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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DD being unreasonable

129 replies

queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 08:32

DD wants to give up her part time job (she is at college.)

She says it is too much going to college 5 days a week and then working in the evening for three days and at the weekend. She is exhausted and says her college work is suffering.

I don't know. I can see her POV but she was earning over £200 a week and I can't afford to give her that.

OP posts:
DermotOLogical · 15/10/2017 08:34

Don't give her it. If she doesn't work, she doesn't get paid.

Can she drop her hours?

OwlinaTree · 15/10/2017 08:36

Can she cut down to just weekend work?

BrutusMcDogface · 15/10/2017 08:37

That does sound far too much, I'd say. Get her to request a drop in hours, as £200 a week is loads of money (!!) and she could easily get by on less, but would miss it if she didn't work/get anything.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/10/2017 08:38

Just to clarify- too much work, on top of college.

LindyHemming · 15/10/2017 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaStabler · 15/10/2017 08:40

Then don't give it to her. She doesn't work, she doesn't earn. She can drop her hours and earn less.

SmileEachDay · 15/10/2017 08:40

That’s too much. If one of my Alevel students was doing that, they wouldn’t be able to keep up with the work.

I worked those sort of hours at uni, but I only had about 12 hours of lectures a week

Can she drop her hours?

NapQueen · 15/10/2017 08:42

She is sensible in recognising it is jeapordising her education. Why on earth would you then have to give her any money?

Could she look for Saturday only work?

LouHotel · 15/10/2017 08:45

I went to college and worked 2 evenings a week and both weekends....i very nearly flunked my alevels and its took 3 years to get back onto a career track.

Earning £800 a months at 16-18 is not necessary. Can she start by cutting her shifty in half?

Brokenbiscuit · 15/10/2017 08:46

Does she live at home? What does she need the money for?

Allthebestnamesareused · 15/10/2017 08:48

Echoing everyone else. It is way too much for her to do that amount of paid work alongside her studies.

Can she cut her shifts or find a different job with fewer hours if not.

It is more important for her to do as well as she can at this stage in her education.

However, you do not need to fund her to this extent either and I assume she appreciates you cannot afford to do this.

pilates · 15/10/2017 08:49

Can she drop to weekends only?

MaisyPops · 15/10/2017 08:49

She should cut her hours. What does she need £800 a month for?

If she wants to guve up work and you keep funding her to the same level, then she qpuld be unreasonable.

acornsandnuts · 15/10/2017 08:51

Could you work all day, then go back to work three evenings, then go back to work every weekend, then bring work home with you?

She will be exhausted bless her. She needs to reduce her hours.

PUGaLUGS · 15/10/2017 08:52

If she were mine I would be happy for her to work weekends only.

She must be exhausted.

Crumbs1 · 15/10/2017 08:53

Yes if you want decent grades give up paid work or reduce the hours.

Whatsername17 · 15/10/2017 08:53

What is she doing that means she earns that much money in three shifts? Reasonably, she could do one a week and still be better off than most peers. I worked 20 hours a week in a call centre and don't think I earned that much.

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 08:53

She's asked to change her hours but they have said not until after Christmas Hmm

I don't know. I think it's too much but on the other hand it isn't as straightforward as those saying 'don't give it to her' - she needs bus fares and phone money and clothes and shoes and lunches.

OP posts:
ILoveMillhousesDad · 15/10/2017 08:53

I don't think I could watch my child do this. You don't have to give her £200 a week, but it's like having 2 jobs and no time off. Where's her social life?

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 08:53

It's five shifts and two of them are all day.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 15/10/2017 08:54

I remember going to college and working all weekend

I had to travel on the bus too so I was leaving at 7 in the morning and not getting home till about 6 in the evening then working full hours all weekend

I was exhausted and had no time to do college work

Ended up dropping one day so I only worked one day a weekend and that helped. Eventually I did give it up altogether but reducing hours can be a big help

Appuskidu · 15/10/2017 08:54

Of course she can drop her hours but why on earth would you give her the money? Has she asked you to?

deepestdarkestperu · 15/10/2017 08:59

Can’t she take lunches from home to save some money? Surely there’s food in the house for her to take sandwiches and fruit?

I don’t understand why you’re expecting a college student to pay for clothes, shoes, bus fares and her lunches, though. Clothes and shoes - yes she should be paying for anything beyond necessities but shouldn’t you be helping her out as a parent? She’s only a minor so she’s your responsibility financially.

I feel a bit sorry for her if she has to work all those hours on top of college just to pay her way at 17.

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 08:59

She has already asked to drop her hours and has been told no.

I agree she doesn't need £200 a week but obviously she needs some money.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 15/10/2017 09:00

Can you not afford her bus fares?
does she not get a bursary?
can you not make her a lunch?