Little boys long hair

[Misspollyhadadollie]

My son keeps telling me people in his school think he is a girl, when I ask him why he says cause of his hair. I don't want to cut it and he hasn't asked but I don't want him being teased either. Wibu to not cut it??

You need to ask him what he wants.
If he wants it cut then you are being unreasonable not to cut it, if he says no then you are totally doing the right thing to not.

OP, I agree with PPs that you should discuss the teasing with the teacher. And I think you’re right about letting him bring up the subject of getting his hair cut himself (presumably he has it trimmed so he’d have the opportunity to say if he wanted something different).

My DS has had long hair for most of his life (his choice) - people sometimes mistakenly assume he’s a girl and he corrects them (if he can be bothered). The bullying should be addressed.

My son has long hair and is often asked whether he is a boy or a girl - he doesn't mind, and just says he's a boy. On the odd occasion that someone has said he has 'girl's hair,' he has just said 'it's not girl's hair, it's my hair' which seems to be a simple logic that even a 5-year-old can't argue with.

My DD was called a boy in reception because she likes superheroes so had a superhero water bottle , I told the teacher and it was promptly nipped in the bud. So to be fair kids will find absolutely any reason they can to be mean sometimes... I wouldn’t cut it to appease five year olds, no. You need to speak to the teacher.

Surely all our kids have the appearance we want until they are old enough to decide for themselves? He has never once asked for it cut..

Yes, but you sound really invested in him having long hair. Would he really ask knowing you'd be disappointed?

Having said that, I don't for a minute think you should cut his hair simply because of other kids. I do think that his knowing how much YOU like it may prevent him feeling he could ask if that is what he wanted.

I do wonder though, do little girls call other little girls ‘boys’ for having short hair?

Me and my one other female friend with short hair were told this in primary in the 90s. She got upset, I just thought people who said it were ridiculous as half their mums had hair like Princess Diana at the time.

At around ages 3-5 children become aware of gender, but they often believe it's interchangeable depending on clothes or hair or even activities or toys thry play with. So they may believe a boy with long hair must be a girl or if a boy puts on a dress he becomes a girl.

At around 6 or 7 they begin to understand that sex is fixed no matter what. But because a girl with short hair or a boy with long hair might be out of their understanding of what is 'normal' they may still make comments. If they continue to make comments after being told that it's ok that's when it becomes bullying imo.

At this age I woukd be wary of labelling it bullying. Some children just won't yet be developmentally mature enough to understand your son is a boy. He will because he has experience and has family members to look up to who are like him. But other kids may not have encountered a long haired boy/man before. My DS likes his hair short but has always known hair is just hair as his DF had long hair whilst I had a Mia Farrow-esque crop.

If kids are commenting bluntly in the way that kids do because they don't understand and are trying to make sense of it then the teacher may be able to speak to the whole class. But if there are kids saying things with the intent to upset your DS then it's bullying. Unfortunately because of their development it's hard to tell at this point if there's intent or not.

My DS is 10 and used to be very feminine in his pursuits. Now he's just 'arty' lol. But he's old enough now to tell people not to be so silly and remind them about gender equality.

He said to me earlier that some boys told him he wasn't allowed in the boys toilets because he's a girl.

All because of long hair..how sad. Mind while we have schools teaching young kids that having long hair and wearing dresses actually does make one a girl...what can we expect really. Madness.

YWBU to cut his hair just because other people say silly things like this. YWABU to not cut his hair just because you like it long (DSD has a friend in her class who hates having long hair but her parents love her long hair so won't let her have it cut...so this does happen weirdly).

If your son wants it cut, get it cut. Totally his choice IMO.

Might be a good time to start teaching your son that sex stereotypes mean bugger all and that boys are still boys no matter what they like to wear/do/whatever.

I think you should tell him he looks lovely and he’ll always look lovely, whatever his hair is like. Then ask him if he would like it cut or to leave it long. I only suggest asking because I can imagine a 5 year old assuming the hair he/she has had for as long as they remember is the hair they’ve got for life. He may not realise there’s a choice, even though boys in his class have short hair.

All my family is white, my aunt lived in South Africa. When she visited us when I was 4, I was visibly upset when I first met her because I’d always imagined her as black. In my 4 year old rural mind only black people lived in Africa. My mum was astonished. I hadn’t understood that skin colour isn’t determined by where you live.

You need to probe what he wants without making him feel there is a right and wrong answer or that his hair now is questionable.

It seems like your son has the hair you want OP.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being a girl or having long hair.

Please ask your son what he wants. If he wants it cut, please get it cut.

I is really quite hard to know whether kids are boys or girls before puberty. So people will get mistaken if a child looks more like the opposite sex. Of course these boys at school are not confused, they know he is a boy.

However, the burden of bullying or teasing is a very heavy one for a child to have. Speak to the teacher to avoid this.

If your child is OK with all this then of course support him. But first, please make sure this is what he wants.

This is what you want - " I don't want to cut it" But if it is not what he wants it is very unfair on him.

Show him options for hair and ask him.

Bullying him for hair is abhorrent. But support him in informed decisions as a good parent.

Misspollyhadadollie

"Surely all our kids have the appearance we want until they are old enough to decide for themselves?" Not necessarily, some may not like it but accept it to keep the peace or because they are people pleasers. Some children will take off or kick off shoes or socks that are uncomfortable from an early age. They will express views about what they want to wear and we as parents will give that opinion as much 'credence' as are able to.

My dd hated dresses and skirts so we got a nice trouser suit for weddings etc. But we did have rows about clothes when she was little, she had strong opinions early on. But then she is a quite opinionated child. I am not sure all kids will voice their views so strongly.

"He has never once asked for it cut" This may be because he doesn't realize it is an option or because he knows you love it as it is. You don't need to tell him for him to know.

"...he didn't go to reception" so he is new to school and having to deal with the comments etc as someone who has just joined the class. I would really see if this is something he wants, he will still be the same person long or short hair, but he may be more confident with short hair.

Just a thought, if you do/he does decide to get it cut you could put it to good use.

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/physically/changes-appearance/hair-loss/hair-donation-wigs

Just out of interest I do think this charity should be re-named Little Princess and Little Prince www.littleprincesses.org.uk/

Ds has always had long hair.

One day in the park 2 boys came up to him and asked if he was a boy or a girl
He said boy and they went back.to their mothers.
A few minutes later they came over to him and said our mums say boys shouldn't have long hair.
His reply was Well your mum's need to get out more.

This might be ever so slightly off topic but does anyone else wonder if people just chilled the fuck out with this insistence that boys should do this and girls look like that, then there's be less transgender worries floating around?

My son had long hair. All 4 did actually. Until they asked for a cut as they were being teased at school for being a 'girl'.
My dd had her hair cut into the cutest bob at age 8 and came home crying because she was told she looked like she was trying to be a boy and was more normal when her hair was long!!

Mother fucking gender stereotyping bullshit has a lot to answer for imo

I think it depends on the child. Ds has always been very much, This is me. If you have a problem with the way I look then that is your problem.
He has never been bullied over his hair.
Any cheeky comments were always met with an equally cheeky comment back.

Unfuckingacceptable - exactly!

My son has long hair. DNGAF

Trans? DNGAF....

Zara clothes shopping online - blended fashion? WTF!

Does he even realise that having it cut is an option? I doubt you've raised it with him.

You do need to discuss it with him. Ask him if he wants his hair cut differently. And show him some pictures of boys with different hair cuts both shorter and longer. He’s so little he won’t know that there are options out there. Just assuming he would ask is unfair. He may not realise he is allowed to choose how he has his hair. Right now you’re giving me the impression he’s actually not allowed, which isn’t fair.

Sounds like something my 5 yo neice would say when she really wants something that she knows her mum will say no to. There are plenty of boys who have long hair due to religious reasons so him being told he’s a girl doesn’t wash. You need to ask your son straight up in a non-confrontational way whether he would like his hair cut and do it if he does.

Your sons hair is irrelevant. The issue is the other boys behaviour. I’d talk to the teacher. Nip it in the bud. The boys clearly need a bit of help to accept people and their differences.

I know lots of boys with long hair. Long surfer type hair or long for religious reasons. Nobody should be teased.

I saw an old school friend recently who I hadn’t seen for twenty years, they had their child with them which had long hair. I guess aged about six.

In conversation I referred to the child, who was playing nearby as “she” and got a right telling off in return because it turns out “she” was a he, but had long flowing hair.

No malice intended, I am not a bully, it’s just that the child looked like a girl. Personally I don’t see the benefit in giving a boy long hair that would outweigh the inevitable confusion and potential bullying it might lead to.

It comes under homophobic bullying. Tell the school and insist that they stop it. Sadly, many schools are really bad at dealing with this. You get all the training on how "not typical" boys and girls are treated but, in practice, schools aren't very good at it.

I agree that if we had fewer prescribed acceptable boy/girl behaviours/apearances and didn't routinely see being "like a girl" as shit and bully worthy, then this would be less of a problem anyway.

My son had below shoulder length hair until he was about 15/16. He didn't ever get bullied/silly comments about it, but people regularly thought he was a girl - even when he was wearing obviously "boys' clothes".

Personally I don’t see the benefit in giving a boy long hair that would outweigh the inevitable confusion and potential bullying it might lead to.

That sounds like you think having long hair is an intrinsic part of being a girl. And it's not.