Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you cannot call me a liar when your son is on video stealing!!!

138 replies

LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 10:08

I posted this thread a week back www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2873017-My-stepson-is-stealing-from-me

One solution was that we put cameras up and we did, we never told dss about them and tried to conceal them as much as possible.

In my room I left my handbag, cctv shoes dss walk into our room, go through my bag, pull out my purse and take £50 out.

So we sent the footage not only to dss Mum but to the police. He was arrested and given a caution by the police.

I'm so glad that I've finally been proven right after being called a liar and being accused of making it up as a conspiracy against dss.

It has caused a lot of grief going to the police for dh from ex but hopefully it is worth it for dss to finally have some discipline.

Thank you mumsnet.

OP posts:
MrsTwix · 15/03/2017 12:08

I'd ignore her pointless wittering.

As for the money, I'm not sure if there is a practical way to get it back except by not giving him any pocket money. However if you don't give him money that just gives him more "reason" to steal.

See how he is if he comes to visit, and lock your purse away. If he is reasonable then maybe he can earn it back by washing up and washing the car etc. If not then I'd write it off sadly.

Original poster
LesSmiths1 · 15/03/2017 12:08

Yes but what is the root cause of the behaviour it is that I can steal get away with it because Mum has her own agenda.

She can't move on and instead trying to hurt dh as much as possible the best way to do that is to use dss as a weopan.

OP posts:
Whatthefudger · 15/03/2017 12:12

I think calling the police is pretty extreme but maybe needed in these circumstances. Tough one

redshoeblueshoe · 15/03/2017 12:15

Well done. Does you DH keep in contact by phone ? The dss may still want to come on holiday.

LagunaBubbles · 15/03/2017 12:15

I don't think it will change his behaviour, OP, I'm afraid he'll just be craftier about it, especially with his dreadful mother's attitude

Yep me to. I dont think calling the Police was extreme either and I would do so again if necessary OP.

Onthecouchagain · 15/03/2017 12:19

Having him arrested was way OTT. These things should be sorted within the family.

emmyhNL · 15/03/2017 12:27

This was an update I didn't want to read :( but well done for sticking to your guns and following through. As others have said; his mum will never listen but I hope the shock of the police arrest will stop him in future

redshoeblueshoe · 15/03/2017 12:27

Onthecouch how do you suggest they do that when his DM is denying it happened, even with evidence ?

diddl · 15/03/2017 12:32

Sorry I haven't seen other threads so don't know how old he is.

But surely he is old enough to know that it is wrong despite anything that his mum might say?

Has he only stolen from you or his dad also?

What do you want to do about contact?

Must be tempting to no longer have him at the house & have him & his dad meet elsewhere.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2017 12:33

You have done the right thing. Hopefully she hasn't groomed him beyond common sense; at 16 he should be capable of comparing her behaviour to what he sees on TV, films, friends' families, and recognise that she is out of step with the rest of the world. A halt had to be called, you did the right thing.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/03/2017 12:36

Oh gosh, a caution is such a big thing. Not sure I'd be able to go that far. It sounds like a very difficult situation for you.

yecartmannew · 15/03/2017 12:40

with regard to getting the money back, I would do it via his birthday and christmas presents untill paid off.

So for instance if you would have bought him something costing £50 for his birthday, get him a card and then enclose a note saying £50 credited towards your debt, £250 remaining.

Then he can't say he didn't get anything but you will get the money back. It sounds harsh but it works. I did this with my son recently, he had borrowed a load of money off me and was being tardy about paying it back, so when it was his birthday I did as per the above.

Whatthefudger · 15/03/2017 12:45

Tinklylittlething that was my point above. A formal caution is quite severe. A difficult situation for all

nauticant · 15/03/2017 12:47

Although it is best to understand the background given in the other threads. They do put the OP's response into perspective.

MrsTwix · 15/03/2017 12:48

Better a caution now than charges later.

amusedbush · 15/03/2017 13:02

Having him arrested was way OTT. These things should be sorted within the family.

How, exactly? Have you read the original thread?

The DSS has stolen hundreds of pounds and is acting, frankly, like a total arsehole while his delusional mother enables him.

semanwen · 15/03/2017 13:11

Great. So he has a police caution. That rules out any job that needs and enhanced DBS.

I did read the original thread. It made me very sad that a relationship could be so dysfunctional that his parent couldn't manage the situation without jepordising their child's future.

amusedbush · 15/03/2017 13:13

semanwen

Was anyone twisting the DSS's arm to steal from his family? Repeatedly?

No! He's a badly behaved young man who hides behind his mummy to get away with it. He brought the whole bloody mess on himself.

semanwen · 15/03/2017 13:19

It sounded to me - like this thread sounds- about a stand off between the OP and his mother. These threads are about the dhs ex just as much if not more than the child.

Read this original post on this thread and the very 1st one To think dh ex is taking the piss. No-one gives a stuff about this boy- it is all point proving and 1 upmanship.

Why post yet another thread- not about the boy but about his mother.

Maybe the question should be about why it got to this situation. He has 2 parents.

Whatthefudger · 15/03/2017 13:23

It sounded to me - like this thread sounds- about a stand off between the OP and his mother. These threads are about the dhs ex just as much if not more than the child.

This ^

lizzyj4 · 15/03/2017 13:40

I'm with semanwen I'm afraid. Back right off and don't invite the kid to your house if you're going to then record him on CCTV. Not helping in any way.

DoingThisRight · 15/03/2017 13:42

Well done for exposing this thief. Do not let him come anywhere near your D.C. They don't need people like that around him. His mother must feel so proud.

DoingThisRight · 15/03/2017 13:44

Semanwen so the op and her children should allow the stealing to go on because poor diddums future should be taken into account. Why didn't he stop when he was confronted the first time? Nah he deserves this, he knew what he was doing.

user1485984489 · 15/03/2017 13:49

What does the little brat have to say for himself about his behaviour? Or is he just hiding behind his Mummy? He is old enough to know right from wrong and was clearly in the wrong, no matter what his deluded Mother says. She sounds vile, who on earth would tell their child that the other parent doesn't love them? But yes, I would write off the £300. How can your partner 'just' be a sperm donor when it seems like you have 50/50 custody?

LagunaBubbles · 15/03/2017 13:50

Great. So he has a police caution. That rules out any job that needs and enhanced DBS

It never ceases to amaze me how much some people can excuse personal responsibility. Hes 16, not a little child. At 16 you can get married here in Scotland even without your parents permission. I wouldnt want someone who thought it was ok to steal and you couldnt trust, working with vulnerable people either.