To judge my step sister

[celeryeater]

For smoking in her pregnancy? She is 12 weeks pregnant and at a family do yesterday was still blatantly lighting up in front of everyone! I was I admit I've never smoked so can't understand how bad the addiction is but surely you would try and switch at least some of your smokes to a vaporiser? I know vaping is not exactly healthy but has to be better than smoking. Surely the moment you find out you're pregnant you do everything you possibly can to give that child the best chance?

In my experience, people who smoke are in total denial about just how unhealthy it is. Oh they will say that they know it can cause cancer/lung diease/wrinkles/problems to unborn babies/problems to children if they smoke near them, but they don't really feel it is bad for them. Or they'd make an effort to stop.

Deep down, they don't think it's really all that bad for them.

It follows that advice about it being bad for an unborn child will equally not be considered all that important - she's got to be the sort of person who mentally minimises the risk or else she'd not be a smoker in the first place.

You could offer to get her an e-cig. But otherwise I wouldn't offer help, if she wanted to stop she would.

I'd be disgusted and say something. Selfish bitch.

I'd be disgusted and say something. Selfish bitch

Like what? Would that make you feel all lovely and superior?

Someone else from her family also smoked a cigarette near my one year old yesterday and that made me a bit fidgeting - ended up moving her away. So I think you are right that they don't see the risk as that bad and are probably minimising it. Or maybe I am just OTT!

If you must say anything (and I'd strongly advise against it), do it in person - a breezy "so what's the plan with the cigs then?"

May do this if I really feel like I'm going to burst next time I see her.

I absolutely judge pregnant women who smoke. It's totally gross. However it's best to just keep the judgement to yourself. They know the risks and they've decided smoking is worth the risk to their child's health. That's on them.

You can't say anything. It won't help in any way unfortunately and it will probably make her feel worse.

I don't think questioning her (whether you're about to burst or not) is going to help.

I imagine she already knows you're judging her, so it will probably just get her back up.

If she was obese, would you ask her 'What's the plan with the weight loss?' because you were fit to burst?

In fact, would you have started this thread?

I mean given that most obese women know the increased risks to the baby and themselves?

It is wrong. No amount of "meh" comments from people who probably smoked during pregnancy themselves, would convince me otherwise. You are quite right to judge her. It is a moronic thing to do to your baby.

i really would judge and have a quiet word. Locally a woman smoked through out her pregnancy, complained that she wasn't allowed to smoke after being admitted for an induction and yet was really surprised when her full term baby was tiny, looked prem and even now is smaller than his cousin who is 9 months younger! She still talks in amazement about how tiny he is, I am itching to say something.

Do you feel the same way about women eating a lot of sugar during their pregnancy? Not fully cooked eggs? What about fruit juice?

Coffee? Glass of wine?

Many pregnant women do these things.

Is smoking good for the LO? No. And yes, I do think it would be preferable for her to at least try to decrease it. But if you do judge her for smoking you should also judge a pregnant woman for eating a really sugary donut/sweet starbucks concoction. Do you?

I absolutely judge pregnant women who smoke. It's totally gross. However it's best to just keep the judgement to yourself. They know the risks and they've decided smoking is worth the risk to their child's health. That's on them.

Pretty much my view.

Coffee? Glass of wine?

Many pregnant women do these things.

While it's hard to measure and compare, I suspect smoking is on balance a lot worse for a foetus than alcohol.

I think smoking is way worse than eating sugar in pregnancy, although I'm not a doctor! Everything carries different levels of risk but I think it's pretty well established that smoking in pregnancy is very detrimental to the fetus.

Do you drive a diesel car OP? If so I judge you for putting the health of everyone at risk of lung disease.

You are obviously perfect. Life must be so complicated for you amongst other imperfect people. I feel sorry for you

Actually Gloria - alcohol is worse.

I would inwardly judge the smoking though...

When I was pregnant I ate unpasteurised soft cheese, ate shellfish, runny egg yolks, and had port at Christmas at 4 months pregnant. Judge away.

Do you feel the same way about women eating a lot of sugar during their pregnancy? Not fully cooked eggs? What about fruit juice?Coffee? Glass of wine?Many pregnant women do these things

There is no good reason why they shouldn't do any of those things. Why would anyone judge?

Actually Gloria - alcohol is worse.

In what sense?

Nothing to do with you, butt out.

She is trying, give her a break. Some people would be more stressed trying to give up completely than having a few ciggs, stress is also bad for the pregnant mum and the baby.

She is a pregnant woman in charge of her own body not public property.

Gloria

I was told that passive smoking wouldn't be as bad as drinking alcohol (I drank no alcohol and did my best to prevent passive smoking. But I wasn't thaat crazy about the whole passive smoking think as I initially thought I should be).

Our midwife really stressed the danger of overeating and sugar during pregnancy (not sure why, seeing that's not an issue I happen to have... But apparently many pregnant women seem to think that eating sugary food is "ok"/not unhealthy for the LO)?

I mean, maybe the stepsister would judge the OP for having a glass of beer or sugar food. Whereas the OP may not think twice about sugary food but does judge the sister for smoking...

I smoked through both my pregnancies back in the day when there was smoking allowed in the sitting room of the maternity hospital.
I was raised in a cloud of cig smoke by a mother who smoked when carrying me.
Both my children (20's and 30's now) are fine, healthy productive adults.
None of us smoke now.
Leave her alone - she knows the risks.
Piling on pressure will only make her reach for a cig even more.

"" it's pretty well established that smoking in pregnancy is very detrimental to the fetus.""

So are lots of things that on other threads posters come across as proud of doing them.

Such as eating foods with uncooked eggs is, Pate, Rare Steak etc, all do cause an amount of babies to die in utreo, every year, through poisoning.

There's many that seem proud that they climb ladders etc at full term, again a fall can mean a death.

My DD hasn't been able to fully stop,because of her anxiety. Going onto anti-anxiety drugs may do far more damage. Her pregnancy was accidental and it seems ridiculous to end the life of a potential baby, because you do something that may damage it's health.

I was a CP SW I saw heroin and crack addicts amazingly give birth to physically healthy babies.

Like it or not BF is best,but this forum, as is right, supports what is best for Mum.

I would think less of someone who didn't give a shit about their newborn, but people aren't that simple.

Just like staying in an abusive relationship, when pregnant/with children, is because of complex reasons.

I was under the impression quitting cold turkey when pregnant if you smoke more than 20 a day could have risks associated. I think it's one of those things that there is evidence to support but that no-one's quite sure about (like whether or not it's all that risks to have the odd glass of wine in the third trimester maybe), but maybe she doesn't want to take the risk and is actually following the best advice of her midwife?

Probably not, but whatever.