Little boys long hair

[Misspollyhadadollie]

My son keeps telling me people in his school think he is a girl, when I ask him why he says cause of his hair. I don't want to cut it and he hasn't asked but I don't want him being teased either. Wibu to not cut it??

So he's 5 and in a school where long hair on boys is unusual enough to get him picked on and people think he may not realise he can have his hair cut short?! I can't imagine that's the case.

Once when I was 5, I was walking home with a school friend. He said he was going into the pub and I got really upset as I knew I wasn’t allowed in the pub but I didn’t know he wasn’t too.
I could well believe a 5yo doesn’t realise that he could have his hair cut if it’s something that’s never been mentioned to him and he has a mother that wants to keep it long.

My friends son had long blonde curls in primary school. He was teased about it and eventually she moved him to a different school where it happened again. She loved his hair and said all the things about it being her decision etc. One day she said he should tell the bullies it was up to him how he had his hair. That night he got the scissors and hacked his hair off. That was his decision. He is 30 now and has his hair very short.

My ds is 11 and has long floppy hair down to his shoulders. He says some kids call him Rapunzel at school. He doesn't want it cut and has cried in the past when it was cut too short for his liking. Dh keeps telling him to get a haircut which is a bit hypocritical as he had long hair down his back when I met him!

My son had the kind of "Hanson" look when he was about 12 and we were on a bus. These 2 guys go on and were a bit merry having obviously just left the pub. One of them on his way to a seat accidentally stood on my son's foot which was sticking out a bit (his own fault) and his friend said "Oi you watch, you just stood on that wee lassie's foot".. My son burst out laughing, he thought it was hilarious but it didn't make him want to cut his hair.

When boys are fed up with longer hair they will eventually get it cut. I know if you constantly tell a young boy with long hair to get it cut, if they are anything the way my son was (he is 18 now) they will dig their heels in and not have it done.

I think a lot of boys suit long hair. Its not the first time Ive walked past a guy in the street with long tresses and thought I would give my left arm for hair like that....LOL (Same as I always am envious of guys with long eyelashes...so not fair!! :-))....

Everyone is unique and each to their own...I would only be worried if a teacher complained that they could see for the hair getting into their eyes.

XXX

he was much happier when she let him have it cut it short cos then he could just wash it and go out to play rather than sitting having his hair done

Does this not apply to girls too? Do we honestly think girls have an innate lreference for sitting and getting their hair done over going out and playing?

My dd prefers short hair for exactly this reason. And far from being bullied, which has been tried on many occasion, she has learned to challenge people on why they hold certain views. She is self confident and doesn’t take any crap or anyone telling her she should behave in a certain way or like certain stuff.

Her last confrontation she told me about was when a boy was being teased in the playground for having hair a similar length to hers- both chin length. The same kids that were saying his hair was long had tried to tease her about her short hair. When asked why they thought the boys hair was long and hers short, when they were clearly the same length, made them stop when they had no answer.

And as pp says, kids who pick on or comment over hair length have nearly always got it from the parents. “My mum says girls have to have long hair”. As pp says, it’s not uncommon for a child to go and ask their parents, and come back and tell dd that she can’t be a girl because mum says only boys have short hair.

My daughter has short hair and is regularly mistaken for a boy - by children and adults. It's not a 'boy's cut' and is quite feminine but people seem to use hair as a top clue to distinguish boy/girl, and small kids won't believe she's a girl because she has short hair. I've had to intervene in full-blown arguments about it. Shows that we have moved slightly beyond 'pink is for girls' as she can be dressed all in pink when mistaken for a boy.
It is very very rare for a young girl (3) to have short hair, but it's ace - super practical and looks really cute on her.

little dragon you are conflating sex (biological attributes) with gender which is about cultural expectations of the behaviour of men, women, boys, girls. This is the issue here - since it is more mainstream/expected for a boy to have short hair there is at least some confusion among fellow 5yo. The women in the park are an example of trying to impose gender 'norms", probably some of the children too but without being conscious of it at 5yo. We all experience some social pressure to conform to norms eg how to dress for different occasions, being married rather than single etc

When boys are fed up with longer hair they will eventually get it cut

I agree. My son has had long hair since he was about 6 and never had any problems with it til he went to high school and that’s when the bullying started with everyone saying he looks like a girl.

However he absolutely refuses to get it cut. His idol is Dave Grohl and he says he’d rather put up with name calling than ‘look like everyone else’.

One of my boys is on a medication that causes excess hair growth. I loved his crazy big / long hair but it was making it hard for him to see so we had to start cutting it. He's only 1. I'll keep cutting it because it's more practical, if he wants to have it longer when he's older then that will be his choice. I'm not sure I'd do it the other way round to be honest.

There's nothing wrong with being a girl, just as there's nothing wrong with having long hair.

Of course not, but he isn't one.

I think that a gentle word from a teacher to a class of 5 year olds to explain that gender does not determine hair styles is positive as they are at an impressionable age and it's a great time to nip that kind of thing in the bud. I think that suggestions of bullying though are somewhat hyperbolic. They are just starting to understand the world around them and about social constructs so they are reacting to the limited experience that they have. It's a great time to dispel myths about how a boy or a girl are 'supposed' to be based on gender but not a great time to start shouting 'bullying' or 'homophobia'.

swissgemma

An entire coachload of delightful elderly Japanese ladies did the same thing to my son recently (he is as blond a little Viking as you can get, and while he doesn’t have long hair he has a fluffy halo of white blonde curls. Also: we are in Sweden.)

It was an oddly nice experience- he loved it - all these grannies! and they left delighted as if he was part of the tourist experience 😁 I’m sure he’s on fifty-odd delightful elderly Japanese ladies’ holiday snaps.

Op boys should OF COURSE be able to have long hair and girls should be able to have a buzz cut. Gender stereotyping is awful. At the same time, it’s very important to ask your son what HE wants - and to bear in mind that even that young they do pick up on our preferences.

I think other kids think a boy with long hair looks a bit namby pamby.

Ime the time boys start having their long hair cut is when the parents are reminded that long hair needs to be tied back in school. Over the years I have seen incredulous looks along with 'But he's a boy!'😄

My 3 year old has long curly hair and I hate to say it but I'll be cutting it before school, wish we didn't have to but some kids will always be cruel. Even in 2017 it's best to just try and fit in unfortunately.

On the nits thing, my DS (5 yr old) hasn't got them (yet) despite his long-ish hair. They've gone round his class a few times now but he's escaped to date. It's not inevitable that they'll get them.

This idea of boys with long hair being cissies/namby-pamby is amazingly old fashioned and sexist. When will people learn to treat children as they find them rather than judge them based on their sex or their outward appearance!

I think a quiet word with the teacher should do the trick. The issue is the behaviour of the other children not your son's hairstyle.

My 7 year old boy has long hair, he doesn't want it cut despite being called a girl regularly(he just says "no I am a boy ") and thinks people are daft for thinking only girls have longer hair. My 5 year old boy had his hair cut from long to very short earlier this year, his choice.

I have always given them the choice, they have their hair hair trimmed regularly and I always ask what they would like to have done before we go.

I think you have to directly ask him if he wants to have his hair cut or not. I have a son the same age and it definitely wouldn’t occur to him to ask for something like this.

If he wants to fit in with the boys more and have shorter hair, ywbu not to cut it!

Just thinking, 200-300 years ago men wore long hair.

Who's teaching these little boys that having long hair makes someone a girl?

Critical thinking skills should be taught from a very young age imo.

Op boys should OF COURSE be able to have long hair and girls should be able to have a buzz cut. Gender stereotyping is awful. At the same time, it’s very important to ask your son what HE wants - and to bear in mind that even that young they do pick up on our preferences.

Perfectly put Anatidae.

At 6, he is perfectly old enough to have an opinion about what he wants. Discuss it with him.

1. Fat fingers.

My DS8 has long hair and refuses to get it cut. Let him be who he wants to be. School have asked my DS to wear a bobble and he just embraces it. No body teases him as he is a confident little thing and it shows. I wish I had been more like him growing up .

It should be part of the NC. A couple of PSHE lessons every year exploring stereotyping starting in reception. This should cover not just hair but clothing, toys, games, sports, colours etc. You can't rely on parents for this, lots of children come into school with a fixed mindset which is hard to shift sometimes.

If he wants it cut then you should do it but don’t do it otherwise. Kids will always find something to bully each other about. My Dd is always coming home saying ‘x said my coat was babyish’ or ‘y said my hair is stupid’.
You need to help your kids to be resilient and stand up to criticism because they’ll always be someone who wants to pick holes in you even if you do ‘conform’.