To think my parents really need to sort their hygiene out???!

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

The last two times we've had a meal at my parents house, DS (4) has had an upset stomach / diarrhoea the next day. It could be a coincidence of course, and I am prepared to give my mum & dad the benefit of the doubt BUT I am really worried it could be because of their lack of hygiene.

Without meaning to sound harsh, their house is 'dirty'. They have a dog and there is dog hair everywhere. Everything also spells (badly) of dogs. They let the dog in the kitchen when they are cooking, it jumps up at the cooker / work surfaces when food is being prepared, and they'll stroke the dog whilst it's around but don't wash their hands before touching food again.
Yesterday whilst my mum was preparing dinner the dog wee'd twice on the kitchen floor!! My mum will also give toys to my DC to play with which the dog has previously chewed / played with!

It's not just the dog either; there is mould in the bedrooms, the bathroom is unclean, and there is clutter everywhere.

It sounds really bad but when we get home after seeing them, we all get stripped off & everything we've worn goes straight in the wash just to get rid of the smell & dog hair!!

I love my parents to bits and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but can't have my DC poorly after every time they cook for us! Like I said, it could just be a coincidence but that aside, I still have concerns over their general hygiene.

AIBU and if not, what can I do about it?

or to clean the loo for them?

Freddorika They would see this as a direct criticism, perhaps you didn't read the part of my post that stated our relationship is not strong enough for me to discuss it with them?

I think doggy is a red herring and you've become too focused on him. He's not the problem or the root cause of your DS's illness. Though admittedly dog poo is toxic to children i just don't think it's him. I'm anal about cleaning with 2 dogs. But you will still leave my house with evidence of dog - hair and smell. I personally wouldn't invite you round anymore if I knew you were saying this sort of thing - it sounds more like a vendetta against the dog.

It sounds like the problems are food and general hygiene. Even DP and I have different food standards. I don't keep butter in the fridge (proper butter goes in a dish with a lid in the cupboard). I will keep a lasagne to cool before freezing overnight on the worktop... DP will have a a little meltdown if it doesn't go straight in the fridge.

I won't eat things if it even looks like it's about to think about turning. DP will Hoover up the dregs of the fridge and freezer. We both survive. Your son is probably ill because he's being exposed to things you don't expose him too / your mother isn't airing on the side of caution with him. If I were you I'd take my sons food with me, complete with utensils and claim he's been poorly so you want to feed him that and he's fussy over what plates etc to use.

*dogs shed
they sometimes pee (although this sounds like they are not taking him out enough)
they wander around kitchens hoovering up spills

thats what dogs do*

We have a dog and I'm certainly not anal about cleanliness but...

dogs shed- yes, and you Hoover up after them surely?
they sometimes pee- ours is 7 and hasn't peed in the house since he was toilet trained at around 10 weeks
they wander around kitchens hoovering up spills- sometimes my toddlers will drop some food that the dog will snaffle but otherwise we clean up spills and the dog isn't allowed in the room while we're having meals.

It's possible to have a dog and be fairly clean!

I'm remembering the time one of our cats took a chicken nugget off my DD's plate, she chased it round the house, prised the nugget from the cat and ate it...

You'd hate it in my house, OP. But my kids, brought up with dogs, cats, horses and various outdoor pets, plus a somewhat negligent attitude to hygiene, rarely get ill. It might be that your DC has been brought up with cleanliness and therefore has less resistance? Maybe meet out for meals in future.

Our house is 'doggy' with hair etc, but the dog can't reach the surfaces (and wouldn't dare unless left unattended) so she isn't a food hygiene issue as far as I can tell. You're much more likely to get DV from improperly cooked/stored food than a bit of dog lick. I wouldn't let my DC chew a dog toy or vice versa though, and face licks are discouraged.

My DPs house is immaculate but she cooks things in the slow cooker, leaves them in situ for 2 days and then warms them and eats them. Plus 'this needs eating' comments about obviously off dairy products. I wouldn't eat there when I was pregnant and I won't be letting DCs eat there until their immune systems are up and running.

Sounds like ILs. They and SIL just about keep the bathrooms and all clean, but hoovering properly is a twice-annual activity (by DP and BIL), and every time we visit we remove the dodgiest looking food from the fridge, a mountain of newspapers (MIL can't physically get them outside now she needs two crutches to walk), and clean and repair whatever really needs it.

We don't ask whether they want us to, we just do it. They get in mountains of fresh food for the dcs, but the dcs know not to eat anything unless I say it's OK there (mostly because they don't want to accidentally eat anything with mould on either).

Filly - what would happen if you just happened to clean the loo while in there? Surely they wouldn't admit to having noticed, even if they did?

My Mums place is spotless but she has horrendous food hygiene. I've never got ill but just seeing her pawing at meat when I know she hasn't washed her hands never mind used a nailbrush on her tallons turns my stomach.I on the other hand have a scruffy house and my Mum is always pulling me up about what I think are inconsequential things.

I do avoid eating anyhting she has touched

I wouldn't go
They can live as they please but so can you!

This is always tough since my mum passed away my dad is a messy bleeder but we have a great relationship and I go round and take over helping him with his cleaning he knows my big rule is the front room carpet must be hoovered and he must dust the front room because that's the room my baby plays in when she visits and he has always make sure the front room stays clean and reasonably tidy he wipes over her toys on a regular basis. And he is very particular about wiping any sides or washing his hands before he prepares any food or bottles for dd

My IL's house is much like this. It's grim, but they were really hurt last time DH tried to help (we live in a different country). Mercifully, now that we have children (and my MIL hates, which helps) we don't stay with them when we visit because there isn't room, or we go to the beach house they hire every year which is vast and professionally cleaned.

But are your parents struggling, do you think? In this sort of situation (finances allowing) I would be suggesting that I pay for a cleaner to come in every week or two to blitz the place. And also possibly work out why their dog is peeing on the floor, because I didn't think that was normal (might need vet for UTI etc.).

NotCitrus If I just happened to clean the loo while I was in there, I would be asked why their bathroom wasn't good enough for me. I would also find it scary (due to my lack of immune system) to clean such a germy place with no proper washing facilities for me to use afterwards. The soap has ingrained dirt in deep crevices across the surface. The towel is kept in a heap on top of the toilet cistern and changed probably monthly if that. The basin is ingrained with grey soap scum and the taps are slimy. I won't revolt you by describing the state of the toilet.

My sibling lives in a worse state so can see no problem, so I stand alone in my views.

yanbu
however the dog isn't the problem.
agree with others you should eat at yours or somewhere else.
shame, but if they can't keep a basic level if hygiene you can't risk yourself if dc getting ill every time

I agree with icanteven - would you be in a position to offer paying for a cleaner for them?

I do believe that children should be exposed to some germs to build up a resistance. We have a hairy dog so I hoover at least twice a day and he isn't allowed in the room while we're eating, in fact there is a couple of rooms which he isn't allowed in at all. But the kids cuddle him, smooch him. Having a dog is good for a child's immune system. Read this for some statistics (sorry for linking to the daily fail but you get the gist)

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2170902/Why-dog-childs-best-friend-They-bring-dirt-allergens-boost-immune-systems.html

My parents house is tidy, a bit of clutter here and there but their food hygiene is ridiculous. There is always a funny smell coming from their house too and I always have to wash my kids clothes when they've been there. I did say to my mum once in the nicest way possible "I've noticed there's a bit of a funny smell in here, do you know where it's coming from? I can help you find it/clean it" (was definitely off food/old curry type smell). She took notice that once but it still smells awful, so much so I can actually smell it on them when they visit me.

I have refused to eat anything at their house at all since I saw them defrost a chicken. On a RADIATOR! They have no idea on how to properly store meat, will happily eat things way out of date, and repeatedly reheat meals. They cook meat from frozen or zap it in the microwave first so it's brown on the outside and still frozen in the middle.

They now either get invited to mine, we order a takeaway at theirs or I bring my own food for dc's. I luckily have the excuse that my kids are very fussy eaters.

Bleach.

My SIL is similar. She does have a clean house though but thinks nothing of allowing her dog who's just licked his arse or eaten dog shit in the garden to lick her tongue. She eats crisps and allows her dog to lick the taste off her fingers then takes another crisp out the packet. Fine. Her choice. Except when she asks my kids or me for a crisp. Ew. I say I've had enough and leave the packet with her.

The main issue is complete lack of hand washing. At all. She genuinely acts like we're being ridiculous or precious when we talk about it (she actually prides herself in not hand washing after the toilet, even after a #2). It makes it worse that she buys the value, value range of loo roll that means unless you unroll half a roll, you end up pretty much fingering yourself every time you try and wipe.

My hubby, 3 kids and I get diahorrea (occasionally vomiting too) every single time we visit. Every. Fucking. Time.

I've tried taking over the cooking. We've done takeout only. We've even taken our own foods but it still happens. At some point over the weekend visits, she'll prepare food. And we'll inevitably get sick.

OP, don't be like me. Politeness is all well and good (because she's my DH's problem to sort) but these are your parents. Get them told. Then grab a mop and some Dettol wipes and dig in. Your parents don't see an issue but if you let them know it's affecting their own grandson hopefully they will think about changing their filthy ways.

It does sound like their lack of hygiene is what's making your DS sick. Parents are probably immune to it to a certain extent by this stage so won't see it as much of a problem.

I used to dread going to XPILs. They are born-again hippies who have no refrigeration, heating or running water. Food (including meat, cheese, milk, etc) is stored in filthy cupboards along with gardening tools and random bits of engines. They have an outdoor composting toilet, you wash your hands in a bucket of cold water, and the dog eats off dinner plates which are then be washed in said cold water. Every second morning they chuck a bucket of water on the fire and that is used for washing bodies and clothes (obviously full of ash and totally stinking). It was GRIM, yet PIL and XP used to make out I was being spoilt and precious for not finding it utterly amazing.

Sorry, bit of a tangent there, but YANBU. It's baffling how some people live, and of course it's their right to live as they wish, but it's a bit selfish to expect other people to put up with it.

I'd never eat there again, either by stealth if she's sensitive about it; or explicitly if she's not.

People don't have the right to impose unreasonably low hygiene standards on their guests.

And yes I am likewise fascinated by Mackrel's ex PILs! Bloody loons

Mind you, my MIL is a hoarder and when we visited them over half-term my boys could not use the bathroom attached to their bedroom because it's full of newspaper clippings.

Have they always been lax with hygiene, has it crept up slowly?

I only ask because my MIL is generally houseproud, but lately there are crumbs everywhere and the other day she tried to serve us practically raw pork - her eyesight had deteriorated so much due to cataracts that she did not notice.

She now has an appointment at the hospital to have one of them seen to at least.

This thread has made me all itchy....

katronfon I am probably going to massively out myself here, but here goes...

They live in an outbuilding on a farm. They rent it as a storage unit from the farmer who turns a blind eye to the fact they are living there. They have salvaged some furniture and created a mezzanine level where they sleep (to their credit, it is quite impressive, all things considered) but the 'kitchen' is basically a workbench, where XFIL fixes engines and things. They either BBQ their food or cook using a camping stove. They have a sofa and a woodburner, and sometimes rig up a portable TV using the battery from their van. XMIL's sister lives about 5 miles away so once a week or so they pop by to pick up post and maybe use the washing machine.

It's all a bit bonkers. When I first met XMIL, she was quite normal!

My grandma got like this as she got older. She was very houseproud when younger, I think she just stopped seeing it especially as near vision deteriorates with age. She would go on holiday once a year, my mum would spend the 2 weeks scrubbing. TBF it wasn't a great solution, and in retrospect, I think my mum wishes she had worked harder to get grandma to accept a cleaner.

Another option might be to offer to help out with decluttering a spare room, and give it a good clean when you've exposed the free surfaces. Or extol the wonders of having cleaners in for a big spring clean in your own home, and if they make any positive noises about it, book them a few hours as a treat. Then it's "us" not "them".