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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call my child the same name as their cousin?

155 replies

AliChampion · 10/03/2017 23:21

SIL and I were pregnant with our five year olds at the same time. We discussed names and both had a particular girls name we loved. I was due first and she asked me to let her have the name because she said she had fertility issues so it was likely to be the only child she'd ever have. I let her have it.

Now I'm pregnant again and I still adore the name. SIL has gone on to have two further children and we only see them around five times a year at most. I'm tempted to ask if she minds if I use the same name for this baby if they are a girl. They'd have different surnames and wouldn't ever attend the same school or anything. It isn't a really common name but it also isn't unheard of (think Lucy.) It was my grandma's name and this will be my last DC so I either use it now or never.

OP posts:
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 10/03/2017 23:23

Just do it, but don't ask her permission. It's your grandmothers name, so its special to you.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 10/03/2017 23:24

I know the MN mantra is nobody owns a name but I'd think it a bit odd. Sorry!

SouthWindsWesterly · 10/03/2017 23:24

No-one owns a monopoly on names. You could refer to them as big Lucy and little Lucy. Do you think that your cousin will be upset if you name your baby the same name?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 10/03/2017 23:26

Do it. Dont mention it before hand.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2017 23:27

Don't ask, just do it.

I have the same name as one of my cousins.

My DS3 has the same name as his 2nd cousin.

It's not odd at all imo.

TheUnicorns · 10/03/2017 23:27

Do not just do it without mentioning it, you'll look mental Hmm

I wouldn't use it. You said she could have it and that's that. If you really can't face that though I'd politely inform her beforehand that you'll be using it.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 10/03/2017 23:28

I find it strange that she asked to have the name in the first place due to fertility issues.

Whether you or she had one child or 20, it was a name special to you. Which she must have known.

I'd go ahead and use the name. She doesn't own it. She also knows you loved the name first time round.

BackforGood · 10/03/2017 23:28

YABU.

Their Grandparents will presumably have less than half a dozen Granddaughters. It would be ridiculous for 2 of them to have the same name. There are thousands of lovely names out there - pick another.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2017 23:29

Mind you, I come from a huge Irish family, where just about everyone has a 'Mary' and/or a 'Patrick' somewhere Grin

EnglishRose1320 · 10/03/2017 23:30

Two of my cousins have the same name, never been a problem as far as I know. Although it is a name with a couple of nicknames like Charlotte, one is Charlie one is Lottie type thing.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2017 23:31

Their Grandparents will presumably have less than half a dozen Granddaughters. It would be ridiculous for 2 of them to have the same name.

Why ridiculous? Confused

Are you worried about them getting confused?

It's really not hard to differentiate between 2 kids with the same name.

ollieplimsoles · 10/03/2017 23:32

I find it strange that she asked to have the name in the first place due to fertility issues

This^

I wouldn't ask her, I would tell her you are using it- let her get all her outrage out of the way nice and early.

Davros · 10/03/2017 23:32

YANBU I can't see the problem, see it as a family name that can be used multiple times in one family.

OverOn · 10/03/2017 23:33

Use the name as it's special to you. Don't tell her beforehand though. It will look like you're asking for permission.

MaidOfStars · 10/03/2017 23:34

I don't think it's a problem at all, nor do you need to consult with her. Like Worra, huge Irish families mean there are 2 Ciarans, 3 Ivans, 2 Garys, 17 Michaels (exaggeration), a few Gerrys of both sexes. And every girl in the second gen has May as a middle. Don't stress.

Original poster
AliChampion · 10/03/2017 23:36

I think MIL would be more annoyed than SIL. My eldest DD mentioned she liked the name if this one is a girl and MIL scoffed and said we've already got one of those. She also mentioned it to SIL who didn't seem too bothered. I agree I'd look nuts if I named her without mentioning it beforehand but I'd do it is as in 'do you mind?' rather than 'please may I?' with the tone being clear that I'm going to anyway so she may as well agree Grin

OP posts:
DevonLulu · 10/03/2017 23:38

Oh please. That happened in our family and it's bloody PITA! There are so many names. Choose another!

Original poster
AliChampion · 10/03/2017 23:40

How does it cause a problem for your family Devon?

OP posts:
Steamgirl · 10/03/2017 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Steamgirl · 10/03/2017 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2017 23:44

I can't see how it causes a problem.

"I'm looking after Ali's Chloe tomorrow"

"I'm looking after Sarah's Chloe tomorrow"

There are far more complicated things in this world Grin

GwenStaceyRocks · 10/03/2017 23:46

I think YABU. You already told SIL she coud have it. If she'd known you were going to change your mind, x number of years later, she might not have used it.

Toobloodytired · 10/03/2017 23:46

I liked a name my brother chose for his son, however he only used the short version. I told him I'd use the longer one & if it got shortened so be it.

He didn't care

TheTantrumCometh · 10/03/2017 23:50

My DD now has a (step) cousin with the same name. It's never caused a problem. They're two of six grandchildren and it's just not an issue. I would mention it, but not ask permission as it's not theirs to give. Saying "do you mind" is still asking. Just say, "if baby is a girl we're planning on naming her ..."

catkind · 10/03/2017 23:50

It's no big deal. There are often common names in a family. Big cousin Lucy will probably love having a Baby Lucy in the family.
I wouldn't say "do you mind", that allows an answer "actually I do". "I just wanted to let you know first"?