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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to ask for help to replace lost things

150 replies

Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:32

My parents are great and such good help with the kids. 2 weeks ago, they took them both out for the day. They were going to a National Trust place and the weather wasn't great so I packed a bag with waterproofs, hats, spare footwear etc. There was over £200 worth of stuff in the bag altogether they came back and said that they were sorry but they lost the bag of stuff...All of it. It was all new stuff that I had bought ready for this season. I'm gutted. I'm. On maternity leave and really can't afford to replace it. We've tried trying to trace the stuff but it's been a few weeks and it hasn't turned up. My parents haven't mentioned replacing it. WIBU to ask them to at least help to replace some of the stuff? Do I just suck it up and try to find cheap replacements?

OP posts:
LML83 · 18/09/2017 21:24

Even though it isn't regular childcare I would appreciate the kind thought of taking my kids out for the day.

It was an accident. It's really rude to suggest they pay.

Also I do think it's partly your fault for sending out so much stuff. My kids wear the shoes we make a guess on the weather and occasionally caught out. Wear a jumper/hoody and take a waterproof pack a mac style thing. Leggings an t-shirt for the youngest in case of nappy leak.

if it's so wet you need fresh clothes and shoes they will probably change the plans.

5rivers7hills · 18/09/2017 21:57

I'd raise it in a "ufort the costs haven't turned up at the NT place. In a bit of a pickle as we just bought the kids all new winter stuff and funds are pretty tight at the moment - any chance you could help out and get them both a replacement coat as an early Christmas gift?"

5rivers7hills · 18/09/2017 21:59

Wear a jumper/hoody and take a waterproof pack a mac style thing

Guess you're used to going for walks on the moors in horizontal rain ;-)

LML83 · 18/09/2017 22:10

If it's horizontal rain I wouldn't take a toddler in a buggy a walk no.

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 22:30

I don't think I've said anywhere that I don't appreciate them
In fact, I've said that I do. I don't think some people have rtft. I also have never said I'd bill them. I said perhaps they could help contribute to replacements.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 22:31

Also, what I had packed in t the bag isn't really the issue, if I want to send my kids out with flippers, a snorkel and a kazoo I should be able to.

OP posts:
LML83 · 18/09/2017 22:37

it's a lot to keep track of is all I am saying especially when you are not used to having young kids daily.

I believe you appreciate them taking children out, if you ask for money to replace lost things it will probably make your parents feel like you don't appreciate it.

I also sympathise it is disappointing to loose all the stuff. Hopefully it does still turn up.

Shadow666 · 18/09/2017 23:13

It's one bag of stuff on a push chair Hmm

Different if the kids are older but the grand parents lost it so of course they should offer to chip in and help replace the stuff.

I'm really shocked the OP is getting such a hard time here. She didn't do anything wrong. Her kids went out for the day with their grand parents and she prepared a bag with extra coats and a change of clothes like most parents do and the grand parents lost it. People are quibbling over the weather and whether the grand parents bought lunch and why the OP spent so much on coats in the first place and it isn't relevant.

The grand parents lost it so they should replace it.

CardsforKittens · 18/09/2017 23:25

Would it be worth asking at the police station near the NT place in case it's been handed in there?

But in general I agree that the grandparents should have offered at least a contribution towards replacements, and since they haven't yet it's a good idea to ask diplomatically.

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 19/09/2017 08:16

I did call a local police station after it was suggested on here. They were kind and took my details and a description of the bag and stuff and said they would contact me if anything showed up... However, it's unlikely after 2 weeks. I think a trip back to the place this weekend is next on the list.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 19/09/2017 08:24

I'd go along with the approach of saying that the bag hasn't turned up, and that it's not a great time financially to have to replace all of it. Mention you've looked at your insurance but the XS takes it out of the equation. Then they are at least aware, and the ball is in their court to offer. I'd be really upset about it, tbh, but agree with other PPs that it isn't worth falling out over. Def a trip to a supermarket/Primark/Ebay for clothes for any future outings.

Doglikeafox · 19/09/2017 08:48

I can't believe the amount of pointless posts incriminating you OP. Yes it is is OP's fault that the bag was lost, she shouldn't have trusted them with one bag. Too much responsibility for two people who have obviously raised atleast one child successfully themselves... and who OP obviously trusts with her two children!Hmm
It is no ones business why the stuff was in the bag, how much was in the bag, why there weren't any hand me downs. It is totally irrelevant to the point of the thread.

steppemum · 19/09/2017 09:11

just smiling at the thought of your kids in their flippers Grin

I would be really up front.
Just say it hasn't turned up and the stuff in it was mostly new and all togetehr cost a lot of money, ask and say would it be possible for them to help with paying for replacements as you are skint.

Then take their lead. Shock and huffiness - OK don't worry, doesn't matter, put the kettle on.

I would think hard about their own finances before suggesting an amount though.

Dixiechickonhols · 19/09/2017 09:23

I'd keep trying the nat trust place and try and call in. It may turn up weeks later. I'm thinking scenario of left in car park , next family has bundled kids dogs bags in car and a few weeks later notice bag in boot and realise not theirs. The chance of it being stolen are fairly slim.

BouncyFlouncy · 19/09/2017 09:33

Totally not the point of the thread but it seems the ideal place to ask - where is best for a decent warm waterproof coat for a 5 year old? We've had supermarket coats up until now but he's just about to start forest school one day a week, so his current coat probably won't cut it.

steppemum · 19/09/2017 09:51

Go Outdoors/Mountain wharehouse etc - get a fleece lined waterproof. The waterproof part isn't like a raincoat/cagoule it is heavier.

ferrier · 19/09/2017 09:56

There's no way I'd ask. It was a mistake. They were doing you a favour.
About the most I would do would be to mention how annoying it is that no-one handed it in and point out what was in there.
Do not blame them - it could happen to anyone and it will sour the relationship.

DorothyHarris · 19/09/2017 10:04

Bouncy, I got a lovely mountain warehouse on amazon last year for about 20quid

Coffeeandcherrypie · 19/09/2017 10:45

They were doing you a favour.

Do your parents only spend time with your children as a favour to you? How sad.

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 19/09/2017 10:55

Bouncy, my dd's coat was a North Face ski coat - before I get slammed by users who think I should use primark or gand-me-downs, I buy big and her last coats have lasted 2 winters. Her coat will be used daily (with a lot of time spent outdoors) from September - April. We also ski (when funds allow when I'm back at work) and it will be used then.

I'm. Confused by people's perceptions of the grandparent- grandchild relationship. I intend to love my grandkids and WANT to spend time with them for me....

OP posts:
BellyBean · 19/09/2017 11:15

I'd ask for replacement contribution as early Xmas present.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/09/2017 11:35

Grandparents can spend time with their grandkids without the hassle of taking 2 young kids out by themselves for the day. If they just wanted to see them they could have visited.
I don't think anyone is saying it's the ops fault. They are saying it was an accident and no-ones fault but things get lost with young kids and it's a hell of a lot to spend on clothes for that age. You can get decent waterproofs in the likes of Lidl I've found which are just as good as the expensive outdoors shops. If the op sent a bag of 200 quids worth of clothes into nursery and it got lost would she expect them to contribute because they wouldn't! If you can't afford to replace lost kids stuff that's a sign you're overspending imo.
I'd be pissed off if I took a friend/relatives child to the park for eg and they left their coat and the friend asked me to help replace it because it was £100. I'd be wondering wtf a child had a coat worth that much.

BouncyFlouncy · 19/09/2017 11:57

Brilliant, thank you, I'll have a look on amazon and go outdoors.

LadybirdsAreFab · 19/09/2017 12:04

Have a look on Lands End (UK site) and head over to the sale bit. Sometimes they have fabulous discounts. Their coats are lovely.

NachoAddict · 19/09/2017 12:37

Op in your shoes I would probably ask if they could loan you the money to replace the stuff as funds are tight and it all needs replacing in one go.
That way lets them know how much it costs, that you are struggling and gives them chance to offer the money if they want to but without expectation.

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