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Original poster

Friends Message about DH, WWYD?

139 replies

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:33

DH and I have been married for 18 months and have a 2.5 year old together.

On Monday, two sisters I know as they are my mums friends daughters, messaged me separately on Facebook the first message said she'd seen DHs photo on Tindr, and the second sister said she'd seen his name and photo on POF. When I asked for a screenshot/s of the profiles they both said "I'm sure it's him" and logged off.

I've asked a different friend whose single to create profiles on both as she lives close enough to us that if it was him he'd come up in her potential dates or whatever section I've never online dated I trust that she would tell me if she saw my DH on a dating site as she's one of my closest friends and godmother to my daughter, she says she can't see him on there at all.

I've messaged the sisters again separately asking for screenshot/s and exactly what sites they saw him on. But neither have replied, but a 3rd sister (there's about a dozen of them all women!) has messaged me, even though we're not friends, claiming that sisters 1 and 2 wouldn't lie to me and they did see him on there. Friend has checked again and has been keeping an eye on the apps over the last few days but says she cannot see him on there.

I'm inclined to believe my friend that he's not on the sites, as firstly DH never goes anywhere but work, our daughters Nursery, the local takeaway, his parents house with our daughter and if he was having an affair or dating they'd certainly tell me about it as they told SILs boyfriend when she was cheating on him and to the doctors. DH also has a medical condition that means he uses a suprapubic catheter through his tummy we call it the plastic penis and he gets anxious about me seeing and I'm his wife, watched it be inserted and have helped him get used to it and don't find it scary/odd at all, but I know he worries what other people will think if they found out/saw it, and he keeps it covered most of the time, so I'm inclined to think that would mean he'd not be dating with it. DHs behaviour has not changed at all recently, he's no more or less affectionate, we're still having sex when we've not got a toddler in our bed that is! he's still cooking meals and doing his share of the housework. He's always said he hates people who cheat and have affairs so 100% think these women are lying.

So WWYD? Do I press the sisters for more info? Ask DH or just let it drop? Friend says the sisters are trying to cause drama as they like drama. And what do I do about the sisters? They're my mums best friends daughters so while I don't see them much there are some events I have to attend that they will go to.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 27/10/2017 19:51

If they thought it was him they would have screen shotted him and sent it to you.

I think they are trying to cause trouble and I would ignore them.

I would mention it to DH along the lines of "You'll never guess what the Witch sisters are trying to say..."

abbsisspartacus · 27/10/2017 19:51

Sorry so many questions Blush

MiddleClassProblem · 27/10/2017 19:53

To me it’s weird that they both messaged you separately around the same time but with different sites. It just sounds odd from them. Are they very close to each other?

Anyway, I would assume it was just someone that looked a bit like him.

I doubt with his body confidence issues anything is going on and if it were I doubt it would be via dating sites. There are forums where people go to sext or have internet relationships. Why would he go to a dating site or even put his pic up if he was looking for something? And from what you say the only kind of thing I could picture him wanting with a stranger would be something like I stated.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/10/2017 19:53

I would not confront them though

Life is too short for this shit. but leave it a while and discreetly unfriend them

AppleKatie · 27/10/2017 19:55

Talk to your DH OP- if he's done nothing wrong he doesn't deserve your friend running 'surveillance' behind his back. And if it's true it needs to come to a head one way or another. (Fwiw it doesn't sound like it's true)

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 27/10/2017 19:56

Well my husband has a female cousin on one side of his family and a male cousin on the other side, who also happens to be his best friend, who are both on tinder. We all live in the same town and he says she's never came up on her tinder as an option when I asked.

It doesn't sound like he would or could be up to anything. I just don't understand why they'd lie and potentially cause a shit storm when your mums are best friends.

mumof06darlings · 27/10/2017 19:57

They must have no proof so they can't back up their up claim. Why not send proof when they had it there in front of them "apparently" and only a message with no proof. Definately causing trouble.

Huggybear16 · 27/10/2017 19:57

"I'll decide how to approah it when I see the screeshots"

Motoko · 27/10/2017 19:57

What Ben said. It sounds like they're shit stirring. They've ignored you when you've asked for screenshots because it's not true and they can't send you the pics.

It doesn't sound like your DH would be on dating sites, and your friend can't find him on them either.

Tell your DH and mum what they've said and block them from messaging you.

Doramaybe · 27/10/2017 19:58

Get rid of Facebook for a start. So glad I am not on that rubbish shyte site that causes so much trouble.

I know it has its uses, but honestly I have never looked back since my conscious uncoupling from it!

Say it to your OP, not us. He is the one that needs to answer here. Sheesh.

KERALA1 · 27/10/2017 20:00

He probably has a double - I met mine once friend of a friend it was uncanny. Recently a clients daughter identical to my friend. It happens might solve the mystery.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2017 20:00

Nope, they’re chatting shit. If they’d seen him they would have screenshot. Ignore them and tell him because you’re a team and he should know what’s being said about him.

MammaTJ · 27/10/2017 20:02

I agree that these two sisters are shit stirring drama Queens. Nasty pieces of work.

I think you should be grateful that your relationship appears strong enough to withstand this, tell your DH and block the whole family on social media. Yes also to telling your mum and their mum, so they know why.

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:03

Are they in your area ?
Sister 1 is single lives in my town, sister 2 is in an on again off again type relationship with the father of her children, no idea where she's currently living but wouldn't surprise me if it's Sister 1s.

Looking in your area?
I guess they would be as they live close to me.

Do you think he could have gone on to boost his ego? But not take it anywhere?
Possibly, but I'm sure he'd have told me

Does he have a brother?
No just a sister

Are they very close to each other?
Yes I'd say they live in each others pockets, constantly tagging each other on Facebook in stuff.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 27/10/2017 20:04

I had a local double once. One of my friends who I have known all my life and is a bit like family said she saw me and waved and I ignored her. She said I had a kookai bag (90s). I never had a kookai bag.

TheLiars · 27/10/2017 20:05

Can you just tell him what's been said?

JWrecks · 27/10/2017 20:06

It's entirely possible that they are telling stories. It's also entirely possible that he has those accounts and has completely forgotten about them in the last 2.5 years. Why your friend couldn't find him, who knows? I haven't been on an online dating site in donkey's years, but I don't remember it being terribly easy to find a specific individual.

You might want to press them two for screenshots, though, if you're really curious. I think I probably would. And if they can't (or won't) produce something so easy to get, I'd tell them exactly where to go and tell others to be watchful of their lies.

RavenclawRealist · 27/10/2017 20:06

Unless POF has changed it's a site you can search so if you search men x-y age in 10 miles or whatever you should see him even if he is using a fake name. Tinder I have never understood that well but if you rule out one that might help! The whole thing seems strange to me, if you had doubts I would suggest seeing if you could look at emails/apps on phone ect but you didn't! It would be a shame to break your husbands trust over the questionable work of two almost strangers it seems! Talk to your husband get his side of the story.

zippydoodaar · 27/10/2017 20:06

Ignore them. If they can't come up with concrete evidence then assume they are taking shite.

Tell DH what they've said.

Tell you Mum what they've said.

Get off the work of the devil Facebook.

LavenderDoll · 27/10/2017 20:07

They sound like they are causing trouble
Id tell my DH what was said

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:07

I'm worried about telling him, as his confidence is already low and he suffers depression because of the catheter and surrounding issues, I'm worried he could take it wrong and it send him even lower than he is.

OP posts:
Aderyn17 · 27/10/2017 20:07

Let your friend keep an eye on the online profiles for another week, then chat to your DH about it.
If she finds nothing, I’d confront the sisters.
But i wouldn’t text or call them, id rock up on their doorsteps (possibly with DH in tow) and give it to them both barrels for lying, gossiping, trying to break up your marriage and spreading rumours.
If also inform your mum and her best friend

This ^.

If they aren't willing to send screenshots then they are just shit stirring.

LoverOfCake · 27/10/2017 20:09

So, two sisters messaged you separately to say that they'd seen your DH on two different sites, and both declined to send screenshots. And then the third sister messaged to say that if they say they saw it then they saw it. They're all shit-stirring. If they were certain they would have provided proof especially if they had your best interests at heart.

The only other possibility is that he could be having an affair with one of them and this is an attempt to get you to doubt him so he'll leave you and be with her iyswim. My mum once took a call at work from a woman who asked to speak to her colleague.. Colleague was busy so when my mum said she could get her to call her back she just said "no no that's ok, just give her a message, tell her I saw her in (I can't remember what town she said now,) with a dark haired woman." And then she hung up.

Woman was totally baffled. At the time I remember suggesting it could be an OW and I was right. Three weeks later he left her for her best friend. turned out OW had been putting pressure on him to leave the colleague to be with her and he had been stalling, so she thought she'd help things along. Hmm. By pretending to be a helpful informant.

I would message the third sister back and say "I know 100% now that they're lying, so you've all left me no choice but to inform my mum/your mum as to what you've been up to. Shame to drag them into this but needs must."

I would talk to your DH about it though.

Original poster
DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 20:09

We've been together a lot longer than 2.5 years! We got together in 2012, engaged in 2014 but then found out I was pregnant so couldn't afford a wedding until our daughter was a bit older.

OP posts:
Cherry321 · 27/10/2017 20:10

I saw someone who looked very much like me. We saw each other through a shop window and her boyfriend pointed me out to her. Freaky, but does happen!