to call my child the same name as their cousin?

[AliChampion]

SIL and I were pregnant with our five year olds at the same time. We discussed names and both had a particular girls name we loved. I was due first and she asked me to let her have the name because she said she had fertility issues so it was likely to be the only child she'd ever have. I let her have it.

Now I'm pregnant again and I still adore the name. SIL has gone on to have two further children and we only see them around five times a year at most. I'm tempted to ask if she minds if I use the same name for this baby if they are a girl. They'd have different surnames and wouldn't ever attend the same school or anything. It isn't a really common name but it also isn't unheard of (think Lucy.) It was my grandma's name and this will be my last DC so I either use it now or never.

Is there a nickname you could use in family situations, so Lucy (SIL's DD) & Lu (your DD) for example?

Since you said that SIL could have it, I think it would be polite to run it past her.

If only MIL would look after my DC instead of just SILs that conversation might just come up Worra

I said I wouldn't call that particular DC it Gwent, I didn't say I'd never use it.I do think it'd be silly to have two cousins born months apart named the same but I don't see the problem with six years apart.

They nickname their one a lot whereas I prefer the proper name. On around five occasions a year and with a 6 year age gap it isn't going to cause mix ups anyway IMO.

YANBU, nothing wrong with it especially since the name is special for you and she knows you have liked it for so long.

I'd be inclined to mention it if you think she'll be offended just so it is dealt with before you have the baby.

Maybe you could use it as a middle name instead or use a variant - Lucinda rather than Lucy for example; can you do that with the name you have in mind?

We have 4 Margarets in our family - we cope.

You could just say to her 'we're going to call this baby Lucinda and have her known as that, I thought I'd tell you as I suspect MIL will have an opinion'

Then she can give her thoughts if she wants and you can assess if you still really need/want the name.

Do it. Theyll just be known as Big Alice and Little Alice. Or Alice and Baby Alice.

It doesn't work as a middle name with the surname, unfortunately. There are slightly different versions but I really don't like any of them. You never know, it might be a boy and so irrelevant but after three girls and not knowing anyone who's had three girls then a boy, I doubt it!

My DH's DS was given the same name as his uncle. DH can't remember why, probably just because they liked the name. it doesn't really cause problems, DS is often called eg Little Steve (abbreviated to Lil Steve) if there's any chance of confusion.

I work in a school, we often have two children of the same name in the class and use middle names to differentiate eg Mary Jane and Mary Anne.

I'm not sure why you're asking since you seem to have decided.
SIL asked you. I think it's only polite to do the same back but I have a feeling you're not going to do that in case she says 'no'.

I don't get how it doesn't go with the surname as a middle name but it would as a first name given that usually people only say the two names and miss out the middle name.

It begins with the same initial as the surname grubble so sounds too much of a mouthful as a middle name plus the only other alternative I have also begins with the same letter so then it'd be three names with the same initial!

My older cousin on my dad's side called her DD (let's say) Emma. When my DD was born 4 years later (without asking permission or advising anyone) we called her (let's say) Emily.

My dad's mum was pretty annoyed, and kept referring to it, until I reminded her pointedly that my GM on the other side (i.e. my mum's mum, who'd died recently) was called Emily.

She shut up after that, and my cousin never cared. The family cope with the difficulty of saying "Emma" or "Emily". Unlike the uncle on mum's side who names each of his children and my Dsis before he finally remembers my name!

I think it is odd. Use it as a middle name.

Don't fanny about, just do it.

I'd actually forgotten when I posted before, DD has almost the same name as one of her cousins, to continue your analogy cousin is Lucinda and DD is Lucy. Apart from one aunt who keeps calling DD Lucinda, which to be fair she might have been inclined to do anyway, it's caused so few issues I completely forgot about it

I'd say go for it, but warning SIL in advance (explaining why, rather than asking permission) and only if you're comfortable with your dd quite possibly being known as "Little " within the family, for the rest of their lives

I have two nieces with the same name- our family was estranged for a while and when we all met up 2 of my siblings had called their DDs the same name. There is a few years between them, so one is known as Big X, the other as Little X. That is, if it isn't obvious from context which one you're talking about.

We also have a few names shared via marriage- should people have considered that before getting married? (Oh sorry, I can't marry you because you have the same name as my brother...)

We have a 'family' name there are 4 currently all adults it causes no issues in the family and it's in not confusing for us at all but then they all have prefixes which helps I guess. Big family trips and weddings (anything that involves booking and reservations) have caused a few headaches but that's because they also all have the same surname I would warn SIL and agree with pp be prepared for your DD to be known as 'little' name or some equivalent for a long time my Brother is 36 6 ft 1 and still know as 'little name' 😂😂

Don't even say 'do you mind?' Say 'just so you know'. Few names have been used a few times in my family and honestly it's fine. DM has a name that half her side have (only slight exaggeration) and next generation there's a few others ones used. Just use it.

Madame I love that about your brother my sister has the same name as a cousins daughter and there was some discussion at first for 'little X' being used for the baby when Dsis is 5"1. Means Baby X is now 8ish and we just don't say 'big' or 'old' X for Dsis but surnames. It works fine and only comes up once or twice a year.

Was more an issue that DH has the same name as a family members cat

do it. imagine how proud the five year old cousin will be to have a baby named after her!

In my family, I have several family members called Sam. Girl and boy. Sam is a pretty common name, and if you say it's an average name then go for it. I have an unusual name, and I think it would be weird if one of my cousins popped up with my name!

Do what you want, but it is a bit strange don't you feel like the name is secondhand? I'd want my child to have their "own" name.