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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Choosing my own engagement ring pre proposal

144 replies

HulabaloJ · 06/04/2017 18:29

So DP and I have been together 2.5 years and been speaking about hopefully trying to start for a baby within the next 2 years. I have told him I would like to be married before we start a family, to which he agreed the same. This lead to a discussion about engagement rings and I have decided that I would like to choose the ring myself and purchase it with him, leaving him to propose at a suitable time in the future. DP seemed a bit surprised and said he thought engagements should always be a huge surprise but personally I would rather pick the perfect ring myself (as I'm very fussy) but let the actual proposal be a surprise.

DP said whatever I'm happy with, he's happy with... but am I being U here? I've spoken to a couple of friends who think I'm mad! New to all this engagement malarkey!

OP posts:
Monkeychopsticks · 06/04/2017 18:31

I chose two rings and ask DH to choose fone me. He did, it was beautiful, and he proposed when I least expected it. I got a ring I lived but he still felt he'd chosen it. Been married 14 years this month x

Allthebestnamesareused · 06/04/2017 18:32

If you want to chose and have already decided then there isn't an actual "proposal" you go together buy the ring and you are engaaged.

If you want the "surprise" thing (well lets face it you aren't going to be surprised now are you?) then some jewellers will provide a "fake" ring and then you chose.

Monkeychopsticks · 06/04/2017 18:32

for me loved. Bloody predictive text!

TheProblemOfSusan · 06/04/2017 18:33

Nope, do it how you like! You could always ask him to propose without a ring or with a daft thing from Claire's or something. It's up to you not your friends or romantic ideals.

Missrubyring · 06/04/2017 18:33

That's what we did, agreed to get engaged, we chose a ring together and then left him the how, when and where on when he would propose, it was still really special and a surprise and I loved it. The ring size was also accurate due to being measured Wink
But tbh I think it depends on what works for the couple.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/04/2017 18:34

If you're choosing the ring together, isn't the whole idea of a proposal a bit redundant? Surely by the act of choosing the ring, you've agreed to get married - what, therefore, is he going to ask you when he proposes?!?

Justanothernameonthepage · 06/04/2017 18:34

Sounds great to me
(DH proposed with a temporary ring and we picked the engagement ring together). I would find it weird if we'd talked about it and agreed to get married but he then went and did the surprise proposal thing.

ZaraW · 06/04/2017 18:34

As long as you agree a budget before you go ring shopping I can't see a problem it's much better to get something you love.

Rogue1234 · 06/04/2017 18:35

I don't think its wierd at all! We're both women so slightly different but we discussed getting engaged, went shopping together to pick our rings and then DP "surprised" me with a proposal a few weeks later.
Good job we did as we both picked rings for ourselves that the other would never have chosen!

booloobalooloo · 06/04/2017 18:35

I chose my ring. Unless you are sure you know your partner's taste it's risky. Most people I know did it that way tho in one case the guy proposed with a cheap ' temporary' ring and then got the ' proper' one with his fiancee. X

FrenchLavender · 06/04/2017 18:36

Why is it essential to have a ring at the time of proposal? Realistically that only works if the proposer has chosen it in secret beforehand. Otherwise it's all a bit of contrived nonsense, isn't it?

I understand you want to choose your own ring, I would too. but just let him propose when he's ready, without the ring then go shopping afterwards.

Although if you've already had a discussion that led to the conclusion that you'd get married then I don't really see the point of a proposal at all. Confused

booloobalooloo · 06/04/2017 18:37

My husband then proposed later btw.

Mumtobe12 · 06/04/2017 18:37

I went pre ring shopping with him showing him styles I liked then left him to it (took him almost 6 months but ring was perfect) Smile

Frogonalog16 · 06/04/2017 18:37

I chose my ring but then left it to OH when he wanted to get it and propose

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 06/04/2017 18:38

Kinda sounds like the wedding has already been proposed...? What's the point of proposing it a second time?

coxsorangepippin · 06/04/2017 18:38

I chose my ring afterwards. It was much cheaper than my DH would have chosen Grin

JorahsMissus · 06/04/2017 18:39

I chose mine, glad I did because DP's taste is very different to mine it seems. Now I have a ring I love and no regrets about the lack of surprise in it all.

WateryTart · 06/04/2017 18:40

DH proposed and then we chose the ring together.

You've already agreed to get married and have children so why do you want a proposal as well, it's hardly going to be a surprise?

PragmaticWench · 06/04/2017 18:40

DH proposed out of the blue with a fake ring, then we went to choose a real ring the following weekend. Personally I would have been disappointed with a 'you must now surprise me with a pre-planned proposal, it takes the joy out of it!

CMOTDibbler · 06/04/2017 18:40

DH proposed to me, then we chose a ring together. We didn't tell anyone about it, and it was a really special time looking at them together in secret.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 06/04/2017 18:41

You're engaged. The "proposal" is a farce. By all means choose a ring you like and want to wear.

SlB09 · 06/04/2017 18:41

I gave a very detailed idea of what I wanted and had pointed out rings - he then got one specially designed and made for me with all these elements and it is so special because there was so much thought into it even though id been adamant I wanted to pick it!

TooManyTrolls · 06/04/2017 18:41

YANBU It's up to your DP and you to do whatever you like.

wavinghello · 06/04/2017 18:42

DH & I visited the Jewellery Quarter together. We went into the Back office where the jewellery designer literally poured out stones on the table for us to view. I thought that I wanted a ruby but a sapphire looked more attractive against my skin tone. Then, I had to choose which type of sapphire, the cut, the design, the size of the diamonds on either side of it, etc.. Having such a collaborative consultation and a custom design meant it was an easy sell for them. We saved approximately 30% off high street prices for a similar spec but received fantastic customer service and a bespoke ring! We were so impressed that we returned a year later for our wedding bands to be made there. (They had a workshop on the same premises). i would wholly recommend designing your ring/s together.

magicstar1 · 06/04/2017 18:42

DH proposed with a Claddafh ring, then we picked out my engagement ring together. He knows I have weird taste and couldn't predict what I would pick.