To think my parents really need to sort their hygiene out???!

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

The last two times we've had a meal at my parents house, DS (4) has had an upset stomach / diarrhoea the next day. It could be a coincidence of course, and I am prepared to give my mum & dad the benefit of the doubt BUT I am really worried it could be because of their lack of hygiene.

Without meaning to sound harsh, their house is 'dirty'. They have a dog and there is dog hair everywhere. Everything also spells (badly) of dogs. They let the dog in the kitchen when they are cooking, it jumps up at the cooker / work surfaces when food is being prepared, and they'll stroke the dog whilst it's around but don't wash their hands before touching food again.
Yesterday whilst my mum was preparing dinner the dog wee'd twice on the kitchen floor!! My mum will also give toys to my DC to play with which the dog has previously chewed / played with!

It's not just the dog either; there is mould in the bedrooms, the bathroom is unclean, and there is clutter everywhere.

It sounds really bad but when we get home after seeing them, we all get stripped off & everything we've worn goes straight in the wash just to get rid of the smell & dog hair!!

I love my parents to bits and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but can't have my DC poorly after every time they cook for us! Like I said, it could just be a coincidence but that aside, I still have concerns over their general hygiene.

AIBU and if not, what can I do about it?

I don't think there is an easy way of telling someone their house, especially the kitchen, isn't very hygienic. It will always cause embarrassment and hurt feelings - if they believe you.

I have this trouble with MIL who is elderly and losing her eyesight, but stopped doing much housework around 25 years ago because "I don't want to do it." (Won't let us help either).
Last time I had a sandwich with her I got jippy tummy so I don't do this now. She doesn't understand why nobody wants to eat/drink with her.

Her latest bout of diarrhoea has led to her being dehydrated - she's now in hospital on a drip - which I predicted - but she wouldn't listen.

Sorry only just coming back to this - remember I have a poorly 4 yr old on my hands (as well as 2 yr old DS).

My parents are in their 60's. They are both active, mentally & physically. They are able to clean if they wanted to. I can't afford a cleaner for myself never mind for them!

And I'm not against dogs at all. Admittedly I wouldn't have one in my house but I do like them. I just don't like them licking any of us, jumping up, being in the kitchen when food is being prepared etc.
Apparently it wee'd inside because it was excited to see us?! It doesn't normally do that and is house trained.

I haven't had chance to read all replies yet but I will and I hope this answers some questions that have been raised...

Oh and as a child I can't remember there being any hygiene issues but I guess I wouldn't have known any different.
The dog is a recent addition (we never had pets as children) and I do think it has added to the problem.
My parents aren't house proud as such and wouldn't see cleaning as a priority but I'm sure having a dog makes things worse.

And they have no vision problems!

I think you have to be straight with them. I'm in my 60s. I'd be upset if anyone got anything nasty from my house. I don't know what kind of a relationship you have with your parents but in your shoes I'd just be giving it to them straight, but in a kindly way.

Tummy bugs can take 2-3 days to perculate. Perhaps it was just a coincidence both times if everyone else was well? I very much doubt that only your son would get food poisoning.

Some kids are just germ magnets and get sick at any opportunity.

ScrapThatThen thanks for your response in particular - I think that is the line I need to take.

I feel I should say or so something, for their sake as well as ours / any visitors. I don't know how they don't get I'll, I guess they are used to it & have tough stomachs!?!

I'm trying to think of other examples as not everything is dog or food related. My mum for example will buy things from a charity which I have absolutely nothing against, but it will be dirty or broken or have something wrong/missing. Like a pre chewed teether or book with pages ripped. Money is definitely not an issue and I'm all for helping out a charity/ reusing things but there has to be a limit!!

Another example is she'll come round to ours, do the washing up (I don't want her to) only to find there's still food / stains on the pans etc. I know she's trying to help but I do just have to wash everything up again anyway.

A final example (for now!) is the area of the garden were the clothes dryer is, is the same area the dog has been trained to do its business!?!

How odd. Seems there is very little support here for the OP.
FWIW I find it revolting that owners allow their dogs to lick their faces and sleep in their beds. Dogs are not humans and although they are usually clean animals they do have shitty bumholes, eat all kinds of stuff outside, and it's not ok to say they don't pass on diseases some of the time.

(Sorry to reply in stages- multi tasking as usual!!)

For those dog lovers/ dog owners out there, I'm not against the dog as such. In fact them having a dog has been great for them. Another member of the family also owns a dog but their house / set up / hygiene seems to be completely different. There is no dog smell or hair, the dog is not allowed in certain areas, it doesn't jump up / lick etc, and the owner ensures it stays away from our DC. I think this is how it should be when they have visitors.

And I don't feel good 'criticising' my parents, in fact I find it really hard. Hence coming on here for advice - I genuinely don't know what to do.

I feel queasy reading about dog hairs everywhere and dogs on the counter. I would not eat there.

my father insists on walking his (outdoor) shoes into the kitchen. To me that is just filthy.

Unless you eat food that has been on the floor, I see no reason not to do this!

I'm afraid I'd be pretty straight with them . I wouldn't be too concerned with a 4 year old but if a had a toddler or crawler I absolutely wouldn't want them on the floor or having contact with toys that a dog has been chewing (no doubt after licking its bum) . I would try very hard to not hurt their feelings but be very honest with the lack of hygiene and dirty house. If they choose to take no notice that's their decision, on the other hand they may not have realised and would be mortified!

I would be straight with them
You're not obliged to be in their filthy home
Re the mould, that can cause illness even if you don't have asthma can't it?
I realise it must be an awful conversation to have but I could not be in that home. It sounds like a couple of student flats I walked in and out of 20 years ago, couldn't even have a drink there, too gross.

My ex MIL is like this. When I first met her she'd just moved into a nice house and was really proud of it after she'd redecorated it all herself. However, she doesn't appear to have cleaned it since I first went, 20 years ago!

She had two cats which she let wander around on kitchen surfaces, which she doesn't then wipe. I found a bowl of maggots in the kitchen, which had been a bowl of cat food. She'd leave cat snacks around on bookshelves, under beds etc. The cat hair gradually covered every surface until I could barely bare to sit down.

Then her partner moved in with his German Shepherd. Dog hair and smell joined the cat hair and smell, it chewed and ripped everything, and the cats were so scared of it they took to shitting indoors in random places. The day I found a cat shit on my pillow, and another under the bed, was the day I refused to go there any more!

She's a lovely lady but has (sometimes severe) mental health problems. She adores my kids, but comes to visit them at my ex's house now as even she knows the house is just not safe for them. It's a vicious circle, she knows it's awful, is too embarrassed to let anyone help so refuses, then gets so depressed about it she can't clean up. Yet she once criticised me for not ironing enough, and almost forcibly dragged my bedding out of the cupboard and insisted on ironing it for me in my on home! Odd priorities. Her clothes are immaculately washed and ironed, but she reeks of stale animal piss.

I am not Mrs Mop by any means, but the thought of dogs licking their own arses (as dogs do) then licking my children's faces/hands/dinner plates makes me feel very ill.

I read it fillysucker - so for three weeks you hovered over the poo stain? Lovely.

Many people are saying that their unhygienic family members are not depressed/do not have vision problems etc. Surely it would be more accurate to say these relations have not been diagnosed with those issues. Sometimes the first sign of a mental or physical problem will be neglect of personal or household hygiene. It certainly was with my great-aunt who was a great housekeeper in her younger days but whose standards dropped markedly as she aged.

No advice, but when I go to my dads, I leave smelling of smoke and damp and dirt. When I leave, off come the clothes, into the shower we all go.

The smell makes me want to heave when I smell it on myself. Sad really, he doesn't realise its a state

I feel for you OP!

But hungry hippo Could you not help your Father in some way ?

I wouldn't want to eat there either. I would invite them round to you instead, just say it's easier with the little one than visiting them.

Thanks hungryhippo90 I guess it helps to know it's not just me!

portiacastis what help do you suggest?

I think my parents would be embarrassed if I said anything and I don't want to offend. They probably don't even see it as a problem, after all they are living like that and choosing to do so.

Not slagging family off on the internet for a start

Lovetonamechange I spotted the stain on one visit - it was still there when I went back for another visit 3 weeks later! Please read my post properly, it was quite clear

Think I'd refuse to eat there, subtlety so as not to offend.

My parents, nearly 80, are not as houseproud as they used to be. My DM even told me today that she is no longer bothered about doing housework. Their house is not dirty, but I notice dust when I go there, which wouldn't have happened some years ago. The bathrooms are clean, as is the kitchen. They just can't be bothered, they're very active, busy, have lots of visitors.