Is DD being unreasonable

[queenthequeen]

DD wants to give up her part time job (she is at college.)

She says it is too much going to college 5 days a week and then working in the evening for three days and at the weekend. She is exhausted and says her college work is suffering.

I don't know. I can see her POV but she was earning over £200 a week and I can't afford to give her that.

I work in Student Support in FE and we strongly advise our students that they should not be working outside of College more than 8hrs a week, as their coursework will definitely suffer. A College education should be treated like a full-time job; the students need to be working 37-40hrs a work in order to achieve good results (that includes their timetabled lessons, revision workshops and their own study time). Not every family can afford to give the average teenager scads of cash every week, and it is a good life lesson for young people to earn their own cash and see how far it stretches. I don't think instant gratification is very character-building, either!

I think your daughter is wise to cut done her hours. If her current company won't be flexible to retain her; she should look for a new job with fewer hours.

Having seen the workload my daughter went through for college/Alevels she could not have held down a job doing over 8 hours a week - if she wanted to quit the job then she has to realise that money she is no longer earning will not be there to spend and life will be on a budget! You have to choose one or the other - outstanding school work or money!

I'm amazed that she is able to do any work for college at all working 3 evenings a week and two full days at weekend.
That means she only has 4 evenings (so what 8~10 hours) left to do all her school work and with that she will have no time for herself at all.

Basically the equivalent of working more than 120 hours a week...

I wouldn't expect anyone to do that. Do you??

it must be a huge pressure on her. I'd really consider her education first. Jobs will come and go

She needs to drop her hours, most universities restrict their students (unless they're employing them directly then on an honesty basis) to a maximum of 16- 20 hours a week in term time and that's for adults. If her work suffers then it'll have an effect on her results which you don't want

I think 8 hours per week is sufficient for a student her age in full time college. DD worked 4 on Saturday PM and 4 on Sunday PM

I would expect you to be paying for her lunches (pack up from home if necessary), bus fares and essential clothing.

On the other hand, I would be telling her that high end branded clothing won't be funded by you. My DD managed to buy Benefit and MAC make up out of her 8 hours a week at River Island (who pay rubbish) though and the staff discount (40% I think) and uniform allowance went a long way towards her buying extra nice clothes items.

Perhaps she could look for something else where the staff discount would benefit her too?

They may be saying she can't reduce her hours now but if she threatens to quit they may have to. Better to have her on an 12 hour a week contract than nobody at all.

Then don't give it to her? It's not like she needs the money. Likewise you shouldn't let her compromise her education over a measly £200

It's way too much and her college work will suffer. She's been very grown up letting you know. You should be proud.

It's really hard finding the balance she obviously has become financially dependent on herself which is great but at the same time she's recognised her college work is suffering. At her age I earned about £200 a month !! (However I had weekend job in high street retailer and got 50% off clothes!! Not designer though) i agree with some of the pp to try and find just a regular weekend job, may be with the option of earning more during holidays etc. There will be loads of Xmas vacancies around now.

I wonder how old the DD is?

My DS is in his 2nd year at sixth form and has quit his part time job. His course his really full on and he wants to focus on it.

The college recommend students should work no more than 9-10 hours a week, it sounds like your DD is doing well in excess of this.

Why can't she look for a different job that will give her the reduced hours she's looking for?

Plenty of places are taking on part time/xmas staff.

Plus....she needs to make cutbacks on her lifestyle to afford it....such as buy cheaper makeup/clothes, go on less nights out/drinking etc

I speak as someone who first started working part time at 16 and then worked weekends during college term and then more or less full time in the holidays.

She also needs to prioritize her time - she can't complain she has no time to do college work if at the same time she's able to go out partying.....

Too much work, let her drop some hours, keep to weekend work. Why on earth does she need £200 per week anyway? She could live on less I’m sure 😂

I supported my daughter through two degrees including a masters despite being a single parent. She lived at home rent free and I gave her as much money as I could spare to make life as easy as possible for her. She also worked part time as a carer with an agency (just did as many shifts as she could. Enough not to interfere with her studies). It paid off. She now has a fantastic job. It’s what you do for your kids.

This is an amazing question. My dd is, at this moment, quitting her job bc it is interfering with her university studies. Good grades and her future is what is important. Unless she needs that specific amount of money, support her making a mature decision for her future.

DH worked summers but said that he absolutely could not work and take classes. I did not get to finish my degree bc i had to work. In the long run, my life and my ability to help my family has suffered bc i did not finish.

My daughter is in the exact same boat OP. Doing 4 really tough A levels and works 18 hours a week. It really has got too much for her lately, and the money has been great, but something has to give.
She's also requested fewer hours, but they are short staffed as it is, and can't afford to let her reduce her shifts. Makes you wonder why half the 17/18 yr olds round here, are doing absolutely nothing!
It's great they are working, but there has to be a healthy compromise.

As for working while at uni, I think that's much more feasible!
I certainly did, and managed first class, as did DH who studied double honours, and my brother, and in fact a lot of people I know! There is a lot more free time at uni than there is at 6th form studying A levels.

She needs to cut her hours and then you can help her work out how to pay for what she needs from the money she has coming in.

It isn't her age that is expensive; it's her tastes and what she is used to getting.

She will need to learn to live within her means. You can help her by getting her to download a budgeting app and start using it.

I think that it depends on her course selection. Any STEM curriculum has a ratio of hours per class equals "x" hours of study. Ds is studying business with science and math requiring multiple hours of study; some classes also have labs.

My DH works fulltime on top of being a full time student...works out to around 130 hours per week. He’s a bit tired! I wouldn’t recommend it if you don’t have to! Although when I was in college almost everyone I knew also held down a full time job so not that abnormal round here.

For the late posters, who haven't read the OP and subsequent elaborations: OP's dd is studying A levels.

user Where do you live? It's certainly not the case for most A level students to be holding full-time jobs alongside school/college attendance.

Must be very grim around your parts.

As for working while at uni, I think that's much more feasible!

Depends enormously on the course, in termtime at least.