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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends Message about DH, WWYD?

139 replies

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 27/10/2017 19:33

DH and I have been married for 18 months and have a 2.5 year old together.

On Monday, two sisters I know as they are my mums friends daughters, messaged me separately on Facebook the first message said she'd seen DHs photo on Tindr, and the second sister said she'd seen his name and photo on POF. When I asked for a screenshot/s of the profiles they both said "I'm sure it's him" and logged off.

I've asked a different friend whose single to create profiles on both as she lives close enough to us that if it was him he'd come up in her potential dates or whatever section I've never online dated I trust that she would tell me if she saw my DH on a dating site as she's one of my closest friends and godmother to my daughter, she says she can't see him on there at all.

I've messaged the sisters again separately asking for screenshot/s and exactly what sites they saw him on. But neither have replied, but a 3rd sister (there's about a dozen of them all women!) has messaged me, even though we're not friends, claiming that sisters 1 and 2 wouldn't lie to me and they did see him on there. Friend has checked again and has been keeping an eye on the apps over the last few days but says she cannot see him on there.

I'm inclined to believe my friend that he's not on the sites, as firstly DH never goes anywhere but work, our daughters Nursery, the local takeaway, his parents house with our daughter and if he was having an affair or dating they'd certainly tell me about it as they told SILs boyfriend when she was cheating on him and to the doctors. DH also has a medical condition that means he uses a suprapubic catheter through his tummy we call it the plastic penis and he gets anxious about me seeing and I'm his wife, watched it be inserted and have helped him get used to it and don't find it scary/odd at all, but I know he worries what other people will think if they found out/saw it, and he keeps it covered most of the time, so I'm inclined to think that would mean he'd not be dating with it. DHs behaviour has not changed at all recently, he's no more or less affectionate, we're still having sex when we've not got a toddler in our bed that is! he's still cooking meals and doing his share of the housework. He's always said he hates people who cheat and have affairs so 100% think these women are lying.

So WWYD? Do I press the sisters for more info? Ask DH or just let it drop? Friend says the sisters are trying to cause drama as they like drama. And what do I do about the sisters? They're my mums best friends daughters so while I don't see them much there are some events I have to attend that they will go to.

OP posts:
JWrecks · 28/10/2017 02:30

If they’d really seen your dh on there, why would they not have sent a screen shot to check or prove it?

Exactly. If there were ANY truth to this, you'd have screenshots in your inbox ages ago. Even for the completely tech stunted, screenshots are the easiest thing to do. If they can't produce at least that, they're just stirring shit. Why? Who knows!

That, coupled with DP's reaction to the question, tells me there is nothing untoward going on with DP, and these Weird Sisters are... just that.

CakesRUs · 28/10/2017 02:44

I’d have to tell him what the sisters said.

PastaOfMuppets · 28/10/2017 02:48

I'd tell your DM and ask her what's up with her friend's DDs ... it sounds dodgy to me, and I'd believe your friend and DH.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/10/2017 08:42

This sounds to me as if the two sisters are shit-stirring, for unknown reasons. Has your mum and her friends had words recently? Have her daughters decided to punish your mother via upsetting you? Or are they just deranged types who think this is a 'prank' and you'll find it sooooo funny when they excitedly tell you it was all a joke?

I'm a nasty type sometimes. If you have a number for their mother, I'd phone her up and dob them in. 'Excuse me, but why are your daughters contacting me with complete lies? Why are they trying to upset me?' Yes, this might impact your mother's friendship. But both mothers should be aware, because I feel this comes from their relationship since you really don't have a relationship with these two women.

TheCatsMother99 · 28/10/2017 09:00

I wouldn't believe the sisters.

Holdtightdontletgo · 28/10/2017 09:07

Why would they choose you and your husband to pick on?

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 28/10/2017 09:26

Sorry for the drip feed, I didn't realise the thread would go this far:

Me and Sister 1 had a bit of a run in when my daughter was first born because I wouldn't let her look after my daughter when she was 6 weeks old. At the time my mum lived on Sister 1s road, and would have been a bit miffed when even she'd not looked after my daughter alone at that point. So that's the only thing I can think of. My mum and their mum have always been close but not in your pocket close, they can often go weeks without speaking.

OP posts:
Autumnfalling · 28/10/2017 09:32

Regarding the screenshots.

Lots of men who are married will sign up, search and message and then close their account so they aren’t searchable when they’re not online. So your friend won’t find anything unless he happens to have been live and online at that moment.

Not saying he has an account but just FYI

Holdtightdontletgo · 28/10/2017 09:37

Also with pof some guys take their photos off when they are not online. They only put them up briefly or during the day when they are at work not when they are at home with their families in the evening.

I always wonder though why a married or attached man would sign up to a dating site using their photo for this exact reason ie they would be spotted by someone they know and get caught out.

Lostflipflop · 28/10/2017 09:53

Block the sisters, they sound vile

Aderyn17 · 28/10/2017 10:55

Why would anyone expect to look after someone else's 6 week old baby? She isn't even a friend of yours - just the daughter of your mum's friend. They sound bloody unhinged to be honest.
I'd give your mum the heads up on this family. Maybe she needs her friend to step in and find out what is going on with these women and reel them back in

PastaOfMuppets · 28/10/2017 11:31

Why did Sister 1 so badly want to look after your baby? Did she want to be in your house without you there? She or one of her sisters might have a thing for your DH or there might be more to her msgs - she's starting to sound a bit SWF / Bunny Boiler to me

DontThinkItsLikeHim · 28/10/2017 11:44

She wanted my daughter at her house not mine, she has a daughter herself but she's now a teenager so maybe it was harmless and she just wanted to feel nostalgic as she had her child while she was still a teenager herself.

OP posts:
Aderyn17 · 28/10/2017 13:34

It's weird that she got funny with you over it. Most people (apart from grandparents maybe) wouldn't expect to babysit a newborn baby.
She does sound a bit bunny boiler, I have to agree.

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