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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to ask for help to replace lost things

150 replies

Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:32

My parents are great and such good help with the kids. 2 weeks ago, they took them both out for the day. They were going to a National Trust place and the weather wasn't great so I packed a bag with waterproofs, hats, spare footwear etc. There was over £200 worth of stuff in the bag altogether they came back and said that they were sorry but they lost the bag of stuff...All of it. It was all new stuff that I had bought ready for this season. I'm gutted. I'm. On maternity leave and really can't afford to replace it. We've tried trying to trace the stuff but it's been a few weeks and it hasn't turned up. My parents haven't mentioned replacing it. WIBU to ask them to at least help to replace some of the stuff? Do I just suck it up and try to find cheap replacements?

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 18/09/2017 12:51

I wouldn't ask for it back personally, it's just one of those things that could happen to anyone in a moment of distraction. £200 is a lot to spend on waterproofs. I always manage to find them in my local charity shops in great condition, could you try that to replace them . Kids grow out of stuff so quickly . Obviously you need to replace shoes but waterproofs can be picked up cheaply on Ebay second hand.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 18/09/2017 12:56

I would definitely be hoping they'd offer but would be too worried to ask so I think I would drop some awfully heavy hints but probably wouldn't ask outright. £200 for two new sets of bad weather gear is pretty much ballpark I'd say, between coats and wellies it adds up

Shadow666 · 18/09/2017 12:57

I'd be gutted too Sad

They probably just haven't thought. I'd mention the cost and that you have to replace everything and see if they bite.

We also live in cold climes so I spent a small fortune on expensive winter coats last year. They really do make a big difference.

WeAllHaveWings · 18/09/2017 13:01

You parents take them out for the day and carried 2 pairs of shoes, 2 coats (decent waterproof winter ones), wellies, full outfit change, hats, gloves etc. around with them all day! Shock.

You need to think about how to minimise what you are asking them to cart around, 3 pairs of footwear per child (one on feet and two in bag) per day is excessive!

Dahlietta · 18/09/2017 13:04

Could you try asking them if they mind phoning up the NT place again and asking if anyone handed it in - say that they might be able to explain more clearly where it was left. Tell them you're thinking of driving up there if they don't get a good response when they 'phone because you can't afford to replace the stuff. That way they at least get the message that you'll struggle to replace it. If they don't bite at that, then at least you know they're not likely to!

Allthebestnamesareused · 18/09/2017 13:04

Ask THEM if it is covered on their house insurance? That may jog them to make an offer to help replace it?

Runningwater · 18/09/2017 13:06

If you have a history of a difficult relationship I would not ask as I think if they were going to offer they would have already tbh. Depends if you are willing to fall out again.

My parents would have offered but I wouldn't have asked.

AddictedtoSnickers · 18/09/2017 13:06

I wouldn't ask directly for the money if they haven't offered. I would say something like - Mum, if you're in town please can you keep your eyes peeled in the sales / charity shops for me? Sizes X / Y / brand Z. NT place definitely can't trace the lost stuff so I need to replace it all as cheaply as possible.

My guess if that they have NO clue how much you had spent on the stuff. I have a spare bag of wellies and waterproofs which (luckily) is all good quality hand-me-downs been given to me by family and friends. Maybe they presumed the bag had inexpensive spares in it??

If you have a Mountain Warehouse nearby, try there. Cheap and cheerful and I find the quality is reasonable.

NataliaOsipova · 18/09/2017 13:08

Ask THEM if it is covered on their house insurance? That may jog them to make an offer to help replace it?

That's a really, really good idea....

PlasticPatty · 18/09/2017 13:10

How rude. Don't even think of asking your parents for money to replace lost items. They were looking after your children for a day. Things happen, accidents, items are lost. It's part of life.

If you ask, they might pay up. If you ask or don't ask, but sulk and act as if you've been hard done by, they might think it isn't worth it to them to spend time with your children.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/09/2017 13:10

another one surprised they haven't offered. If you lose/trash someone else's belongings, it's down to you to pay for them (unless you are completely skint and the other person is loaded.)

BarbarianMum · 18/09/2017 13:11

Ask THEM if it is covered on their house insurance? That may jog them to make an offer to help replace it?

Yes that's genius.

happylittlevegemites · 18/09/2017 13:13

Could you ask for replacements as an early Christmas present?

I'll second others that quality outdoor gear does cost a lot, but it's worth it as it lasts ages.

OfficerVanHalen · 18/09/2017 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doglikeafox · 18/09/2017 13:15

Oh what a shame and how upsetting for you OP. Personally I wouldn't ask for anything. It is a real shame and I bet they already feel really rubbish but it was a complete accident and could have happened at any time with anyone. They were trying to do you and the children a favour by taking them for a lovely day out and unfortunately these things happen. It definitely wouldn't be worth risking the relationship.
As another poster has said although £200 was spent initially, you should be able to get replacements for a lot cheaper than that second hand/Asda and b and m. Sure it won't be the same but for things that probably won't fit or be season appropriate more than a year anyway it just wouldn't be worth risking the relationship in my opinion.

RideOn · 18/09/2017 13:20

I would definitely not mention it, if they were going to offer they would have by now. I would buy cheap replacements and be glad you have lovely parents who take your DCs on lovely days out. They didnt lose it on purpose.

chocatoo · 18/09/2017 13:22

I would drop a massive hint but not ask outright. If they weren't forthcoming I'd suck it up because they were doing you a favour and you don't want to risk them not offering other favours, also it's not worth falling out over.

Original poster
Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 13:23

Wings...I think you've missed the point. It was all in one bag. The bag fits nicely in the pushchair basket. I don't think that's the issue here. It's perfectly reasonable to take a change of clothes and extra weather protection for young children.

I'm also confused at the assumption I'm benefiting from free childcare. They offered to take them out because they like to spend time with them. They weren't doing us a favour (although yes, we did end up with a child free day) and we don't have regular childcare from them. Some pps are making it sound like it's unusual for grandparents to have grandchildren for their own pleasure and not just to help out.

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 18/09/2017 13:23

Anatidae's not wrong about the British attitude to appropriate clothing. See bloody school uniforms I suspect she's an expat like me - I'm in another country where it gets colder than the UK in winter, though not to consistently -20 levels, and there's at least a few weeks of snow lying most winters and good winter clothes are important. They can be had for cheaper than 120, but the quality does vary and I can see the logic in investing in an expensive brand.

OP, I think (although there are hints in your post at your parents being difficult in more than one way) here I'd err on the side of sucking it up. I know it's not a regular occasion, but it's still a day out and a break from what sound like pretty young children. And I presume it was an accident - if they feel 'punished' they may not be keen to repeat the experience. Infuriating, though.

retreatwhispering · 18/09/2017 13:23

I agree about asking them to claim on their insurance. Their insurance is also more likely to cover it.

Chilver · 18/09/2017 13:26

I'd kind of suck it up... as in not push the matter or outright ask for replacement money. However, I would:

  1. ask if their household insurance covers stuff like this, or
  2. Ask them to keep a lookout for cheap/ charity stuff when out and about, or
  3. ask for replacements for christmas instead of toys/ books etc
CorbynsBumFlannel · 18/09/2017 13:26

Yabu. Accidents happen as annoying as it is. I would take it as a lesson learned and get less expensive stuff if you can't afford to replace it as stuff can get lost. Even you could leave a bag somewhere and it not be handed it. I think most of us have done it.
You say your parents take your kids on days out every now and again. Have you seen the price of a full days childcare? They are likely still in credit with you! I wouldn't invoice them for lost items unless you would be happy to be invoiced for childcare.

amornin · 18/09/2017 13:26

Yeah, I don't think you should ask OP. I wouldn't - personally I'd consider it just part and parcel of the cost of someone else looking after my children. Obviously you wouldn't have paid £200 for the privilege, but presumably they have/will take them our more at other times that don't cost you anything.

Now if they'd offered I'd certainly accept, but I think you shouldn't hand over expensive kit to other people to look after if you can't afford to replace it.

Ceto · 18/09/2017 13:29

Off the point, but why full new outfits for both? Can't at least some of DC1's grown out of stuff be handed down to DC2?

OVienna · 18/09/2017 13:29

If they felt rubbish already though, I think they would have offered to replace. I absolutely can't imagine mine not offering, thinking about it - which is why it's challenging to think of an approach.

You say things have been good for the past six years, it sounds like there were issues before then.

I think if it were me in the interest of keeping the peace I wouldn't ask for money directly but phone them and say how much you'd appreciate them going to the NT in person to speak to someone there. With this: "Sorry if this seems like an inconvenience but in fact we'd just bought most of those items, it came to £200 which roughly the same as our household insurance excess. We might consider going down the route of a claim anyway, but I'd like to have another crack at finding the items if I could."

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