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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to call my child the same name as their cousin?

155 replies

AliChampion · 10/03/2017 23:21

SIL and I were pregnant with our five year olds at the same time. We discussed names and both had a particular girls name we loved. I was due first and she asked me to let her have the name because she said she had fertility issues so it was likely to be the only child she'd ever have. I let her have it.

Now I'm pregnant again and I still adore the name. SIL has gone on to have two further children and we only see them around five times a year at most. I'm tempted to ask if she minds if I use the same name for this baby if they are a girl. They'd have different surnames and wouldn't ever attend the same school or anything. It isn't a really common name but it also isn't unheard of (think Lucy.) It was my grandma's name and this will be my last DC so I either use it now or never.

OP posts:
WallisFrizz · 11/03/2017 09:16

I wouldn't do it. Give your child their own unique identity. Yes there will be ways to differentiate between them but why should they have to?

Original poster
AliChampion · 11/03/2017 09:18

It probably makes it easier to just tell you the name. It's Eve. So I could use Evelyn or Genevieve and shorten it but I prefer just Eve. SIL calls her DD Evie for a NN. The only other name I like is Edith but obviously I can't have Edith Eve as our surname also begins with E. If they are a boy, I will use Evan.

OP posts:
dingdongthewitchisdead1 · 11/03/2017 09:27

Yanbu just do it.
In Ireland we all do it... I have a 2 cousins...lets call them Mary. We refer to them as Mary a and Mary b. Then my cousins on the other side are called 'ciara' again, Ciara a and Ciara b. Both called after grandmothers.
My mum is called 'Anne' as was her aunt and her niece is also called Anne.
We do it all the time. My dd has the same name as her great gm and my ds has the same name as my dad.
No one has ever had an issue with it. We think it's lovely, and an honour to be named after another respected family member. Since it was your gm's name just do it!!!

Astro55 · 11/03/2017 09:28

That name is very popular so with all the worry about SIL baby - you'll find there will be another 3 in her class anyway - so she'll be known s Eve E (evie) anyway

MrsNuckyThompson · 11/03/2017 09:31

In years gone by I think it was very common for names to run in families and for cousins to have the same name. In my family my uncle shares a name (first, middle and surname) with his first cousin and his own son has the same name.

These children are not the same age and doesn't sound like they're in each other's pockets so I'd go for it. I'm sure you'll get some comments, so it just depends how much you care about that I suppose!

DragonsToSlayAndWineToDrink · 11/03/2017 09:31

My brother's partner has the same name as my mum, and my DH has two BILs - one my brother and one his own brother's (same sex) partner who have the same name as each other. If these things work out fine (and I assume most people wouldn't stop dating someone who had the same name as their family member?!) then why can't two grandchildren with the same name be fine?!

QueenInsomnia · 11/03/2017 09:44

I think YABU. Why don't you tell SIL that you still adore the name, and will be using it as a middle name or even a double barrelled first name? I think using it as a first name alone could cause problems.

First hand experience I had a stillborn, my SIL used my stillborns name for her next child. I haven't spoke to her since. I think it's disrespectful, and she didn't even address it, just acted as if my stillborn never existed. If my child was alive I'd still be a little put out, and irritate by it, but using it as a middle name wouldn't have bothered me at all.

There's thousands of other names, and I think you're just asking for problems, especially with your MIL.

Purpledaffodils · 11/03/2017 09:55

I have cousins with the same name on both sides of my family. Unless it is really unusual I wouldnt think twice about it especially as it has significance to you. I wouldn't ask permission either.

Ca55andraMortmain · 11/03/2017 10:03

I don't think it's an issue at all. Out of 8 grandsons in my family, three have the same name. In the next generation there's a sophie and a Sofia, a Lucy and a Lucia and two called James. It's really not a big deal, we just refer to 'Allen's James' or 'big James' Vs 'wee James'. I think you should use the name if you love it.

AtSea1979 · 11/03/2017 10:05

I think you should use it but it will be hard for MIL. My favourite name was taken by my close friend, I never mentioned it until I was pregnant with DD, she said I could use it (her DD was 1 yo) but I thought it would be odd so didn't, now I don't see the friend, her DD doesn't go to same school and I wish I'd given my DD that name. It's DD middle name but no one would know.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 11/03/2017 10:16

I'm still definitely of the opinion you should use it.

For what it's worth, I'd name dd Evelyn or whatever, that way you can still call her Eve. It gives your dd options in later life too.

If dd had been a boy we would have called him Charlie but named him Charles. I also liked Milly but we would have used Amelia / Amelie as an actual registered name.

daisypond · 11/03/2017 10:16

Unless there are exceptional circumstances, like QueenInsomnia mentioned, about a stillborn child, which I can see would be insensitive, I think it's perfectly OK to use the same name as a cousin.

Youallpissmeoff · 11/03/2017 12:40

My nephew has the same middle names as his father and grandfather. However he had got the order of his names wrong throughout primary and secondary school. He only realised when his mum called him by his whole name one day and he did the fake drama thing of "why have you got my name wrong, you don't love me as much as the others...".

It took him a long time to live that down!

Astro55 · 11/03/2017 12:51

why can't two grandchildren with the same name be fine?!

Because one is coincidence the other is choice

tootyflooty · 11/03/2017 13:06

use whatever name you want, if you feel you need to advise her in advance do so, but do not let anyone highjack your name choice, my younger son has the same first name as my older sons middle name, because it worked well as a middle name and first name and was one of my favourites, my daughter has a 2nd cousin of the same first name, and two other cousins who also share the same middle as her.we hardly ever see them and older cousin is in her early thirties my dd is 19, it was just a name i'd always liked. If people want to be petty it is not your problem

UptownFlunk · 11/03/2017 15:08

I still think it's a daft idea when there are so many nice names for girls - who wants to be know as Big Eve or Little Eve or Tall Eve or Naughty Eve or whatever? Surely it's better to have a name that's at least unique within your own family?

UptownFlunk · 11/03/2017 15:09

known, not know

AcrossthePond55 · 11/03/2017 15:18

Well, I think 'Edith Evelyn' has a nice ring to it. And I don't think having the initials 'EEE' is a problem.

Unluckycat1 · 11/03/2017 15:29

I'd think it was really weird, I'm amazed so many people think otherwise. I've never heard of people doing this in real life. One of my children has a name that starts the same way as a cousin's name and I still feel a bit embarrassd about it when there are so many completely different names out there. But the exact same, wow. There must be another that you like?? I would think you were making a point and had been holding a grudge about her using it all this time.

8misskitty8 · 11/03/2017 15:38

My mums brothers called their eldest child the same name. There is a couple of years between them. It's not a family name.

Witchend · 11/03/2017 15:39

I don't usually see a problem with it. But you discussed it, and said you wouldn't. Yes, you're now saying you only said "that baby", but I suspect that's grasping at straws, I'd be surprised if you implied that at the time.

If you'd said yes you would use it for subsequent babies, she might well have said "don't worry, we'll find another", you've denied her that chance now.

They might love having the same name-but might not. Both my dd's have commonish names. One loves having people around with the same name and loves finding a nickname, the other hates it.
I know someone who is still known as BJ, short for Baby Joseph for that reason. he's in his 30s and finds it embarrassing when people ask what it stands for, but he's never moved away from everyone he knows and it always comes back to the same nickname.

Daffodils07 · 11/03/2017 15:42

Just do it, my sil took both of my girls middle names and used that for her girls name Hmm was a bit strange at first but doesn't bother me now.

CheerfullyIndifferent · 11/03/2017 16:01

My grandmother has 3 granddaughters: me, my sister and a cousin named my sister and me - sister's first name, my middle name. My mum was mildly annoyed (probably wouldn't have said no if asked), grandma was Hmm but my sister hates it with passion, even now, 20-odd years later. If it'd been my name, I would have been fine with it, as it's a fairly common name, but my sister's is much less so.

The odd thing is that we have 10 male cousins and not a single name repeated, not even as middle name. This cousin's brother has the most unusual (though not made up) of the bunch. We all got used to it, but the cousin is still called by first and middle name.

CheerfullyIndifferent · 11/03/2017 16:03

*named after my sister and me

Astro55 · 11/03/2017 16:15

My sister named her DS the male version of another's sisters DD - it was really annoying and second sister told her so!

My cousin pinched the name I chose for DD a few months before so chose a different one

There are two camps - those who chose something different and those in the 'you don't own it' camp

Find out which one you friend is in!

She may hate you for it, she may feel happy - you won't know unless you ask!