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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge my step sister

130 replies

celeryeater · 26/04/2017 09:31

For smoking in her pregnancy? She is 12 weeks pregnant and at a family do yesterday was still blatantly lighting up in front of everyone! I was Shock I admit I've never smoked so can't understand how bad the addiction is but surely you would try and switch at least some of your smokes to a vaporiser? I know vaping is not exactly healthy but has to be better than smoking. Surely the moment you find out you're pregnant you do everything you possibly can to give that child the best chance?

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 09:32

Meh. Not your business, is it? Her body, her choice.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:33

Not sure what you'll get out of this thread really, since everyone knows smoking during pregnancy is bad.

Her body has become public property now, so she'll have to get used to being judged on everything that passes her lips.

Pinkheart5915 · 26/04/2017 09:34

Well it's not great for the baby, I mean the poor baby isn't choosing to smoke. Yes I'd probably judge too to be honest I don't think there is anything meh about smoking while pregnant.
Yes people will come on and say her body her choice but if she's ready to be a mother surely the baby should come first, what's more important smoking your cigarette or your child health.....

Original poster
celeryeater · 26/04/2017 09:35

It's not just her body now though is it. If you saw someone in public blowing smoke in a newborns face wouldn't you raise an eyebrow

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/04/2017 09:38

if you are going to have the odd puff during pregnancy, at least do it in secret!

I don't know, its not optimal and many Mums smoked during their PG during the 60s and 70s, and we seem to be OK

but its a bad bad low class look TBH

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:38

Again though, how is inviting everyone else on the internet to join in with judging your step sister, helping anything?

Perhaps you could send her some links to vape things, or try buying her one to start with?

That might be helpful.

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 09:40

It's not just her body now though is it. If you saw someone in public blowing smoke in a newborns face wouldn't you raise an eyebrow

Everyone will judge her, yo already know that. But yes, it is still her body and her choice, and she can do as she pleases, however bad it may be. You know that.

CaraSl · 26/04/2017 09:41

I don't think I could stand by and watch someone I know well do that. It's not "meh" her child could be born with complications and morally it's so off centre. If you see her again could you take her to one side and find out how often she's doing it and ask if she's asked anyone for help to try and kick the habit during her pregnancy? Maybe you could help her find a support group or something?

Maudlinmaud · 26/04/2017 09:43

Her midwife can help her to stop during pregnancy. Maybe bring the subject up and see if she is aware of this.

TheStoatIsStoatallyDifferent · 26/04/2017 09:45

I'd judge her if I was you.

TheStoatIsStoatallyDifferent · 26/04/2017 09:45

So YANBU

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 09:45

I don't think I could stand by and watch someone I know well do that

What are you going to do. wrestle it out of her hand every time she lights up? Lock her in a room?
Of course its her choice. She can make all the bad choices she likes.

PeaFaceMcgee · 26/04/2017 09:45

It's not just her body now though is it

Legally, yes it is. Her baby has no rights.

PerpendicularVincent · 26/04/2017 09:46

YANBU, as it could cause health implications to her child it's completely wrong. Nothing 'meh' about it

nosyupnorth · 26/04/2017 09:47

surely you would try and switch at least some of your smokes to a vaporiser?

are you with her 24/7 to know that she hasn't switched some of her smoking to vaping or e-cigs?

Look, everyone knows smoking is bad and especially during pregnancy, but going on the internet to make Shock faces with people because you saw her have a single cigarette isn't going to help anything.

Quitting is hard and for some people it's a serious addiction. Consider the fact that she might well be cutting down or gradually weaning herself off the addiction instead of quitting cold turkey and probably relapsing fast.

It's obviously not ideal, and YANBU be tempted to judge when it comes to something like this but YABU to assume you know everything about her situation. Maybe try talking to her about it instead of making judgy internet posts.

Original poster
celeryeater · 26/04/2017 09:50

I'm assuming she has told her midwife and hopefully is getting help from her doctor, I can't imagine she would lie about that.. But then I wouldn't have thought she would smoke when pregnant. If I see her alone I would be tempted to say something but we aren't majorly close so it could be awkward. I guess I just wanted to start the thread to get it off my chest because I hate social situations where you can't say what is on your mind and you have to seriously bite your tongue. No one else seemed to say anything or react as strongly as I feel about it, so was checking my judgment isn't off. Lots of people seem to think it's her body her business though so maybe IABU!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 09:51

Righto

But are you going to try to help her, or just sit around the internet putting the boot in?

Chloe84 · 26/04/2017 09:52

I do find it strange that the title of the OP isn't 'I'm concerned about my step-sisters baby'. It does make it seem as if you are just interested in judging her, although that's probably not true?

DonutCone · 26/04/2017 09:53

You can abort a perfectly healthy baby at 24 weeks.

So therefore the foetus doesn't actually have any rights until then. It's her body so she can do what she wants. Maybe she doesn't plan on having th baby?

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 09:53

It doesn't have any after that either.

Original poster
celeryeater · 26/04/2017 09:55

In a day I saw her have at least 4, no vaping, and I wasn't even with her all day. Maybe she is trying to cut down though you're right. Although it's my opinion you shouldn't be trying to get pregnant if you haven't given up smoking yet.

OP posts:
pringlecat · 26/04/2017 09:55

I imagine stopping smoking overnight is difficult. If the baby wasn't planned, perhaps she plans to stop smoking but isn't quite there yet?

DonutCone · 26/04/2017 09:56

Well you can't abort it after then, so it clearly does have the right not to be aborted.

But whilst it's still in her body, she can do, with her own body, anything she wants.

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 09:57

No, that means the woman no longer has the right to a termination, no rights transfer to the foetus at any time. Only born humans have any rights.

Original poster
celeryeater · 26/04/2017 09:57

What can I do though as has already been said? Ultimately it's her choice, I'm sure she knows it's bad for the baby and I can't exactly follow her around and wrestle each one away from her.

OP posts:
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