Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents really need to sort their hygiene out???!

152 replies

ButterflyOfFreedom · 27/02/2017 10:54

The last two times we've had a meal at my parents house, DS (4) has had an upset stomach / diarrhoea the next day. It could be a coincidence of course, and I am prepared to give my mum & dad the benefit of the doubt BUT I am really worried it could be because of their lack of hygiene.

Without meaning to sound harsh, their house is 'dirty'. They have a dog and there is dog hair everywhere. Everything also spells (badly) of dogs. They let the dog in the kitchen when they are cooking, it jumps up at the cooker / work surfaces when food is being prepared, and they'll stroke the dog whilst it's around but don't wash their hands before touching food again.
Yesterday whilst my mum was preparing dinner the dog wee'd twice on the kitchen floor!! My mum will also give toys to my DC to play with which the dog has previously chewed / played with!

It's not just the dog either; there is mould in the bedrooms, the bathroom is unclean, and there is clutter everywhere.

It sounds really bad but when we get home after seeing them, we all get stripped off & everything we've worn goes straight in the wash just to get rid of the smell & dog hair!!

I love my parents to bits and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but can't have my DC poorly after every time they cook for us! Like I said, it could just be a coincidence but that aside, I still have concerns over their general hygiene.

AIBU and if not, what can I do about it?

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 27/02/2017 13:52

Oh, and XMIL smelt alright (oddly enough she used posh Clarins stuff for her manky strip wash) but I can still remember the stink of XFIL's feet...

Between the BBQs, smoking and the woodburning stove, everything smelt basically of smoke anyway TBH.

katronfon · 27/02/2017 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlElephant · 27/02/2017 14:08

OP I would be concerned if my parents were living like this, have they always lacked hygiene? Do they need support with a deep clean that they can maintain? If they can't maintain it can they afford a cleaner?

welshmist · 27/02/2017 14:15

I think the dogs are a bit of a red herring, I would be more concerned about the food they were producing e.g. how it had been stored how fresh it was. Are they prepping on clean kitchen worktops/chopping boards. Loss of good vision does mean things get grubbier without being visible to some people.

MackerelOfFact · 27/02/2017 14:29

katronfon No, XFIL was XPs stepdad and this only started when he appeared on the scene, about 10 years ago I guess. Before that XMIL had been pretty normal, she would go out and buy Lush stuff for me to use in her bath if I was coming over, so it was a bit of a change!

katronfon · 27/02/2017 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovetonamechange · 27/02/2017 15:15

Who stays at someone's home who is in their 80s and doesn't clean a poo stain for 3 weeks? Unbelievable.

FillySucker · 27/02/2017 15:19

Who doesn't read a full post properly? Unbelievable.

EmeraldScorn · 27/02/2017 15:20

I don't agree that the dog playing with a toy that your children later played with or your mum hand feeding the dog could make anyone unwell - My two dogs like to excessively lick my face, they do it out of pure affection for me and they've never made me sick or anyone else.

They drool all over the wooden floor in the dining room when food is on the go, they sleep in my bed under the duvet, I wash them in my shower, they snuggle with me on the sofa etc and I have never caught a disease/illness from them.

My house is clean, my dogs are trained and they let us know if they need to "toilet" by sitting at the door, I feed them treats from my hand and I haven't developed the black plague, so I really resent some of the things you're implying.

Perhaps your parents need some help with domestic chores and you could offer instead of criticising!

SanitysSake · 27/02/2017 15:50

I'm preggers and reading some of this has literally made me gag!

I'd put your kids in full neoprene body suits with breathing masks the next time you have to go round!

WigglyWooWorm · 27/02/2017 16:14

I would find D reasons not to visit someone who had a dog that drools. It makes my stomach turn.

PollyPerky · 27/02/2017 16:23

I want to know if your home was like this when you were a child OP. lf so do your parents live near you? It may not be an option not to eat there if they are some distance away and you stay for the whole day or longer.

I'd raise it with them. maybe I'm being blunt but if it were my parents I'd tell them that the house was grubby and the Dcs were often ill after visiting. Can't see the point in being silent on it. The are family after all.

JaxingJump · 27/02/2017 16:24

My house is quite clean and tidy but the kids constantly put dog toys in their mouths. Kiss dog on lips (believe me nobody is more unhappy with these things than me). Let to of gross dog things and it doesn't make them sick.

I'd be more wondering about your mum sticking to use by dates on her food?

hollyisalovelyname · 27/02/2017 16:35

OP Were they like that when you lived with them?
When you were growing up ?
If so, you survived SmileSmileSmile.
I know how frustrating it is. I'm in a situation at the moment where different people have different levels of hygiene. It stresses me out so much. I am not in a position to change anything and nobody will up their game.
Some days I could cry.
My friends would NOT consider me to be a neat freak etc. so it tells you how bad the situation is. Sad

megletthesecond · 27/02/2017 16:38

How old are they? They could be starting to struggle with memory or physical problems? I saw it happen to my grandparents, gradual decline and things not being quite right.

ScrapThatThen · 27/02/2017 16:49

I would be straightforward about it and say that ds (and me, if it was me) would not be eating there on the next visit due to upset stomachs twice 'I don't want to be difficult, but I also don't want him to be ill and think he must be picking something up from the dog or something else - after all his stomach won't be as strong as yours yet.' But, painful conversation.

MeadowHay · 27/02/2017 16:58

If it's only recently been a problem (i.e. you weren't brought up like that) I'd try to help them with it/see if you can investigate why it's gotten so bad etc. MIL is a hoarder and her house is also disgustingly dirty. At the moment she seems to be NC with us anyway but before we could visit and would stay over at hers for max one or two nights to be kind (she is disabled). We put loads of effort into sorting the house for her and have done massive cleans of the downstairs areas numerous times but then she just shouts loads of abuse at us after, doesn't let us throw hardly anything out and then doesn't speak to us for three months by which time we return and she hasn't cleaned anything since. It's difficult if they won't admit there is a problem and don't really want help. I mean her situation sounds a lot more extreme than your parents though, but regardless whenever we go over if I use the bathroom I just clean the toilet and sink while I'm there. We have tried to talk to her about how the state of the house means we feel uncomfortable and don't want to stay for extended periods of time but she insists there is nothing wrong with it. She doesn't mention it when we clean her bathroom/wash up etc. Either she doesn't even notice, or she does but is too embarrassed to mention it.

hoddtastic · 27/02/2017 17:05

well filly, you can either leave them in their own shit or have a grown up conversation with them, change the dynamic and help them out or get them some support or slag them off on the internet? Which do you think is more helpful (80+ years of age man. 80)

Liiinoo · 27/02/2017 17:06

FillySucker

Your mum is in her 80s and her not cleaning is 'laziness'. Really? Could it not be that being in her 80s she is too tired to clean. Or too depressed or (as several people have suggested) her eyesight has failed to the point that she no longer sees the dirt.

I quite agree with PPs that it would be appropriate to discreetly clean up for them. I don't see how that will compromise your auto immune system any more than just using the dirty loo would. Put a pack of cleaning wipes in your bag, along with a face mask and while you are putting on rubber gloves to wee take the opportunity to help your parents out.

FillySucker · 27/02/2017 17:11

Liiinoo My mother has no issues with mobility or depression or eyesight. And I yes I have a huge issue with risking my immune system - a terminal cancer diagnosis does rather make one a bit more risk averse

FillySucker · 27/02/2017 17:14

hoddtastic It is a miracle I still have any sort of relationship with my parents after the things they have done to me throughout my childhood. But please do feel free to judge how I behave when you don;t have the full facts.

Not every 80 year old is a sweet little OAP.

PollyPerky · 27/02/2017 17:21

We don't know how old the OPs parents are; she's not come back to her thread Hmm. As their grandchild is only 4, I doubt they are very old grandparents. Mid 60s maybe?

Age isn't a measure always of cleanliness. My parents are 90s and my mum keeps their house immaculately clean though my dad is the dirty one.

TowerOfJoyless · 27/02/2017 17:39

I get where you're coming from OP. My MIL lives in a pretty filthy house, aka Shithole Palace. I stopped taking as much as a cup of tea from her years ago as one cup was crusted round the top with what looked like old digestive biscuit. My SIL tried cleaning her toilet once (which had a second skin on the porcelain), MIL just stood over her the whole time complaining about her doing the cleaning.
If your parents are anywhere near similar, they may just be too set in their ways to want to change.

hoddtastic · 27/02/2017 17:39

i don't think they are all sweet apple cheeked knitting nana's. They are however human beings, so if you can't/wont help them for whatever reason then someone should. Speak to help the aged etc. or local adult soc care locally for them maybe?

PollyPerky · 27/02/2017 17:42

Has anyone actually worked out how old these grandparents are? Why assume they are elderly?

Our family were late starters all round but when my DC was 4 my parents were mid 60s- almost my age now, Certainly not 'old' FFS!