To think my parents really need to sort their hygiene out???!

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

The last two times we've had a meal at my parents house, DS (4) has had an upset stomach / diarrhoea the next day. It could be a coincidence of course, and I am prepared to give my mum & dad the benefit of the doubt BUT I am really worried it could be because of their lack of hygiene.

Without meaning to sound harsh, their house is 'dirty'. They have a dog and there is dog hair everywhere. Everything also spells (badly) of dogs. They let the dog in the kitchen when they are cooking, it jumps up at the cooker / work surfaces when food is being prepared, and they'll stroke the dog whilst it's around but don't wash their hands before touching food again.
Yesterday whilst my mum was preparing dinner the dog wee'd twice on the kitchen floor!! My mum will also give toys to my DC to play with which the dog has previously chewed / played with!

It's not just the dog either; there is mould in the bedrooms, the bathroom is unclean, and there is clutter everywhere.

It sounds really bad but when we get home after seeing them, we all get stripped off & everything we've worn goes straight in the wash just to get rid of the smell & dog hair!!

I love my parents to bits and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but can't have my DC poorly after every time they cook for us! Like I said, it could just be a coincidence but that aside, I still have concerns over their general hygiene.

AIBU and if not, what can I do about it?

i wouldnt go round as i would feel uncomfortable.

I think I'd just make excuses not to eat there.

Have a general chat about spring cleaning and ask what her plan is? Offer your goals up first!!

My house is hairy and mouldy. We wash our hands though and dogs definitely not allowed to jump up at surfaces. I cannot remember the last time we got ill.

Dog hair and smell won't give you an upset tummy

I had this and I now stay in a travelodge and meet in town for meals. Bliss!

I get that you don't want to hurt their feelings but surely there's a sensitive way of approaching this with them? I would be upset and mortified if my parents lived in a shit heap, moreso because I wouldn't want other friends and family slagging them off behind their back. Avoiding the issue or staying elsewhere will not fix the problem

Are they physically able to give the house a good clean? Could they benefit from/afford a cleaner if not?

What was it like when you were growing up as kids, have they always lived like this?

My daughter is like your parents. I love her to bits, but it turns my stomach at the thought of eating there. She's aware of how I feel. It hurts both of us. We agree we're at different ends of the cleaning spectrum, & she comes to me.

Couldn't you invite your parents for a period of time? Minus the dog of course. If they don't accept, then I'd say they're not being reasonable.

Mold in the bathroom, dog wee on the floors and dog hair everywhere are disgusting but don't cause upset tummies. If something is wrong with the good why is no one else I'll?

Yes dog wee on the floor is gross but if you clean it up quickly with a good quirt of flash bleach it's not going to harm anyone

Dog hair and smell won't kill you. No animal should be on the work surfaces. People should always wash their hands after touching animals.
Offer to pay for lunch out next time?
Invite them to yours?

Why did the dog wee twice on the kitchen floor?! (I know I'm missing the point of the thread)

I know dog smell or hair won't kill us nor cause an upset stomach - I'm thinking the illness (if not just a coincidence) could be more my mum fed the dog some food direct hand to mouth, it linked her, then she touched something DS then are for example.... Or the fact DS was playing with a toy we were later told had been in the dog's mouth earlier!!?!
Maybe DS has a more sensitive stomach than the rest of... who knows!
My mum does have form though- one Christmas the whole family had v & d after she cooked for us????!!

There are other things too like she served up a cheesecake which had obviously been sat on the worktop for a while as it was not chilled (I was a bit reluctant to eat it but did & I'm fine, phew!)

I dont eat or drink anywhere I have concerns about cleanliness. I always make an excuse that Ive eaten or just had a big drink beforehand. Never been a problem

I don't think any of the things you mentioned would cause upset tummies. If your parents generally struggle with keeping the house in a reasonable state though, there may very well be mould in the fridge or food that's not stored / cooled properly.

My parents lived a bit like this. They moved in their mid 50s miles away from us and no local shops.

Things were ok-ish until they got older and my Dad was bed bound.

Carpeted kitchen, plenty of spills, dog etc.

My Mum believed that no food should ever be wasted and so leftovers were always saved to be rewarmed. So cooked, uncooked, mouldy food all in the fridge in random places.

Its no wonder they suffered from more tummy upsets than one would expect.

Fortunately being vegetarian meant we were never offered their old warmed up meat dishes.

In discussing this with my brother and sister we found that we all quietly policed their fridge and chucked a lot out.

Then my Dad discovered Tesco on line. More or less the same order every week, whether they needed it or not. My Mum said what they needed and he typed it in. However her poor eyesight meant that she couldn't easily tell what was needed. Stuff was going off before it'd even been opened.

Much better now. Mum moved near my brother, after my Dad died, in a far more manageable sized house. She goes out to get just what she needs for that day and the next.

My brother has an additional bleach round the house once a week.

We look back on it with a degree of affection - but at times it was a nightmare.

Maybe your parents need some help OP

This thread has made me realise just how neurotic I am.

I feel the same way about my parents home...because my father insists on walking his (outdoor) shoes into the kitchen. To me that is just filthy.

I completely understand OP. My parents are the same. No pets but the hygiene is none existent. My Mum has never been houseproud but now she is in her early 80's it is awful. To give you an example, I went there just after Christmas and there was a poo stain on the toilet seat - it was still there when I went again 3 weeks later. The state of the inside of the toilet and the washbasin has to be seen to be believed. My sibling says it's due to my mothers eye sight worsening - but she doesn't clean at all, so even though her worsening sight might mean she doesn't see every speck of dirt, she MUST know she's not doing any cleaning. She doesn't have mobility issues, it is purely laziness.

I won't eat anything there anymore. I risk a cup of tea, but food, just NO. I have a very compromised immune system that is not likely to improve and I refuse to put my own health at risk. Our relationship is not strong enough for me to discuss it with her, so I have decided that I will just try to avoid being there at mealtimes and not accept cake or biscuits with my coffee on the grounds that I need to lose weight (not a lie!).

I always have cheap disposable plastic gloves in my pocket and I put them on immediately I am in the toilet, then I remove and throw away ASAP. I also have a handcream bottle in my bag that I have re-filled with antibacterial hand gel, which I use after being in their bathroom as my Father does not wash his hands after using the toilet, and my mother NEVER cleans door handles.

Might sound extreme, but the alternative is never to visit. I am very glad I don't have young children to complicate the issue

Admittedly my mum is quite houseproud and her two dogs don't tend to pee on the floor but my 16mo ds loves to invite 'kisses' from the dogs, with a big wide open mouth 🙈. None of us wash our hands every time we touch the dogs. We eat there/stay the night once or twice a week. Ds has never had a bad tummy...

"because my father insists on walking his (outdoor) shoes into the kitchen. To me that is just filthy."

I'd better bow out of this thread

Have they always been like this (and you have just developed a hardy stomach as a result!) or is it a recent change? If its a more recent change, then perhaps the house and dog are getting a bit much for them and they need help. If htey have always been like this, then nothing you say will change them now. From what you have said it does sound more like the latter, and it's just having been raised that way, your body can cope better than DS's, who's not used to it.

I'd go with inviting them to you. Perhaps be half honest "DS always gets ill when we go to your house, I think it might be the dog, it's best you come here."

"I always have cheap disposable plastic gloves in my pocket and I put them on immediately I am in the toilet, then I remove and throw away ASAP. I also have a handcream bottle in my bag that I have re-filled with antibacterial hand gel, which I use after being in their bathroom as my Father does not wash his hands after using the toilet, and my mother NEVER cleans door handles.

Might sound extreme, but the alternative is never to visit"

or to clean the loo for them?

dogs shed
they sometimes pee (although this sounds like they are not taking him out enough)
they wander around kitchens hoovering up spills

thats what dogs do

I would stop eating there. avoid mealtimes. Or offer to treat them to a restaurant meal if you cannot avoid mealtimes. Or fill your ds up beforehand. People do manage to live in the set up you describe at your parents' but if it's making your ds ill you need to put a stop to it.