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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Little boys long hair

146 replies

Misspollyhadadollie · 24/10/2017 23:29

My son keeps telling me people in his school think he is a girl, when I ask him why he says cause of his hair. I don't want to cut it and he hasn't asked but I don't want him being teased either. Wibu to not cut it??

OP posts:

catbas · 24/10/2017 23:33

How old is he? What does he want to do? My son had very long hair but we cut it off about a year ago as it was getting in his face when he was being taught and also nits were going around

MarklahMarklah · 24/10/2017 23:33

Ywbu to cut his hair to please other people. There's nothing wrong with being a girl, just as there's nothing wrong with having long hair.
Depending on his age and how upset he is by any comments, you might want to check that he's not being bullied.
Chances are, it's just general thoughtlessness on the part of others.

Original poster

Misspollyhadadollie · 24/10/2017 23:35

He said to me earlier that some boys told him he wasn't allowed in the boys toilets because he's a girl. He is 5. But he has said it a few times before.

OP posts:

slightlyglittermaned · 24/10/2017 23:38

I would speak to his teacher and ask them to keep an eye out. That's bullying behaviour and they need to nip it in the bud.

Kittykatmacbill · 24/10/2017 23:39

Ask him what he wants?

Viserion · 24/10/2017 23:41

Have you asked him directly if he would like to get it cut? Just because he hasn't asked you, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to have it cut. Especially if you have made your view known that you don't want him to have it cut.

That said, other kids should not be telling him he can't use the boy's loo just because of his hair.

Original poster

Misspollyhadadollie · 24/10/2017 23:44

I haven't actually asked him as I didn't want him to think I was saying he should. I wanted it to be something he asks for if he wants iyswim. I don't want it cut but I haven't said that to him. When he said it I reminded him of other relatives/friends of mine who are male with long hair in a "boys can have long hair too" kind of way.

OP posts:

Juicyfruitloop · 24/10/2017 23:44

Those boys are mean. If it's an innocent mistake when DD started in primary school she made a good friend. He has long hair, she knew he had a boys name but would say she sometimes, after a good 6 months she asked me was x a boy or a girl.

He still has long hair and is well known as a boy, but still gets teased by some boys they are 9 now.

I would speak to his teacher. It's bullying behaviour. I would not cut his hair for this reason,

washingmachinefastwash · 24/10/2017 23:47

My son had longish hair. When he turned 5, he wanted it short and off to the barbers he went.

Bring it up with the School regarding what happened at the loo.

MamaLeen · 24/10/2017 23:48

If he wanted to cut his hair he would have probably straight out asked you.
I would speak to the school. That is horrible of the other children and so wrong.
And remind your son (which I am sure you already do) he is perfect the way he is. Sometimes there is just people who like to be mean for no reason to make others sad.
I hope things get better for him

SisterMoonshine · 25/10/2017 00:00

Does he know the option is there to have shorter hair if it's not something that's done often?

Caulk · 25/10/2017 00:02

Does he know having his hair cut is as option, or has he never had it cut before?

Caulk · 25/10/2017 00:02

(X post with Moonshine)

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2017 00:02

Just ask him if he's happy with it, or if he wants it cut.

Also, have a word with his teacher about the teasing.

tempstamos · 25/10/2017 00:14

My 4 and 8 year old boys both have long hair because they want to.
The 8 year old has regularly had comments like this at school, he simply says he is a boy but there is nothing wrong with being a girl either.
I have spoken to his teachers but unfortunately there is little they can do to stop quiet comments in the playground.
I do wonder though, do little girls call other little girls ‘boys’ for having short hair?

lalliella · 25/10/2017 00:18

temp what a fantastic answer from your 8 year old, you must be well proud.

cornflakegirl · 25/10/2017 00:19

DS2 grew his hair, mainly because he doesn't like haircuts. He got some teasing. We discussed how long hair doesn't make his willy fall off. He got his hair cut when he wanted to.

StickThatInYourPipe · 25/10/2017 00:21

I do wonder though, do little girls call other little girls ‘boys’ for having short hair?

Some did when I was at school (i remember one of my friends being really upset over it)

Hopefully this sort of attitude won't be around for too much longer as we become more accepting of other people's individuality.

Yours sons response is brill

nakedscientist · 25/10/2017 00:23

My DS 8 has very long hair. I told him that hair didn't make you a boy or a girl when this sort of stuff happened.

He loves his hair now, but did waver when he was asked aged about 5, "are you a boy or a girl?" About 1000 times at school.
They just stopped in the end but my DS is quite laid back and it was more curiosity than anything sinister. Talk to the school, those kids need to behave better.

DixieNormas · 25/10/2017 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AssassinatedBeauty · 25/10/2017 00:23

My DS is 5 and has long-ish hair, much longer than most of the boys in his class. He has had a couple of comments saying that he had girls hair. Thankfully he was able to respond to them that it was his hair, not girls hair and that they were being silly. He's not been bothered about it since then. So far he's only asked to get it trimmed if it's annoying him.

So YANBU to do whatever you and he want with his hair. I'd deal with any comments made if they arise, with the teacher if necessary.

Orangealien · 25/10/2017 00:28

It sounds like his hair is long because you want it long op. You should ask him if it's what he wants. Doesn't sound like he is happy or confident about it at the moment. Why do you want it long? Long hair on little kids is nothing more than a nuisance imo.

GinUser · 25/10/2017 00:39

My mother, when she was a student in London in the 50s, lodged with a fairly famous family - in the world of child behaviour and development. The youngest child had shoulder-length auburn hair. She took him to have a hair cut. On seeking himself in the mirror, after the cut, the child said "so I am a little boy."
Make of this what you will.

IhaveChillyToes · 25/10/2017 00:47

A neighbour of ours had really really wanted a girl but had a boy

So she wanted him to have long hair so she could pretend he was a girl and plait it etc

But she messed him up and he was much happier when she let him have it cut it short cos then he could just wash it and go out to play rather than sitting having his hair done

She really was upset when her son had wanted his hair cut, it was really weird, she wanted it long but not bothered to take his ideas into consideration.

Original poster

Misspollyhadadollie · 25/10/2017 00:50

Surely all our kids have the appearance we want until they are old enough to decide for themselves? He has never once asked for it cut it's only recently since his gone to school he has noticed the girl comments (he didn't go to reception)

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