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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DD being unreasonable

129 replies

queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 08:32

DD wants to give up her part time job (she is at college.)

She says it is too much going to college 5 days a week and then working in the evening for three days and at the weekend. She is exhausted and says her college work is suffering.

I don't know. I can see her POV but she was earning over £200 a week and I can't afford to give her that.

OP posts:
Allergictoironing · 15/10/2017 09:01

£200 a week is well over twice the weekly benefits rate for someone without dependents. It's also more than many families have between them for the same things after mortgage/rent, utility bills etc.

If you calculate what she NEEDS for fares/lunches and phone (on a reasonable contract, not an all you can eat with a new iPhone thrown in), add a bit more on for clothing etc (again, a reasonable amount & not a new outfit every fortnight), I think you may realise that £200 a week is much more than she actually needs.

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 09:01

I do try deepest.

But they are expensive at this age!

OP posts:
grannytomine · 15/10/2017 09:01

It is alot and if she can't do it she can't do it but some can. My DD worked 30 hours a week during A levels and she got 4 As at A level and then another 2 A at AS level.

Slartybartfast · 15/10/2017 09:02

Can you make some cut backs.?
I gave up smoking when my dd went to college.
I rarely eat meat now - make some sacrifices
and if you are that badly off she will be entitled to a bursary for her travel surely?

DeadGood · 15/10/2017 09:02

Play the long game FGS OP! She is telling you it's too much. Why not believe her? What will you do if she fails her course and has to repeat it? That won't be free either. You would have wasted loads more money that way.

For one thing, she doesn't actually need your permission to quit. She should talk to her employer again and make it clear that if she can't reduce her hours, she will have no choice but to leave.

You should also consider if there is a difference in the rate you both get paid hourly. If, for example, you earn 50% more than she does per hour, it takes you much less time to earn that £200. So maybe you could consider setting some aside for her as a short term arrangement.

And finally, are there any other jobs going in your area that could work better, if hours can't be dropped at this one?

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 09:02

None of us have ever smoked or been on benefits for that matter.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 15/10/2017 09:03

Can you afford to give her just the basics? Bus fare, cheap phone, packed lunch? Those should not add up to £200/week. What has she been doing with the rest of the money? Has she built up some savings? If so then she can use thos for the 'extras'.

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 09:04

I'm not saying she can't quit it DeadGood and to be honest the way you just spoke to me really upset me.

I am on my own.

I want my kids to have the world but I can't afford it and I'm trying.

Anyway I'll stop posting now. I was just a bit upset for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 09:05

With her money she buys Hollister, Jack Wills, nights out sometimes, (taxis and booze!) a new laptop, shoes, trainers, saving up for uni, bareMinerals and benefit makeup ...

Like I say it's an expensive age.

Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 15/10/2017 09:05

ok well it is christmas soon, then she can perhaps temporarily cut down her hours for the sake of studying, then build it up during the summer holidays.
work out how much bus far is,
suggest she takes food from home
and how much clothes does she actually need?

a college student shouldnt need that much money to get by.

fullofhope03 · 15/10/2017 09:05

God - way too many hours on top of her college work. No wonder she's exhausted poor thing. Could she start looking for Xmas work asap and leave her current job? And just do one day during the weekend? Agree that she doesn't need anything like £200 a week and college and her health must come first.

Slartybartfast · 15/10/2017 09:06

have you looked into college bursary?

Original poster
queenthequeen · 15/10/2017 09:07

No, we aren't low income. Like I say thanks for advice.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 15/10/2017 09:08

Has she spent all the money she has earnt so far? If so she needs to have up enough times get her bus fairs and stuff she needs and then drop the job and use her savings.

Musereader · 15/10/2017 09:10

Dont you still get child benefit? When i was in college my mum gave me the child benefit. £20 a week, bus was 7 and rest for lunches. I used to skip lunch and buy clothes.

She does not need you to give her £200 but she does need something.

Appuskidu · 15/10/2017 09:10

She needs to make a choice then like the rest of us, doesn't she?

You work less and have more time to yourself, but the flip side of that is that you have less money to spend on nice things like branded clothes and expensive make up!

We all have to make decisions like that as we go through life, surely?

cremedelashite · 15/10/2017 09:10

It is too much. I'd figure a way to convince her bosses to reduce her hours in the first instance. They've trained her. She's reliable. Cutting down 2 shifts for her studies isn't too much to ask if the alternative is that she will leave. Good luck finding a solution. She sounds hard working, but sensible too. A credit to you. Could babysitting be an option?

surreygoldfish · 15/10/2017 09:11

If she's doing A levels that's way too much - she should be doing a fair amount of extra study outside of the classroom. Sounds like she's also spending too much on 'extras. Is there a middle ground where she gets a different job for extras but more support for the basics? Are there other ways to spend less - cycle or walk rather than bus?

paq · 15/10/2017 09:13

She needs to learn to live within her means and this is a perfect time to teach her about budgeting. Sit her down and work out her the cost of her essential outgoings. The world won’t end if she doesn’t but Hollister clothes every month.

flissfloss65 · 15/10/2017 09:14

Do look at school bursary for low income parents. Most schools will pay for an annual bus fare and give a small amount of money per term.

BlondeB83 · 15/10/2017 09:16

She doesn't need £200 a week and IMO that's a lot of hour for someone in full time college. Could she look for another job that's less shifts?

DancesWithOtters · 15/10/2017 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witsender · 15/10/2017 09:18

Too much too young, she must be knackered!

user1499169579 · 15/10/2017 09:18

Is this for a levels? So basic education? I think she is right. And as her parent have some responsibility to pay for/facilitate her completing basic education. - lunches, bus fares, some clothing, study materials.

How many hours do you think it is reasonable to work per week- include all college hours, plus homework, as well as paid employment, as all of that is working.

I had jobs from 15, and all through college and university.
But 3 nights a week, plus the weekend is definitely too much.

Brittbugs80 · 15/10/2017 09:18

Do you take any of that money off her?

She will need some money yes but that should be for fun, she shouldn't be worrying about feeding herself.

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