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Original poster

To update you on controlling weight-obsessed dad

130 replies

Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:14

This is a TAAT so please delete if not allowed, admin, but I posted yesterday about the fact that my dad has been critical of my weight all my life (to the point of being emotionally abusive and causing me to have an eating disorder) and is now demanding that I lose 2.5 stone by 18th November which is when we were due to fly abroad to meet family. He had also agreed to lend me the tuition fees for med school but only if I lose weight. I asked for that thread to be deleted in the end as I was worried that it would be too identifying (thank you admin for agreeing to delete it) but I just wanted to update you -

I am going to tell him tonight that I am now not going abroad with him and I no longer want the loan for med school. I'm going to find a way to study something (probably not medicine now) to improve mine and my baby's situation without his extremely conditional help. And that if he ever mentions my weight again I will not speak to him ever again. It ends now.

Thank you to everyone who responded kindly to the original thread.

OP posts:
kalinkafoxtrot45 · 19/08/2017 11:15

Good for you. Your freedom starts now! :)

Original poster
Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:22

Thank you, I didn't think I would. I thought I'd agree to his terms in order to get to where I need to be, but I can't live with that hanging over my head for the next seven years. It feels a bit scary but at the same time I feel a lot calmer.

OP posts:
ComingUpTrumps · 19/08/2017 11:28

Good on you OP Flowers

DancingLedge · 19/08/2017 11:29

So relieved that you've turned him down.
Best of luck, I'm sure there's a better and happier path for you.

Original poster
Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:34

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
WideHorizon · 19/08/2017 11:35

This is such a difficult one OP, your dad is going about this in a pretty cack-handed fashion, but do you not think you're cutting off your nose to spite your face a bit here?

If you took him up on his offer, in 7 years, you would be slim and a qualified doctor. Surely that is the best outcome for you

I can see why it rankles though, please don't get me wrong.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/08/2017 11:37

If you took him up on his offer, in 7 years, you would be slim and a qualified doctor. Surely that is the best outcome for you but she'd be poor as she'd need to spend all her earnings on therapy!

Well done OP!

Love51 · 19/08/2017 11:37

Well done. Good luck with whatever course you pursue.

Original poster
Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:42

WideHorizon I know, and it was what was stopping me from telling him to fuck off, but when I imagined the next 7-8 years with him continuously threatening to not continue to pay the tuition fees unless I complied with his demands regarding my body, I just felt that the stress of that plus the stress of the degree and foundation years would be too much to bear. I found out yesterday that he was gleefully showing his wife the messages he sent me about his demands about my weight and was really pleased with himself. It made me feel so sick. I have to be free of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:43

DameDiazepam I am actually going to get some therapy too!

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 19/08/2017 11:43

If you took him up on his offer, in 7 years, you would be slim and a qualified doctor. Surely that is the best outcome for you

People like op's father would only find something else to pick on if she did lose the weight. It's something op should do for herself if she wants to do it at all.

Sometimes the price is too high! Good for you for standing up for yourself!

WideHorizon · 19/08/2017 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:46

WideHorizon I'm a size 16, I'm not about to drop dead from obesity

OP posts:
Original poster
Petitefleurblanche · 19/08/2017 11:47

But thanks for continuing to make this only about my weight, you remind me of my dad

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 19/08/2017 11:47

Well done 👍

WWYD17 · 19/08/2017 11:48

Well done OP

WideHorizon · 19/08/2017 11:51

You would lead a longer and healthier life, as would your DC, if you maintained a healthy BMI though.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 19/08/2017 11:51

Good for you op! You will feel so much better when you have control of your own life.

SisterhoodisPowerful · 19/08/2017 11:51

WideHorizon - your issues with your parents are your own. Suggesting that the op remain trapped in an abusive situation with psychologically and emotionally abuser father is so lacking in self-awareness that I'm struggling to remain polite. This type of abuse destroys people. And, therapy isn't a quick fix that will magic all the psychological and physical damage caused by abuse. You're basically suggesting the op isn't worth living a live free of abuse and control. Because of your problems stemming from your relationship with your parents. Perhaps you should try therapy before telling other women they aren't worthy unless slim.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 19/08/2017 11:51

Op, good for you. Stick up for yourself now and you may save your DD from going through it too.

WideHorizon · 19/08/2017 11:52

Perhaps that's because both your dad, and I, and the whole of the medical community have a valid point?

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 19/08/2017 11:52

Well done op.

flippinada · 19/08/2017 11:53

So pleased to read your update Petitefleur and good luck tonight Flowers.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 19/08/2017 11:54

Oh and Widehorizon. Op has been going through for years, even when she was a size 8, so even if OP lost weight, doesnt mean the abuse would end.

ThymeLordIsSpartacus · 19/08/2017 11:54

Fuck off wide. This isn't the thread for it. Take your agenda elsewhere.

Take NO notice OP. You'll finally start to be free now. Go for it!