to call my child the same name as their cousin?

[AliChampion]

SIL and I were pregnant with our five year olds at the same time. We discussed names and both had a particular girls name we loved. I was due first and she asked me to let her have the name because she said she had fertility issues so it was likely to be the only child she'd ever have. I let her have it.

Now I'm pregnant again and I still adore the name. SIL has gone on to have two further children and we only see them around five times a year at most. I'm tempted to ask if she minds if I use the same name for this baby if they are a girl. They'd have different surnames and wouldn't ever attend the same school or anything. It isn't a really common name but it also isn't unheard of (think Lucy.) It was my grandma's name and this will be my last DC so I either use it now or never.

I'm not really sure of the logic behind agreeing not to use the name in the first place. Given that you don't see them very often, the opportunities for confusion are limited, so I think you should feel able to use it. If you do use the name, you could forewarn your sil rather than ask her permission (giving her less opportunity to veto it).

Maybe some people see cousins lots more than I'm used to, so it might seem to matter more to some people. When I was a child I saw my cousins once a year at Christmas, and since I've been an adult I've hardly ever seen them. I last saw any of my cousins ten years ago. My DC, too, don't see their cousins - they're all in different parts of the country/world and haven't seen them for about three years. So naming your DC the same name as a cousin is never going to seem like a big thing to me.

We named our son the same name has my dh brother. Everyone loved it. Family names are often used though in our family. I think i would mention that you intend to use that name in an off hand way, ever so casually and see what happens. I would use it though, its clearly the one and you don't see them that regularly.

Use it. Eve is a lovely name. But then names run in 2s in my family.

Use it. We had picked a name and my cousins wife was due after us, but needed an EMCS just days before we had our ds, they called him the shortened version of the name we chose ( think Steve and Steven, but not those names).

We had our ds and called him the name we'd always chosen ( the longer version) , not a problem, never been an issue!!! The boys are 14 now.

Eve is a lovely name. So is Eva which is a variation. I agree with a previus poster that Edith Evelyn sounds nice too.

*previous

You could also have Evonne/Evanne with Eve for short.

I have 2 cousins with the same first name and practically the same surname- so Jane Smith and Jane Smythe- different grandparents so I don't think they ever met, apart from at my wedding when it was a 'oh cool' moment.
One of them now has a DD with the same name as my DD, it's sweet and no biggie. I certainly didn't dream of being offended, if anything it's a tribute.

It's a total non-issue, just use the name. Don't ask permission - it's not her name to 'let' you have if she wants to, and you don't want to give her that impression. Just tell them the name once she's born - if you tell her beforehand she'll think it's up for discussion, it's not.

My sister had the same name as one of our cousins and my godmother. There was 'our Nellie', Cousin Nellie and Auntie Nellie so everyone knew who you were talking about.

My cousin had the same name as my dad and it's never been as issue- no nicknames or 'little name' 'big name' used either. The context of the conversation makes it obvious which one is being talked about. In fact, having the same name is rather advantageous if you want both of them at the same time

I've got the same middle name as my cousin(one of those names that used to be very popular as a middle name) but I don't think i would use the same first name for a cousin.

I do find it grossly unfair that the op is being told by some that she shouldnt call her baby the same name as her cousin's. She has every right to, and doesnt have to get permission either.

I have 4 members of my extended family who all have the same forename. All born between late 50's and early 70's. Two of my aunts (sisters) both called their son by the same forename, and yes it was after their father. It's a good name and they liked it, and it's never caused any issues.

Sorry but I wouldnt be told by anyone that I couldnt call my child what i wanted.

I wouldn't. I'm from a big family (more than half a dozen grand daughters) and it's such a pain that 2 of my cousins choose the same name for their boys and another cousin used a different cousin's name for their kid. I feel like there are loads of names out there why double up you know? It made naming mine harder (big family) but it's less confusing. People don't actually say 'big jo and little Jo' and a lot of those differentiators are actually kind of hurtful (having been big midnight at uni to my house mates pretty midnight)

Bonkers. Choose another name there are loads.

Also avoid Eve. This is a list of dds friends
Eve
Eve
Eve
And eve

That name is full. This generations Sarah.

I have a cousin with same name as myself , however I have 30 cousins . My parents have 5 gc , would be strange if 2 out of 5 had the same name

Its a total non-issue, just use the name. Don't ask permission - it's not her name to 'let' you have if she wants to, and you don't want to give her that impression. Just tell them the name once she's born - if you tell her beforehand she'll think it's up for discussion, it's not

I agree. It's absurd to think that someone "owns" a name. They don't.

I also think the SIL was extremely manipulative to throw in the fertility issues as a reason for having that particular name, and I say that as someone who also had fertility issues. No one knows what the future holds. For all anyone knew, that pregnancy might have been your only chance at having a baby (too), and being able to use a name you really wanted.

Use Eve this time if you want. SIL and MAIL can get over it or die mad.

Personally I was very actually still am funny about names & birthdays,
Ok so might sound bit silly but if a find was pregnant same time as me until I knew what I was having or she was having names wouldn't be mentioned well not the 100% name anyway... if due date was on my DD's birthday I'd jokingly but kinda meant it oh hope you don't have baby on her birthday....
Reading that I sound so pathetic but DD1 was due on DH's nephews birthday and I hoped she stayed in I didn't want a son and to share birthdays with his cousin.... well DD was 13 days late what was SIL's due date but had him 13 days early lol
When trying for our 2nd so was my cousin we agreed who ever got the boy 1st got the name we both loved i got pregnant with DD2 and no issues made she wanted me to have a girl lol which I did she went on to have the little boy and get the name....

Being "that" Mum I'd suggest just mention you love the name and would she mind if you used it maybe change spelling but don't be surprised if her nose ain't outta joint but at the end of the day do what you wanna hun
Xx

I have the same name as an older cousin. It was my Mum"s favourite girls name. Another cousin married a girl with the same name so there's 3 of us now (my sister married a chap with the same name as another cousin). Not a problem. Just have to remember on phone, when talking to relatives, to give surname as otherwise it gets confusing.

My sister has already said if she has a DD she will want to call same name as my daughter. I don't have a problem with that. It's a beautiful name!

My brother has the same name as my Dad's brother (his Uncle). My Dad and his brother weren't even that close and we didn't see them that often, but it was always so annoying when people were talking about {say} 'Pete' and you didn't know which was Uncle Pete and which was brother Pete, etc. No, obviously not the end of the world, but seems daft to create that confusion when you could use any one of the thousands of other names out there that are available.

I think you should use the name you want , you might regret it if you don't .
Also as a mum who had 3 daughters followed by boy/girl twins I'd say it could be a boy !

When my eldest was born I named him after both my grandads, Edward Stephen for example. My cousin (who lives miles away and who I never see) had a boy a few months before called David Steven Edward, same names but different order. Anyway at my grandads funeral my aunt comes over and has a go at me for stealing her grandsons names, couldn't I think of anything myself type of things. So I pointed out they were in a different order, they were her grandsons middle names and who uses those everyday, and my son was born on grandads birthday after a 3 day labour.

Sorry that still bugs me.

Cousin on the other hand thought it was lovely!

This caused a rift in our family that never healed.

Mum always wanted a daughter, she wanted her to be called Kate. She lost a baby and for 20 years could not conceive. Meanwhile, Dads Sister had a daughter and knowing Mums chosen name called her Kayte anyway (Mum didn't mind).
Fast forward 6 years and I appeared as somewhat of a surprise. As Mum had always wanted, I was named Kate (not really but you get the drift).

My Nan had no problem with Kayte and Kate, my Aunt however went nuclear at my parents and my Nan because she refused to get involved in what she called a 'non issue'. None of them ever spoke again.

I did have somewhat of a relationship with Kayte in my teens and sharing the name never bothered us.
Weird things families.

Why what a cheek! No-one has any right to tell anyone what to call (nor NOT call) their baby.

If someone told me I couldn't use a certain name, and to 'use another name,' (as some people have said on here! ) that would make me more determined to use the name. I don't appreciate being told what to do by entitled-to divas.