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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to ask for help to replace lost things

150 replies

Alexkate2468 · 18/09/2017 11:32

My parents are great and such good help with the kids. 2 weeks ago, they took them both out for the day. They were going to a National Trust place and the weather wasn't great so I packed a bag with waterproofs, hats, spare footwear etc. There was over £200 worth of stuff in the bag altogether they came back and said that they were sorry but they lost the bag of stuff...All of it. It was all new stuff that I had bought ready for this season. I'm gutted. I'm. On maternity leave and really can't afford to replace it. We've tried trying to trace the stuff but it's been a few weeks and it hasn't turned up. My parents haven't mentioned replacing it. WIBU to ask them to at least help to replace some of the stuff? Do I just suck it up and try to find cheap replacements?

OP posts:

NachoAddict · 19/09/2017 12:38

I would only do that if you know for definite that they are not facing money troubles and it won't cause them any hardship though.

clairethewitch70 · 19/09/2017 16:48

If you are all NT members, why not all go for a day there asap. Try and retrace DP's steps, have a good look around. Go to cafe's, shops, parking attendants, reception etc as well as lost property. The bag may have been handed into a department and not yet been passed onto the lost property office.

clairethewitch70 · 19/09/2017 17:03

Do they have any idea about what point in the day/ they lost it? It might help people give suggestions. Such as in a woodland area, where it might not have been found yet.

I hate to say this, but someone dishonest may have found it. Have you checked Ebay, Facebook selling sites etc, I hope not though.

At least the bomb squad where not called in for an unidentified package, so it did not remain in a spot for long and must have been moved.

LIZS · 19/09/2017 17:09

Ebay is really good for brands like TNF (wash and reproof in Nikwax if needs be) or check out Snow and Rock's online reduced section

Motoko · 19/09/2017 17:53

I like the loan idea. I think that's worth a try.

I'm surprised that people think that grandparents taking the children out for the day is doing the OP a favour. You could just as easily say that the OP was doing the grandparents a favour, allowing them to take them out!

I'm also surprised that OP's parents haven't already offered to pay for replacements. Everyone I know would have been mortified at having lost the bag, and would either offer the full amount, or if they couldn't afford that, at least a contribution.

Good luck OP, I hope they give you at least some money towards it.

Idontmeanto · 19/09/2017 18:12

In my experience grandparents can be absolutely clueless about the modern cost of raising a family. (A bit bitter, here.) They hear salaries that were beyond their wildest dreams but don't do the mental gymnastics to balance them against the cost of living.
Personally I wouldn't rock the boat and say nothing, but I'd be upset. In that respect Yanbu. It would be good manners for them to offer.

TammySwansonTwo · 19/09/2017 18:19

i would have a look for preloved stuff, eBay or Facebook groups (scandi groups would be good as those brands have better quality cold weather stuff). If you post and explain you may find people will offer you stuff quite cheaply to make room.

Alanna1 · 19/09/2017 18:27

I think you need to cover it, if the grandparents were providing free childcare, but I think you should talk to them about how much it is costing you to replace it (so that they are more careful in future). I'd also think about how much stuff there was. I don't know where you are, but NT implies UK somewhere.... I use decathlon for lots of outdoor equipment, and you can get good, reasonably priced, kids stuff there. I'd also think about how much you pack as "spare" - I'm not sure how old your kids are? But mine are young, and I don't pack spare gloves/hats/coats etc. They have a coat and I expect them to keep hold of it! And I don't bother with spare footwear. You can get waterproof trainers/shoes which means you don't really need wellies on things like this. Anyway good luck.

Original poster

Alexkate2468 · 19/09/2017 18:29

Corbynsbum, I don't see why you can't understand that it isn't a hassle for them. Have you never wanted to spend time with younger children and take them out and treat them because you also will enjoy the day? I love taking my nieces out. It's a chance for me to bond with them without my DD is there. I dont consider it a favour. My parents visit a lot, it's a change for them to go out. With regard to you judging my spending, nobody budgets to replace 2 whole sets of winter clothes and shoes all in one go. Had just a pair of wellies or just a coat gone missing, this would be easier to replace. Also, nowhere have I said I'm going to ask for an amount of money. I was going to ask if they minded helping with replacements.
There whole situation is very different from a child losing their own coat at school. For the record, a teacher at my school used a compass belonging to a child doing DofE and was made to replace it. If a teacher personally loses a child's items and it's not the child being careless, then schools will reimburse parents (in my experience). Also, if I were the friend who lost a coat when looking after a child, I would offer to replace it. It would be my fault. Different if the child had lost it.

Anyway, all that aside - Mum called earlier today to ask if I'd had any luck finding the stuff. I said I hadn't. I've said we're going to do a trip next weekend (can't this weekend) to look. Without me saying anything, she said just to reorder the coats and shoes etc and she would give me the money. I didn't have to ask. I made it very clear that I was very VERY grateful for the offer and said I wouldn't do the clothes, just the winter stuff. I also offered to pay some but she declined.

I know for certain their financial situation is very comfortable (and that's being reserved).

Thanks to people for the genuinely helpful suggestions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alexkate2468 · 19/09/2017 18:32

Also, I'll reorder after I've done the trip for one final check.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alexkate2468 · 19/09/2017 18:34

Alana - rtft.....🙈

OP posts:

Coffeeandcherrypie · 19/09/2017 18:43

So glad she did the right thing, OP! They will be much more careful in future

HeebieJeebies456 · 19/09/2017 19:05

Awwww!!!

That was lovely of your mum, OP.
I'm glad it's worked out without you being put in an awkward position

Idontmeanto · 19/09/2017 19:21

That's great news!

Spudlet · 19/09/2017 19:24

That's great, I'm so glad!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/09/2017 20:11

Glad it's sorted.
And I'm sure that the GPs do enjoy looking after their grandkids but it's a bit weird that you won't acknowledge it also helps you out.
Also surprised you've had teachers reimburse you for coats. I've been missing a trick there!

Motoko · 19/09/2017 22:28

Good to hear your mum has offered to pay for replacements.

Perfectly1mperfect · 19/09/2017 22:43

Good to hear it's all worked out with your mum. Still fingers crossed you find them when you go though. x

OVienna · 20/09/2017 09:06

Phew,OP.

5rivers7hills · 20/09/2017 09:31

Huzzah! Good update!

buckeejit · 20/09/2017 11:36

I wouldn't ask them to replace it as it's likely to cause offence esp since you've had a difficult history

Agree with pp who says replace from Asda/primark or look for 2nd hand stuff. You should be able to replace for less-Sainsbury's have 25% off at the mo

Sayyouwill · 20/09/2017 11:42

Why not just say to them
"I can't afford to replace everything that was in that bag, it cost me £200 and now DC are going to suffer because I can't replace it all. If you're able to help me out at all I would be really grateful"
Then if they say no, you'll be able to at least know you tried and where you stand with them.

steppemum · 20/09/2017 12:30

OP- I think your mum is on mn

buckeejit · 20/09/2017 15:40

Ah brilliant! That's really good news :)

Original poster

Alexkate2468 · 20/09/2017 19:18

Steppemum, that would be funny.

OP posts:

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