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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge my step sister

130 replies

celeryeater · 26/04/2017 09:31

For smoking in her pregnancy? She is 12 weeks pregnant and at a family do yesterday was still blatantly lighting up in front of everyone! I was Shock I admit I've never smoked so can't understand how bad the addiction is but surely you would try and switch at least some of your smokes to a vaporiser? I know vaping is not exactly healthy but has to be better than smoking. Surely the moment you find out you're pregnant you do everything you possibly can to give that child the best chance?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/04/2017 12:12

One thing guaranteed to make someone dig their heels in is someone telling them they shouldn't be doing something.

Fair enough if she didn't know but she obviously does.

You can't force her to give up and like everything else to do with her pregnancy it's her choice

(Oh and dont buy her a vape kit - you don't know whether she wants to do it, let along what variety she would use)

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 12:36

It's apparently 200 mg per day (the safe amount of caffeine during pregnancy)

You're wrong from your starting point. Entirely so.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 26/04/2017 12:41

This thread is full of people who are proving my earlier point - lots of "Yes smoking is harmful, but so is X, and lots of people do X, so it's ok for me to smoke" and "I/someone I care about smoked through pregnancy and the baby is now the biggest in their class and never had a day off school sick" type posts.

People who smoke don't really beleive it's bad for health. Not really - it's like eating a chocolate bar or not having 8 hours sleep. It's not ideal for health, but in the grand scheme of things, "not that unhealthy".

It's minimising the level of danger. It's hardly surprising the people who have been minimising the damage to their own health are of course going to also minimise the damage to their child's health.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 12:42

user

Thank you for that most helpful comment.

How am I wrong? (Personal interest. How much coffee can I guzzle?)

TiredMumToTwo · 26/04/2017 12:46

Don't judge unless you've walked a mile in her shoes. In my first pregnancy I did everything "right", quit smoking, drinking etc. In my second pregnancy for reasons only known to me I quit & then started smoking again at about 4 months in. I was going through a really hard time and hated myself for it - just get on with focusing on your own life.

WorraLiberty · 26/04/2017 12:54

InvisibleKittenAttack but how could you possibly know who smokes and who doesn't on this thread?

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 12:59

There is no evidence. All studies done have conflicted with each other, 200 mg is a completely arbitrary amount set out because no-one has a clue what may or may not be safe. There is no clear evidence of harm at normal levels.

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 13:01

"Yes smoking is harmful, but so is X, and lots of people do X, so it's ok for me to smoke

I think you've misunderstood. It's actually "smoking is harmful, but so is X (I think, whether or not it actually is), and lots of people do X so its my choice to do as I like no matter what the risk is which is lower than a lot of people think anyway"

People who smoke don't really beleive it's bad for health

Nonsense. Everyone who smokes knows its bad for their health. Everyone. They just don't care enough about it to stop.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 13:03

Invisible

Btw, I'm one of the people saying but so is X, and lots of people do X

And yet I don't smoked and have never been a smoker (I've tried it a few times when I was a teen, but that's it.)

Not really - it's like eating a chocolate bar or not having 8 hours sleep. It's not ideal for health, but in the grand scheme of things, "not that unhealthy".

Well, in the grand scheme of thing smoking a cigarette isn't that unhealthy. Just like eating a chocolate bar isn't. But being a smoker or being obese? Yes, both things are really unhealthy.

Anyhow, I'm off to google how much caffeine I can consume. Seeing as my infortmation is apparently incorrect/outdate and I love coffe...

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 13:04

evidence of harm at normal levels.

May I ask what a normal level is? My mother is Italian. I suspect that what I see as a normal level may not be to other people...

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/04/2017 13:30

Often, midwives don't advise mums to go cold turkey, due to the stress this can cause. We know increased stress hormones are bad for developing babies too.

^ That's utter shite! Often gets trotted out by people who want to carry on smoking, but I have NEVER found a medical professional who would endorse this. Stress hormones are a lot less harmful than the many toxic chemicals found in cigarettes.

OP, I would massively judge her too, but wouldn't say anything as there's nothing you can do and at the end of the day it's her choice - everyone knows the risks these days.

As for people saying that 'other things are just as bad' - actually, there is zero evidence that the occasional glass of wine, bar of chocolate or intake of caffeine will harm a foetus. The fact is that people who smoke rarely have just the occasional fag, they smoke every day.

user1493022461 · 26/04/2017 13:30

I wouldn't google it, you'll just get endless american sites telling you caffiene is deadly without a scrap of evidence to back it up.

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 13:47

user well, maybe I'll just stop feeling guilty about my morning coffee and afternoon tea.

Or have an afternoon coffee as well... ;)

(but I think I'll have to google it. Seeing as my midwife is also really cautious about caffeine...)

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 26/04/2017 14:53

Feedtheshark the NHS and other reputable sources (including American ones!) recommend no more than 200mg of caffeine per day. For context:

1 shot of espresso = 90mg
Mug of instant coffee = 100mg
Mug of brewed coffee = 180mg
Cup of tea = 40mg
Can of Diet Coke = 45mg

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 14:58

AHedge

Yup, that's what I've also thought (and usually stuck to up to now. Although I have honestly struggled with it on occasion.).

(Espresso for breakfast and a big cup of tea in the afternoon. Sometimes also an espresso later in the afternoon if I work late...)

PollytheDolly · 26/04/2017 15:10

It is her body. It's her baby.

Each to their own I guess.

When my SD was pregnant we were outside a large retail store and she lit up. I didn't know she was still smoking.

I didn't say a word but I did walk off as I didn't want to endorse that. Think she knew how I felt then. She didn't stop though. My feeling/opinion was irrelevant. You can't make them stop.

kali110 · 26/04/2017 15:22

That's odd as the nhs also states 200mg of caffeine Hmm
None of my friends were told they needed to stop drinking it either Confused

SpreadYourHappiness · 26/04/2017 15:26

It's fucking disgusting behaviour, and if you're happy to poison your baby then perhaps you should think twice about being a parent.

kali110 · 26/04/2017 15:28

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite maybe they are all wrong Hmm

I wouldn't judge op, she won't thankyou for it. You won't come off the good guy.
Do you not think she's already had this talk with her midwife and doctor?
It's none of your business.
Think it's better she cuts down than stresses herself out.
Although it's my opinion you shouldn't be trying to get pregnant if you haven't given up smoking yet.

Oh because every single pregnany is planned? Hmm

InvisibleKittenAttack but how could you possibly know who smokes and who doesn't on this thread?
I would also like to know this?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/04/2017 15:28

You can't tell her not to smoke. It may be disgusting and bad for the baby but she will be aware of that and she is clearly prepared to take the risk.

WitchesGlove · 26/04/2017 15:29

Did she plan the pregnancy?

WitchesGlove · 26/04/2017 15:31

Does she care about the financial aspect?

What are her circumstances like money-wise?

Persuade her to have other expensive treats with the money she will save (nails done etc)?

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite · 26/04/2017 15:37

FeedTheSharkAndItWIllBite maybe they are all wrong

Huh? I wouldn't think so...

Iflyaway · 26/04/2017 15:55

but its a bad bad low class look TBH

Shock
Original poster
celeryeater · 26/04/2017 15:57

She was planning the pregnancy in that she had purposely stopped her contraception and had unprotected sex but I don't think she was planning to get pregnant quite so soon. So in this case I don't think she should have knowingly had unprotected sex without giving up first.

OP posts: