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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being made to feel disabled.

129 replies

nfin · 28/05/2017 10:48

Basic background I was driving up to four different cars a week. I moved to my dh birth country with 4 ds. My dh and I chose an automatic car together. My in law said my ds we needed an automatic as I have MS. My dh says I am over reacting to a throw away comment. I am left feeling heart broken and feel all trust has gone in 25 year marriage and afraid of future if I need assistance.

OP posts:
PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 28/05/2017 10:49

I don't understand your post I'm afraid. What is the actual problem? Do you have MS?

FauxFox · 28/05/2017 10:59

I think it means -
OP is perfectly capable of driving. She recently moved near her ILs and bought an automatic car and the IL told OPs kid that it was because OP has MS. It made her feel like they were saying she couldn't fri d a normal car because she was 'disabled'

I'd imagine she is pissed off because her ILs view her as disabled and are foisting this opinion onto the grandchildren and OP's DP has not told them to back off.

Is that it OP? I would be pissed off too!!

MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 11:02

I don't understand did your inlaws say you needed the automatic because you have Ms why has it upset you

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea · 28/05/2017 11:13

Perhaps they genuinely thought the OP needed an automatic because of her issue? And since when is it an insult to be thought of as diabled?

MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 11:16

I think the op maybe struggiling i am not sure what her post means though i dont know what is upsetting her

Original poster
nfin · 28/05/2017 11:37

I do have ms. I was driving four different cars on a weekly basis. I am upset with dh making an issue with choosing an automatic and saying it is because I have ms.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/05/2017 11:39

Is he making an issue or just stating a fact?

AfunaMbatata · 28/05/2017 11:40

Just tell them it's not because of your MS then, problem solved.

nina2b · 28/05/2017 11:40

I think it was perfectly clear what the OP was saying and implying. Why the nippy first reply?

AvoidingCallenetics · 28/05/2017 11:41

Just tell your kids that you can drive any car you want and that granny and grandpa are wrong.
I'm not really seeing what is the prpblem with saying you have ms.

MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 11:41

I didn't mean to be the nippy one i honestly didnt understand the issue

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/05/2017 11:42

I need an auto, I don't mind dh telling anyone why. An auto isn't an inferior option Wink

Is this really about something else altogether?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/05/2017 11:43

I think it was perfectly clear what the OP was saying and implying. Why the nippy first reply? It isn't clear at all.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/05/2017 11:43

I don't see the issue either. Is it that you're trying to hide your ms?

MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 11:44

Is this about the car or your perceptionof ypur illness do you not want thought of as ill/disabled?

MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 11:45

God typos sorry

LaLegue · 28/05/2017 11:46

Eh? But you do have MS. Why are you angry that your ILs commented that an automatic car was better for your MS when you admit you chose an automatic car anyway? Confused

My dh says I am over reacting to a throw away comment.

I think you should listen to your DH.

I am left feeling heart broken and feel all trust has gone in 25 year marriage and afraid of future if I need assistance.

Confused Shock Well it's a shame you feel that way, goodness knows how you'd feel if your DH actually did something that warranted it. I think a grip needs to be got, unless there is more you are not telling us.

Original poster
nfin · 28/05/2017 11:48

Nippy first reply as moved to NZ, and is 10.45pm. Maybe am over looking throw away comment from dh, but when I said a throw away comment about his current health issues he went to bed

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 11:49

My dh declared i needed a wheelchair 6 years ago i gave in and got a chair 3 years ago dh was just stating the obvious even if i wasn't ready to agree with him, is this the kind of situation you are upset about

MatildaTheCat · 28/05/2017 11:49

Your DC know you have ms and can do normal stuff anyway so they won't even have registered this remark. I think you've slightly over thought it but I understand why. I am disabled and can only drive an auto but TBH it's literally never been mentioned other than the usual discussions people have when comparing the relative merits of auto vs manual.

Good luck with the transition to a new country.

Lunde · 28/05/2017 11:51

I get totally what you mean OP - the whole thing is making you feel more disabled and disempowered by forcing claims of a necessary disability adjustment that you don't even need. Because your dh is telling everyone that you have to drive an automatic when it is not true. This in turn is leading his family to view you as more disabled than you are.

nina2b · 28/05/2017 11:52

OP:

To clarify:
The first reply was not your OP but the first person who responded.

beardymcbeardy · 28/05/2017 11:54

Did you and your dp chose an automatic on the basis of your ms? If yes, then I dont see the problem. If no, then i'd be pretty pissed off that inlaws are making baseless assumptions about your condition and dp should have corrected them.

Original poster
nfin · 28/05/2017 12:00

Lalegue My in laws didn't comment I needed an automatic, dh and I chose one. Ms medication working a treat. My in laws know I have ms, and are amazing when and where I need help ( quietly without noise) I drove four different cars a week only a few months ago, so am struggling to see where this comment we need an automatic as I have ms came From?

OP posts:
happypoobum · 28/05/2017 12:02

Sorry I am also having trouble understanding what has happened here.

In your OP I think you are saying your Inlaws told your son that you had an automatic because of your MS? But in your post at 11.37.45 you say it was your husband who said this. Which was it?

I drive an automatic due to hypermobility. I am disabled. I know quite a few people with MS and they would all describe themselves as having a disability.

I am left feeling heart broken and feel all trust has gone in 25 year marriage and afraid of future if I need assistance. This seems like a HUGE over reaction to me unless there is a far more detailed back story. Did you want to move to NZ?