Choosing my own engagement ring pre proposal

[HulabaloJ]

So DP and I have been together 2.5 years and been speaking about hopefully trying to start for a baby within the next 2 years. I have told him I would like to be married before we start a family, to which he agreed the same. This lead to a discussion about engagement rings and I have decided that I would like to choose the ring myself and purchase it with him, leaving him to propose at a suitable time in the future. DP seemed a bit surprised and said he thought engagements should always be a huge surprise but personally I would rather pick the perfect ring myself (as I'm very fussy) but let the actual proposal be a surprise.

DP said whatever I'm happy with, he's happy with... but am I being U here? I've spoken to a couple of friends who think I'm mad! New to all this engagement malarkey!

My now DH proposed to me totally out of the blue but didn't have a ring because he wanted me to go with him to choose it together which totally suited me because I ended up with the ring of my dreams which I may or may not have got otherwise, do whatever suits you as a couple!

My husband proposed with a haribo ring and we chose the ring together. I didn't want a diamond. I always wanted an aquamarine for my engagement ring stone so we chose a rough aquamarine and the band is a mix of yellow, white and rose gold. I am half Russian so a nod to the traditional Russian wedding band. It's beautiful and simple and I love it. So I don't think YABU at all. Better than a ring that you hate. Congratulations!

I got engaged a couple of days ago. DP picked the ring on his own and it's beautiful! I would never have picked it and I adore it.

I had shown him rings I liked in the past and we agreed on certain things i.e. not too high etc. The one he proposed with is different to any we'd seen. It's perfect.

I love that I love his choice for me.

I think you've already proposed marriage to him, so a proposal from him seems rather redundant.

I've always thought the whole man proposing thing with a pre-chosen engagement ring rather old fashioned. Fine for the 1800s, but a bit unnecessary now surely!

Congratulations though. Nice to see people getting married.

Of course a woman should chose her ring (in conjunction with her fiance). Can't imagine it any other way.

In our case DH proposed and (once I'd got round to saying yes a week later), we went shopping and chose a mutually acceptable ring.

I found a gorgeous antique ring at a local auctioneers and sent him the link to it not expecting him to get it. He went and bought it although we were not engaged at that time (might as well have been though.) 10 excruciating months later he produced it!

Why do you have to have the ring first? My DH proposed on a Saturday, it was a surprise. We went to Brighton on the Wednesday and chose a ring together. I don't understand the thing with the fake ring, you're engaged if you have agreed to get married to someone, even if you have a naked finger

Why do some people think it's old fashioned or sexist to be proposed to by your DH to be? It's like sucking the air out of the best parts of life. As someone said earlier, the OP wants s proposal because she just does. I don't really see why anyone should object to that.

grobags if a couple agree to get married and choose a ring together then any proposal isn't a matter of power, it is a romantic gesture.

There seems to be a lot of unnecessary pissing on chips on this thread
Yes ^^ this.
Does it matter why people do it this way? Does it matter that you did it another way? Is there a right and wrong way to do it? If there is, who gets to decide for all couples?
There are far too many women on this thread telling other women what they should and shouldn't do.

DH and I had talked about our future together and wanted same thing (marriage, house, children). We said we were happy as we were and that would all come at some point. We'd been together 6 months and one night he blurted out 'marry me' I said yes but we kept it to ourselves as we'd only been together 6 months, I was 18 and at uni and we thought people would judge us. We went shopping together for rings. It was important to me I had a sapphire ring (my birthstone) it was important to him that I had a ring I loved as it would be on my finger for rest of my life. I chose a lovely sapphire and diamond ring, he chose a gold signet type ring with a couple diamonds. My ring had to be ordered and took 6 weeks to come in. I left it to him to decide when to "officially" propose. It was a complete (and lovely) surprise when he got down on one knee 3 months later and asked me to marry him with a ring in his hand. We will have been married 12 years in June.

Do what is right for you. What we did some people might think is wrong or silly but it worked for us (I get the odd comment about the fact I was married at 21; 'you were so young' etc).

I chose my own ring. I knew Dh would go overboard and think the more he spent the better it would be. Totally wrong, if he spent too much money I would have been too scared to wear it. Also, when I tried rings on, the design I had told him I really wanted, i just didn't like and went for something totally different.
I don't think YABU, if your going to be wearing something, you need to like it. If I hadn't chosen mine and he had gone for an expensive ring/the design I originally thought I wanted I wouldn't have loved it as much.

I think people are confused by the proposal thing because it is in essence a question - will you marry me? - to which the person asking already knows the answer (if indeed the couple have previously discussed marriage).

It just seems a bit 'fake' for want of a better word, to have a pre-arranged question being asked as a pseudo-surprise. But I guess it is no more odd than a lot of the other marriage traditions of being 'given away' and spending the night before your wedding apart etc. It's all a bit daft when you think about it too much!

The alternative is as FluffyCloud describes above, an actual surprise which is even worse!

I don't get why people can't just discuss it the same way we discuss buying a house or having kids etc.

I can't imagine deciding unilaterally that I think it's time to move in together, putting down £1k deposit and then surprising my partner with the question "will you move in with me?!"

Or even weirder, discussing it between us, agreeing it's a good idea and then making him wait for a few months until I think it's a good time to get down on one knee and present him with a door key.

Sure I if you have already discussed marriage and agreed between the 2 of you that you are going to get married, you are already 'engaged' and any 'proposal' will unaffected be meaningless?

Oops, stupid autocorrect- that was meant to say 'in effect be meaningless'

And 'surely' at the beginning of my post LOL. My fingers must be too fat for my iPad keyboard!

It's exactly what I did, I chose a ring that DH would never have picked for me and I adore it, it really surprised him (I usually prefer simple things, especially jewellery, but I chose something a bit more interesting). We bought it in the September and he proposed in the February.

If you're the one wearing it then having a choice is important imo. Though I understand that some people feel differently.

Congratulations in advance ;)

roy I felt the same but the act of actually proposing was important to DH. I enjoyed it too actually so I don't regret doing it "properly" despite already being engaged in my mind!

My bil is a jeweller so we designed and had the ring made before dh "proposed". Probably sounds odd to most people but worked for us

We did exactly the same as you're suggesting. We went together to chose the ring. I selected a couple I liked. He picked from those (luckily we agreed) and then he proposed on my birthday on a beach in Hawaii. I'm pretty sure I actually paid for the ring myself, too. You do whatever works for you guys. Congratulations!!