and then explain it objectively rather than emotionally. I suspect they are stirring and assumed you would open your own account and then they would switch it on you.

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:33

So I said to DH "Can I ask you something? It's a bit odd but I want you to know I don't believe but I have to ask as someones messaged me to say this. I'm sure it's not you etc" then said "Have you ever been on any dating sites?" he gave me a raised eyebrow look and said "No, never interested me" and when I explained he just laughed and said "remember that guy we used to see when you were at University who looked just like your brother? It's probably something stupid like that" the way he said makes me believe him.

OP posts:
ValarMorghulisss · 27/10/2017 20:34

Yesterday I was flicking through tinder, and I saw a picture of someone who looked kind of familiar. When I put the face with the name, age and location, I had a feeling it was my friend’s brother. I’ve only seen occasional pictures of him on her fb, don’t know him in real life.

I took a screen shot, cropped out the tinder details and sent it to her to ask if it was him. She said yes. I know he’s married with three kids 🙁

I told her I’d seen it on tinder and sent her the original pic which also has some lame ass comment about being discreet and only living once...

If they’d really seen your dh on there, why would they not have sent a screen shot to check or prove it?

Gazelda · 27/10/2017 20:43

I just can’t understand their motivation. Have your DM and their DM fallen out?

scrabbler3 · 27/10/2017 20:44

If he's conventionally good looking, someone else may be using his pic to attract attention from women. I think there's a lot of pressure to have a great photo because first impressions and all that ...

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:44

My friend would most definitely tell me, we're very close, and as I said she's godmother to my daughter. If I found out she'd known he was on there/seen he was on there and not told me I'd never speak to her again, and she says she'd never risk losing me as a friend and my daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:45

He's put a lot of weight on since having the catheter in (it's normal and an unfortunate side effect) but he was very good looking when he was younger.

OP posts:
InspMorse · 27/10/2017 20:45

I'd believe him. The stupid sisters haven't sent you a screen shot . They're either making it up or need glasses.

Also, if you are only acquaintances and your only link is your Mum, I would have thought that if they were genuinely concerned, their first move would be to inform their own mother, who would then talk to yours, who would then talk to you.

I think they're up to no good Angry

ScarlettDarling · 27/10/2017 20:46

Sounds like he wasn't at all fazed by what you told him. I think that's a pretty good sign that it's a load of rubbish!

InspMorse · 27/10/2017 20:48

BTW, you and your DH sound really lovely. Smile
I hope the two of them are not trying to stir up trouble between you Angry

KeepItAsItIs · 27/10/2017 20:55

I'd message them back and say unless they provide proof, you want to know wtf they are playing at and why are they shit stirring. It's very odd but I very much doubt they are telling the truth.

steff13 · 27/10/2017 20:56

I had a local double once.

Me, too! I've had many people call me Renee over the years (not my name) and I was even waiting to be seated at a restaurant once with my mother and my aunt and a random woman came up to me and gave me a hug and started talking to me! It was Renee's AUNT, apparently we look so much alike she thought I was her. Weird.

OP, I don't think I believe the sisters. It takes about 2 seconds to take a screenshot, if they saw your husband on either of those sites they could have easily produced one as proof. If they didn't know how to do one, they could have sent you the link to the page or even just said they don't know how.

Can you think of what their motive would be to make it up?