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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Little boys long hair

146 replies

Misspollyhadadollie · 24/10/2017 23:29

My son keeps telling me people in his school think he is a girl, when I ask him why he says cause of his hair. I don't want to cut it and he hasn't asked but I don't want him being teased either. Wibu to not cut it??

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 25/10/2017 09:02

Fwiw it’s worth she’s 7 and her coat is a plain red puffa coat (not babyish) and her hair is normal long hair (nog stupid).

strugglingtodomybest · 25/10/2017 09:12

My DS has had a longish unisex hair style for the last 6 years. He's been called a girl or gay too many times to count now. He just looks at them like they're stupid (which, now they're year 8 and still calling him names, I'm going to assume they are) and points out that calling him a girl or gay are not insults so try harder next time.

I cut his hair but he chooses the style and always has done. I'm so proud of him sometimes Smile

reallyanotherone · 25/10/2017 09:12

Even in 2017 it's best to just try and fit in unfortunately.

No. It isn’t. Honestly.

Micah · 25/10/2017 09:15

I think that a gentle word from a teacher to a class of 5 year olds to explain that gender does not determine hair styles is positive as they are at an impressionable age and it's a great time to nip that kind of thing in the bud

How does this fit with the trans ideology that is being taught in schools? The concept that gender doesn’t determine hairstyle but if patrick grows his hair and puts on a dress he is now a girl and we must all call him patricia...

thethoughtfox · 25/10/2017 09:16

Are there any books that deal with being 'different' and learning to be confident and happy about it?

Try to build up his self esteem and some calm comebacks ( some good suggestions on page 1) and practise scenarios with him. Then ask him what he wants his hair to look like.

amusedbush · 25/10/2017 09:16

My brother had long hair (really long - past his shoulder blades) for years and he did get teased about it, people calling him Jesus or trying to push him into the girls toilets, etc. It turns out he had an aptitude for rugby and the teasing stopped when he was 15, built like a brick shithouse and notorious on the pitch Grin

In all seriousness though, if he wants to keep it then keep it. Kids are mean and will find anything to tease about. If he cuts his hair, it'll be something else next month.

BonnesVacances · 25/10/2017 09:25

DS(12) has always had long hair and has been called a girl too. He was resolute that he didn't want to cut it though. We did tell him that everyone gets teased and that other kids will always find something, so short hair doesn't necessarily mean not getting teased.

Your DS is lucky that he has something already that he wants to stand up for and you can teach him all about being himself, not who his friends want him to be. Just give him some responses to use such as "Duh! My hair does not make me a girl! Confused"

wornoutboots · 25/10/2017 09:30

my boys both have long hair. My eldest has got teased about it, so I talked to the school. Teacher was horrified "you aren't going to cut it, are you?! I love his hair!" and talked to the class.
(and the next year, when new kids weren't used to him and started it again)

He now says it's his hair "and I'm not going to cut it to shut [insert bully's name] up!" and tells kids who start on "I have a penis so I'm a boy"

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/10/2017 09:45

Even in 2017 it's best to just try and fit in Unfortunately

Ds would think that way madness lies.

Ds has a very forceful personality. If anything he had other boys wanting to copy him and grow his hair long.

That really went down well with other mums.😀
As for the pp who thought long hair on boys was namby pamby. In the words of my ds. You should get out more.
I think even before other children met my ds they would watch him and know he was a full on male viking.

The only time ds did cut his hair to please his df he hated it and still got referred to as a girl. Ds thought it was hilarious and vowed never to have his haircut again.

happiestcamper · 25/10/2017 09:46

DS was told by a previous head teacher to get his hair cut. He goes to a faith school and a simple. "did anyone tell Jesus to cut his hair" from DP did the trick Grin

ZoopDragon · 25/10/2017 11:27

I would ask him if he'd like it cut. Short hair on boys is still very much the norm and there's nothing wrong with a young child wanting to fit in.

Personally I'm not keen on long hair for little boys, because it gets in their face. Unless you put it up in a ponytail/man bun? I think children's hair is best cut for styled for practicality, not obscuring their vision or getting in the way. My friend's little boy has shoulder length hair that he's always flicking out of his eyes and pulling at. It's straggly and looks unkempt but she won't cut it as she likes it long!

kaytee87 · 25/10/2017 11:30

* Personally I'm not keen on long hair for little boys, because it gets in their face. Unless you put it up in a ponytail/man bun?*

Surely that’s the same with girls though? Personally I’m pretty conventional but if the reason you don’t like long hair on boys is for practicality then you can’t like it on girls either?

LonginesPrime · 25/10/2017 11:38

I think other kids think a boy with long hair looks a bit namby pamby

I don’t think they do as no-one has thought that since 1957.

notangelinajolie · 25/10/2017 11:54

It's entirely up to your son but I would properly sit down with him and ask him if he really wants his hair long or if he is trying to please you because he knows you don't want it to be cut. Some kids are sensitive and really struggle looking different from their friends while others are more outging and love the attention that looking different brings. At the end of the day - hair grows back so whatever decision he makes isn't permanent.

Original poster
Misspollyhadadollie · 25/10/2017 11:57

He is mixed race and has Afro hair so it's always in cornrows anyway worn straight back so no getting in eyes or anything.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 25/10/2017 12:55

hippy

If the new Gender Recognition Act is passed, believe me, it will be a big topic of conversation in schools for many years to come.

DenPerry · 25/10/2017 12:55

reallyanotherone I hope you're right and school has changed since I was young! I would love for DS to keep his long hair but don't want him bullied Sad

DenPerry · 25/10/2017 12:57

Oliversmumsarmy Haha! Hmm maybe we'll leave it until after school starts and see what happens GrinWould love it if he started a trend! Long hair looks awesome on boys and men.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 25/10/2017 13:02

Just last week, I had a primary aged schoolboy ask if DD (21 months) is a boy o a girl. When I said "a girl", he said :"but he has short hair". FFS it's the 21st century! She only has a short bob on top of that, not that it should matter.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/10/2017 13:41

I think it all depends on what your ds is like. Mine couldn't give a flying what people think and is super confident. Probably have called bullies sheep for conforming and followed them around bleating if anything derogatory had been said to him.

Only person who has a problem with ds's hair is his father. There again I think dp is completely at a loss as to why ds is not going into accountancy or law and is pursuing his area to become a builder.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/10/2017 13:42

Area=dream

Damned auto correct

reallyanotherone · 25/10/2017 14:22

I hope you're right and school has changed since I was young! I would love for DS to keep his long hair but don't want him bullied

I doubt schools have changed. My point was that teaching children that if they get bullied it is their fault- for having long hair, the wrong trainers, whatever, and they must make changes to stop the bullying, will destroy their self esteem and confidence and leave them open to more bullying.

He needs to learn that it is not his fault, it is always the bully’s fault. Teach him to have confidence in his choices like pp have said.

I have a child that is not afraid to be different. She went to a new school wearing trousers. Every single other girl wore a skirt. I said if she really wanted i’d get her a skirt, but i couldn’t get to the shop for a week. By the end of the week most of the other girls in her class were wearing trousers, and dd learned a very valuable lesson.

I am willing to bet if he cuts his hair to appease bullies they will latch on to his ears, or shoes, or start taking the piss out of his haircut. They will find something.

DenPerry · 25/10/2017 15:56

Thanks guys, will definitely leave it then. I'm all for looking different as I do myself, just didn't want to make life hard for him. Though everyone loves it at nursery! He is a confident little lad who doesn't care what others think, so I'll build on this! Smile
My little hobbit Grin

happiestcamper · 25/10/2017 16:17

Denperry that's what I call my boy too Grin

Ttbb · 25/10/2017 16:20

Only cut it if he asks you to. If he can handle it, the teasing is good for him. It's only a problem if it upsets him.