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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask for help to replace lost things

150 replies

Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:32

My parents are great and such good help with the kids. 2 weeks ago, they took them both out for the day. They were going to a National Trust place and the weather wasn't great so I packed a bag with waterproofs, hats, spare footwear etc. There was over £200 worth of stuff in the bag altogether they came back and said that they were sorry but they lost the bag of stuff...All of it. It was all new stuff that I had bought ready for this season. I'm gutted. I'm. On maternity leave and really can't afford to replace it. We've tried trying to trace the stuff but it's been a few weeks and it hasn't turned up. My parents haven't mentioned replacing it. WIBU to ask them to at least help to replace some of the stuff? Do I just suck it up and try to find cheap replacements?

OP posts:
Anatidae · 18/09/2017 11:34

Do they know what was in it? Of course they should replace it ...

ineedwine99 · 18/09/2017 11:35

I would be asking for at least a contribution. How do they lose a whole bag of clothes??

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 18/09/2017 11:36

£200 worth of stuff. That's crazy. Ask them to try and find the stuff at lost property first. Then for a contribution but not £200.

why12345 · 18/09/2017 11:36

No you're not BU! I wonder why they haven't offered to do it.

Ellendegeneres · 18/09/2017 11:36

God no yanbu. If it were my mum I'd be saying you need to replace it, you took responsibility for it and I can't afford to re buy all the stuff

OVienna · 18/09/2017 11:44

What is your relationship like with them otherwise? Are they the sort of parents who offer to pay for stuff for you generally?

What do they say happened ? Did you indicate you were horrified at the time?

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:46

Ghoul, £200 is easily spent on 2 kids. 2 pairs of shoes, 2 coats (decent waterproof winter ones), wellies, full outfit change, hats, gloves etc. We have tried to find the stuff but they said nothing was handed in. We have since called more than once. My dad says he remembers taking it back to the car When they were leaving. He thinks he's put it down when packing the pushchair etc into the boot and either left it there or somehow knocked it out. I wasnt there so I don't know what's happened other than what they are saying.
How do I bring it up again? Do I just say I tried calling again and the stuff hasnt been handed in and that it might be time to start thinking about replacements and see if they offer?

OP posts:
GirlOnATrainToShite · 18/09/2017 11:48

Can you claim in on household insurance?

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:48

My relationship is generally good. It doesn't involve money much. We generally pay our own share of stuff. They have NT cards so the trip wouldn't have cost them anything. They do occasionally but the odd little treat for the kids though but nothing huge.

OP posts:
OVienna · 18/09/2017 11:48

I have to be honest with you, I would also be wondering if there was any question their memory/awareness was deteriorating a bit if my parents did something like this. I appreciate anyone can make a mistake but it would cross my mind. But then in my case it would be very out of the ordinary for my parents do something like this.

I guess I would want to know more about the DCs behaviour at the time too, to kind of see if it was reasonable they could have become very distracted.

OVienna · 18/09/2017 11:49

Cross posts
How do I bring it up again? Do I just say I tried calling again and the stuff hasnt been handed in and that it might be time to start thinking about replacements and see if they offer?

Yes but be clear about what you will do if they say no.

NataliaOsipova · 18/09/2017 11:51

It's annoying - but I think that, as they were doing you a favour by looking after the kids, you would be a bit unreasonable to ask them to replace it. So, so irritating, though - I feel for you.

Anatidae · 18/09/2017 11:54

200 worth of stuff, that's crazy

Not even slightly. For winter here ds need snowsuit, hat, gloves, woolies. For autumn and spring we have full waterproofs, galon pants and jacket as well as shell, wellies, fleece lined wellies and winter boots. A good snowsuit is 120 quid minimum. Decent waterproofs are 40-60 quid for a jacket.

Perfectly1mperfect · 18/09/2017 11:54

I don't think I would ask, no. It was an accident and I suppose could have happened to anyone if they were distracted by children. I know it's a pain to buy the stuff again but I think for me it would just be one of those crap situation that I would reluctantly accept.

I suppose if you mention that you are going to start re buying it all, they may offer to help you out.

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:58

I could look into house insurance if they say no. It was all recent purchases so I probably will have receipts for most of the stuff.
If they do say no, in not going to argue. We've had a difficult history but have been on really good terms for about the past 6 years and I don't want to fall out over it.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 18/09/2017 12:01

No It's not worth ruining the relationship with your parents. You can pick up hat, gloves, wellies, shoes and a waterproof coat from Asda or similar for £100 for two dc.

Pouncival · 18/09/2017 12:02

the trouble with house insurance is that there will be an excess so it's probably not worth claiming

Anatidae · 18/09/2017 12:04

Wellies and stuff you can get cheap but nothing from Asda is any good for poor weather. It's ok for a quick run to the shops but not hours outside.

I'd be in a total mess if our kids stuff got lost - they are outdoors 2/3 of the day at kindergarten, they need decent kit. Stuff from supermarkets isn't enough to keep them warm and dry all day and they can't go to kindergarten without outdoor gear.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/09/2017 12:06

I think you have no option but to raise it again. Say that all avenues to try to recover the lost items have been exhausted and as you're on maternity leave, you haven't sufficient funds to pay out for another full set of wet weather clothes and as they were the ones who misplaced it or lost it, is there any way that they could help in sourcing new wet weather clothes for X and Y.
Have you/they gone back in person to the NT location where the loss took place? someone may have handed in a bag and they wouldn't necessarily realise that the one you're looking for is the one that they received?? Maybe??? Being there in person you'd be able to ask to see their lost property section (if they even have one).

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 12:06

My DD does outdoor day at school and ds is going to be outdoors everyday at nursery when he starts next month. The weather is harsh where I am. I don't think ASDA stuff will cut it, unfortunately.

OP posts:
Hillarious · 18/09/2017 12:08

I think it was just an unfortunate accident. You can drop hints about needing to buy replacements, but shouldn't ask for or insist on a contribution. I also doubt this incident is indicative of your parents' failing memories. When you're not looking after children day in day out, it's a relative big deal when you have to, especially when they come with a load of kit.

highinthesky · 18/09/2017 12:12

In situations such as this, the charity shop is your best friend. Seek and ye shall find.

I personally don't think its worth raising the matter of £200 with your parents, if you absolutely must just mention inconvenience of having to shop again for it rather than the cost. How many thousands did they spend raising you?

LML83 · 18/09/2017 12:12

My parents are a good help. And they are not careless. If it was me i would never ask for the cash (they would offer and I would say no) it's just bad luck.

If they repeatedly lost things i might feel differently.

Or if you really can't replace it then you might have to ask but cheaper alternatives would be my first choice.

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 12:13

Principal, I just looked at my house insurance policy. I have a £150 excess, so it's definitely not worth it.

Reading responses, I can see both sides... Which is why I asked, I suppose. I was undecided. I think I'm just going to be really honest with them and say that the stuff still hasn't turned up and that it would impact us to replace it and ask if they would be willing to help. If they say no, then I'll just deal with it and accept the loss. It's irritating and if I'm honest, I feel a bit cross about it but it's not the end of the world.
.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 18/09/2017 12:14

I don't understand how anyone who loses or damaging anything belonging to someone else doesn't immediately offer to replace it. I would be mortified in their shoes.

I once loaned someone a decent suitcase once. I'd only used it twice myself. Came back damaged and actually couldn't be used again. Now, I'm prepared to accept it was more likely damaged by airport baggage guys rather than my friend, but she made no offer to even offer something towards a new one.

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