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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you cannot call me a liar when your son is on video stealing!!!

138 replies

LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 10:08

I posted this thread a week back www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2873017-My-stepson-is-stealing-from-me

One solution was that we put cameras up and we did, we never told dss about them and tried to conceal them as much as possible.

In my room I left my handbag, cctv shoes dss walk into our room, go through my bag, pull out my purse and take £50 out.

So we sent the footage not only to dss Mum but to the police. He was arrested and given a caution by the police.

I'm so glad that I've finally been proven right after being called a liar and being accused of making it up as a conspiracy against dss.

It has caused a lot of grief going to the police for dh from ex but hopefully it is worth it for dss to finally have some discipline.

Thank you mumsnet.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/03/2017 10:09

I'm glad he's been caught.

Who is calling you a liar despite the video evidence?

Your stepson or his mum?

redexpat · 15/03/2017 10:12

Great update!

amusedbush · 15/03/2017 10:13

I'm sorry it came to that but I'm glad he's been caught. I read your last thread and was horrified by both his behaviour and his mother's.

Doyouwantabrew · 15/03/2017 10:14

Glad he's been caught but what a dreadful situation. Can the adults here overcome their differences and act together to sort him out?

Who is calling you a liar?

Original poster
LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 10:15

His mum said I'm a liar and that I must asked him to get the money out of the purse.

OP posts:
MrFMercury · 15/03/2017 10:16

Well done you. Hopefully it will be the shock he needs to sort his behaviour out.

xStefx · 15/03/2017 10:17

Im sorry it came to that OP. I hope that your DSS , his father and you can work this out. Im glad its only a caution, would hate to think of that staying on his record but at least he knows there are consequences for his actions. Like I said, I do hope you can all get past this though without the relationship being damaged too much.

Original poster
LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 10:19

I also believe that dss needs to pay back the £300 + he stole from me and my dc.

OP posts:
MrsTwix · 15/03/2017 10:20

His mum loves him and is deluded sadly. Try not to take it personally that she'd call you a liar, it's because she can't take the truth.

Hope that the police involvement is the tough love that he needs to stop his crappy behaviour.

LurkingHusband · 15/03/2017 10:27

I recall the thread at the time, and a few posters suggesting that there was no evidence under the son that would convince the mother ...

Batshit knows no bounds ...

WateryTart · 15/03/2017 10:31

Well done, OP.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 15/03/2017 10:31

Well done.

Maybe having a thieving twat for a ds is acceptable to her. .
Glad you have taken stock of your own home!!

LuxCoDespondent · 15/03/2017 10:38

Well done for taking the CCTV advice. It's a lot harder for people to argue against video evidence - although some people will choose to believe anything rather than accept their child is a thief.

MusicToMyEars800 · 15/03/2017 10:47

his mum sounds deluded, she needs to accept the fact that her son is a thief! good for you OP, good to see you've taken the action needed to put a stop to it.

EssentialHummus · 15/03/2017 10:51

I remember your other thread. His mum won't admit he stole even with the most undeniable of evidence, so stop having that battle - you know he steals, the police have verified. Hopefully the caution will have shocked him, but I'd keep money, cards etc in a little safe or locked room going forward. Flowers

Original poster
LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 11:29

How would any of you suggest I get back the £300 he has stolen?

She is deluded I knew that already. She is now using guilt tactics against dh how could you get your son arrested, dss doesn't ever want to speak to you again. He has his real dad (her partner) dh is just a sperm doner), threatening to sue us (what for????), she has said to dh that she told dss that his dad doesn't love him. He isn't going on our holiday despite us booking it and paying. She has said I'm an 'hag' and that I'm jealous of her and her son. Dss is supposed to be coming round later as part of the agreement with her we get him from Wednesday afternoon to Sunday morning and then Sunday to Wednesday but I'm not sure he will be coming I'll let you know.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 15/03/2017 11:36

She can say what she likes OP, the truth is the truth.

If he gets pocket money from you, I'd dock it for the £300, or sell any xbox or similar he has.

Original poster
LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 11:39

He does have xbox,iPad,laptop,iPhone but it all kept at his mums house. The things he brought with the money are at his mums house as well.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 15/03/2017 11:44

I think you need to write off the money, at least until the relationship is back on a better footing.
Well done for taking action though. What were the police's thoughts on the situation?

Original poster
LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 11:48

The police said that since it was his first offence they would not charge him but they believed he did steal and said hopefully being arrested would change his behaviour.

OP posts:
Klaphat · 15/03/2017 11:51

He does have xbox,iPad,laptop,iPhone but it all kept at his mums house. The things he brought with the money are at his mums house as well.

I don't know how old he is but you can't sell his stuff to get money back. If you'd bought him an expensive item yourselves you'd possibly get away with taking that back and selling it if he was quite young, but otherwise I wouldn't.

WateryTart · 15/03/2017 11:53

I don't think it will change his behaviour, OP, I'm afraid he'll just be craftier about it, especially with his dreadful mother's attitude. I'd be hoping he didn't want to come round any more. Lock everything away if he does.

xStefx · 15/03/2017 11:56

Its not a nice situation OP, and I think you were right to nip it in the bud and get the police to give him a caution! but maybe it would be best to leave it now. The police have been called and he has been told. Perusing it will only do permanent damage. Kids mess up, some worse than others and with his mum poisoning his mind and telling him that his dad doesn't love him now I imagine a lot of damage has been done. He knows there are cameras in the house now and that you will call the police. Perhaps now he deserves another chance and the parent thing to do would be to forgive (not forget) but forgive.

QueenofallIsee · 15/03/2017 11:57

I think you have to write off the £300, the lesson he has been taught is more valuable than that (I hope). I HATE the expression 'sperm donor' in this context by the way.

Parents don't have the luxury of doing the easy thing, we are trying to raise responsible, honest, mature adults. Doing that sometimes means tough love.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 15/03/2017 12:00

Sometime tough love is what needed. .

My ds wwnt through a terrible stage at 13. His df gave him free reign to smoke /drink /take drugs /expelled from school etc. I told him he wasn't welcome at my house - (shared residency) younger siblings etc not wanted them around him tbh.

A year and a half later he is a different ds. Lives full time with us and nc with df. .
He is totally ashamed at the old him. .
Maybe it's time to do the same. When he is batting between two homes it really can get to the point I was at when one parent has no boundaries or low expectations of their dc.

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