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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call my child the same name as their cousin?

155 replies

AliChampion · 10/03/2017 23:21

SIL and I were pregnant with our five year olds at the same time. We discussed names and both had a particular girls name we loved. I was due first and she asked me to let her have the name because she said she had fertility issues so it was likely to be the only child she'd ever have. I let her have it.

Now I'm pregnant again and I still adore the name. SIL has gone on to have two further children and we only see them around five times a year at most. I'm tempted to ask if she minds if I use the same name for this baby if they are a girl. They'd have different surnames and wouldn't ever attend the same school or anything. It isn't a really common name but it also isn't unheard of (think Lucy.) It was my grandma's name and this will be my last DC so I either use it now or never.

OP posts:
TFPsa · 11/03/2017 08:01

I think it's moderately U. There are so many great names to choose from & it doesn't help that you seemingly agreed to let the SIL have it.

But if the link with your grandmother is really important to me then it'd be far from the worst thing ever.

taybert · 11/03/2017 08:02

My brother has the same name as my cousin. Coincidentally this was my husband's dad's name and is also my son's name and our nephew's middle name. The most serious complication has been the occasional hilarious misunderstanding that my brother is toilet training or something. It's all fine. I'd just have a conversation with her, the cousin will probably like having a baby "named after her".

macaronip1e · 11/03/2017 08:02

My gran was from a large family; two of her sisters were called Mary (named after different Marys which apparently makes it ok); and she had Jonathon and John as brothers. Now that is crazy in my mind.

I think you're fine but tell your SIL first

SoupDragon · 11/03/2017 08:04

You clearly don't think it's a problem so why are you asking?

Headofthehive55 · 11/03/2017 08:05

Use the name.
We have people in the family with identical names. A family members partner has exactly the same name as myself.
It's not caused any difficulty. So far we have all managed to go home to the correct houses after a family gathering and no ones been swopped or confused. Grin

user1487175389 · 11/03/2017 08:06

It's the kind that of thing that wouldn't have seemed weird a hundred years ago, when you'd get entire families (almost) of men called Robert or John.

Bananamanfan · 11/03/2017 08:10

If your grandmother was Lucy Rose could you call dd Rose Lucy?

DarklyDreamingDexter · 11/03/2017 08:12

My cousin had a baby a couple of months before me and called her child the name I'd already picked out for my baby. I still called my baby that name. Roll on a couple of years and the same cousin had another baby a couple of months before me and called her baby the first name and middle name I'd picked out for mine! I still called my child that exact name. I've only ever seen my cousin at occasional family weddings or funerals (and not at all in the last 20 years) and we are in different parts of the country, so I wasn't in the least bit bothered. I doubt she was bothered either in the circumstances (i.e. We've never seen each other since we've been grown up) but my view is no one has ownership over a name, so call your baby whatever you like. Anyway, it's a family name in your case. Go for it!

GoBigOrange · 11/03/2017 08:18

We had this recently in DHs family. New baby named the same as an older cousin. Far from being flattered to have a baby named the same as her, the older cousin was really, really upset that the new baby had taken her name and she basically felt like she was being replaced.

Many of the family were a little Hmm about them picking the same name too, but I guess we'll get used to it. We do see an awful lot of each other as a family though, and the parents of #2 chose the name just because they liked it, rather than it having significance to them. So that probably makes a good bit of a difference.

But... If you really want to use the name, then go for it. Don't ask. Don't apologize. They don't own it, and she was a trifle cheeky to guilt you into agreeing to 'let her have it' in the first place if she knew it had significance to you.

wishcarry · 11/03/2017 08:18

You should go for it.
my dd has the same beautiful name as her cousin.
my sil was so pleased when we said we really wanted that name,and her daughter was really happy about it too.
there are never any mix ups here,as my dds cousin is older,when we need to distinguish which child we are talking about we say big "x" or little "x".or if I'm talking to sil,I'll say your "x" or my "x".

Xocaraic · 11/03/2017 08:19

I would suggest caution. For a her whole life your child will be little Lucy, 2nd Lucy etc. The other child (like it or not) will be the original Lucy.
That is not an association I would want for my child, regardless of how often (or not) you see your SIL and family.

Purplebluebird · 11/03/2017 08:19

I wouldn't do it!

Ridingthegravytrain · 11/03/2017 08:21

I have the same first and middle name as my (younger) cousin. I don't think my uncle asked "permission"and no one thinks it's weird and we are a very close family. Just go for it

rosy71 · 11/03/2017 08:23

Use it if you want to. It has meaning for you. My ds1 & my cousin's ds1 have the same name. My ds2 & my sister's ds2 have the same middle name. Ds2 has the same name as another cousin's grandson & they are both at the same school. My sister's ds1's middle name is the same as another cousin's first name.

If you feel it would be a problem, use it as a middle name, although I don't know how it can sound strange as a middle name because it has the same initial as your surname. Surely it'd be more odd as a first name like that.

awaynboilyurheid · 11/03/2017 08:27

I would go for it and just say we are calling baby x don't ask permission at all. I think it was unreasonable for her to ask you if she could have the name first time round. I know someone who had a baby and wanted a name but her colleague in work had just had a baby few months before and had called her baby the same name. She changed it as she felt other colleagues would say oh another x !! A few months later said colleague left the firm and my friend still regrets not calling her daughter that name.

EssentialHummus · 11/03/2017 08:35

We are in this situation too - chose a girl's name pre-pregnancy only for SIL to name her DD "our" name. I expect we'll still use it (now actually pregnant). The cousins will be a year apart but live in different countries.

nick247 · 11/03/2017 08:38

My DM has two sisters who both called their son Andrew,there is about 6 years age difference, NOBODY gives a damn, and never any confusion as they have different surnames.

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 11/03/2017 08:39

I wouldn't do it either. Surely there is other names that you 'adore'!

x2boys · 11/03/2017 08:45

i have a 'seventies ' double barrell name think 'Sarah -Jane my cousin is 'Sarah' it was never an issue growng up we saw each other maybe three times a year and shes about seven or eight years older than me we are also a big Irish family so there are quite a few cousins two of our other cousins had very similar sounding names think Hannah, and Anna again it wasent an issue

Happinessisthis · 11/03/2017 08:48

Yes. Do it. It's a name. You liked it first. You don't see them very often. There's a big enough age gap. It was your grandmothers name. Why wouldn't you use the name!
I would be more inclined to be annoyed if it was only a couple of months gap etc. But 5 years is fine.

Rosa · 11/03/2017 08:50

We have two brothers that called their daughters the same name ...they have 5 years between them in age. A few relatives mantioned it as strange. Do it if you like it its your choice.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 11/03/2017 09:02

I gave DS the same first name as a cousin. They were both named in memory of a relative. They have different surnames and rarely meet. Should I be banned from using a name that DH and I both love for different reasons and not be allowed to pay tribute to a loved relative because another relative is older and reached their reproductive stage of life first Hmm
Poor DN has 3 cousins of the same first name as there's another on the other side of the family. She copes!

I'd be more cautious if its the same surname, very close in age, see each other regularly, not a name of particular meaning or highly unusual.

We also have a Hannah/ Anna type combination of names. Then another Anna married into the family.

DS2 has a male version of DGM's name. She's known by a unisex short version and has the same surname.

There's also multiple Uncle Johns through marriage. We can usually get through similar/ multiple names by context without referring to a surname.

It's normal for names to repeat around families.

Clare2017 · 11/03/2017 09:06

We have several pairs of cousins with the same name in our family. It's never been an issue at all.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 11/03/2017 09:06

Lol @ the suggestion it causes a problem. Only if someone is exceptionally lazy or daft and can't find a way to distinguish between two people of the same name. How do some people cope with more complicated scenarios in life? Grin

x2boys · 11/03/2017 09:11

on the other side of my family we have a family name so my great Grandad, Grandad ,Uncle and Cousin were/are all called 'David Smith'[not real name] my Great Grandad and Grandad have been dead for many years now but my Uncle and Cousin [who are Uncle and Nephew not father and son] are known as 'our David ' and young David young David must be nearly 50 nowGrin