To think you cannot call me a liar when your son is on video stealing!!!

[LesSmiths1]

I posted this thread a week back www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2873017-My-stepson-is-stealing-from-me

One solution was that we put cameras up and we did, we never told dss about them and tried to conceal them as much as possible.

In my room I left my handbag, cctv shoes dss walk into our room, go through my bag, pull out my purse and take £50 out.

So we sent the footage not only to dss Mum but to the police. He was arrested and given a caution by the police.

I'm so glad that I've finally been proven right after being called a liar and being accused of making it up as a conspiracy against dss.

It has caused a lot of grief going to the police for dh from ex but hopefully it is worth it for dss to finally have some discipline.

Thank you mumsnet.

[FreeNiki]

Or he's only scared now he's caught by you and sucking up.....he wants to go on holidays with you. i bet he does.

[Wotshudwehave4T]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing. His mum will kick off of course and may make DSS feel guilty and have his head all over the place. All you can do is tell him he always has a bed at yours and if he does want to spend time at his mums he can. Once he is mature enough to handle the conflicting emotions he will probably not spend much time with her if she continues in this vein. Looks like things are looking up, poor lad it almost seems like he was trying to buy her approval with your money so she puts him first before her BF

[Stormtreader]

She did know he was stealing apparently she said it's okay as long as it's us and he doesn't get caught.

Hes 16, not 6. He knew it was wrong but carried on until he got caught. What his mum may or may not have said about it really doesnt matter, hes old enough to not be using the excuse "but my mum said it was ok".

[DoingThisRight]

Op I think you sound like a genuinely nice person. You still want to try have a relationship and welcome him in your home after everything. Contrary to some posts here about him being a 'step' child you do have his best interests at heart.
Hopefully he has learnt from this, and over time earns back your trust and maybe being away from his horrid mother's influence will do him good.

[MipMipMip]

Hopefully he will have learnt that his mum has lied to him about it being ok - that there are consequences even if she says there aren't. I think you're doing a great job OP.

[LesSmiths1]

Hes 16, not 6. He knew it was wrong but carried on until he got caught. What his mum may or may not have said about it really doesnt matter, hes old enough to not be using the excuse "but my mum said it was ok".

I agree definitely he knew it was wrong but did it anyway because he wanted stuff.

[BastardGoDarkly]

FreeNiki the op tried numerous times to tackle the thefts 'in house' this was her last resort.

[FreeNiki]

FreeNiki the op tried numerous times to tackle the thefts 'in house' this was her last resort.

No she had 2 more things to try.

Confront him with the cctv and say i know its you i have proof. i want to be paid back and it never happens again. if you dont pay me back or it evens again i go to the police.

But no....straight to the police.

[FreeNiki]

*ever happens again

[LesSmiths1]

Confront him with the cctv and say i know its you i have proof. i want to be paid back and it never happens again. if you dont pay me back or it evens again i go to the police.

I've confronted him before and it has been of no success I was told in previous thread by many posters to call the police.

[nauticant]

There's nothing wrong with the approach you took, it was a valid choice among several possible approaches. Although you're being lectured at by other posters you were on the spot while they were not.

One fantastic lesson your DSS should have learned is that when he is thinking about making a bad choice, one parent may well enable him while the other will resist it. Assuming he has some common sense he'll realise that his mother is often not acting in his best interests. That's really useful stuff.

[LesSmiths1]

I completely agree with your post. Nauticant

[DanGleballs]

Someone mentioned that this will mean that the lad will fail dbs checks. If he is the sort of kid that would steal from his family would you really want to trust him near your grannies purse.

If he us stealing on a regular basis from his family he can't be put in a position of trust.