To think my parents really need to sort their hygiene out???!

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

The last two times we've had a meal at my parents house, DS (4) has had an upset stomach / diarrhoea the next day. It could be a coincidence of course, and I am prepared to give my mum & dad the benefit of the doubt BUT I am really worried it could be because of their lack of hygiene.

Without meaning to sound harsh, their house is 'dirty'. They have a dog and there is dog hair everywhere. Everything also spells (badly) of dogs. They let the dog in the kitchen when they are cooking, it jumps up at the cooker / work surfaces when food is being prepared, and they'll stroke the dog whilst it's around but don't wash their hands before touching food again.
Yesterday whilst my mum was preparing dinner the dog wee'd twice on the kitchen floor!! My mum will also give toys to my DC to play with which the dog has previously chewed / played with!

It's not just the dog either; there is mould in the bedrooms, the bathroom is unclean, and there is clutter everywhere.

It sounds really bad but when we get home after seeing them, we all get stripped off & everything we've worn goes straight in the wash just to get rid of the smell & dog hair!!

I love my parents to bits and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but can't have my DC poorly after every time they cook for us! Like I said, it could just be a coincidence but that aside, I still have concerns over their general hygiene.

AIBU and if not, what can I do about it?

got an aversion. Sorry.

I believe that when you love someone you should be brutally honest .... tell them what you think and why you think you rather not eat there if that's how they chose to live. I'm OCD just reading your text made gave me ichting 🙈 Honesty is best. Its not unreasonable of you.
If you are needing gloves to use the loo it sounds more like a health hazard issue than a reasonable not reasonable issue.

I once watched my friends two daughter's 6 and 8 , their house smelled , their toilet was black , the girls little feet were black . The kitchen was gross, I bleached everything and put the girls in a bath , and changed into clean clothes . The kids were neglected and house too. I Bleached walls . She didn't even noticed when she came home, she didn't ever care or bother with the mess, my son then 5 said he would never go back there. We never did. Some people just don't care and you just have to stay away.

The dogs sound disgusting (I'm not the biggest dog fan) but I wonder if the tummy bugs are more likely caused by your parents not bothering too much with washing their hands after the toilet and then handling the food, transferring faecal contamination. The adults may just be more resistant to the particular strain of E.Coli than the 4 yr old. E.Coli is a common cause of tummy bugs with diahorrea and symptoms appear about 24 hrs after infection.

Well we have 6 hairy pets in our household (not inc the OH!) and are a very healthy family who are rarely sick. I sweep through everyday as the dogs shed alot and it annoys me but I am not a cleaning fanatic. I would be concerned about the dog peeing twice on the floor, poor thing may have a problem or is it lack of exercise? Sorry back to post... Washing hands is sensible after handling pets and touching food but I have to admit our family are all guilty of petting our furries and eating without doing (ooops) I personally don't think the muck/dog is the problem perhaps there is something else. After eating at my PIL my OH and I always had stomach cramps and bloating and their house was like Mrs Buckets (keeping up appearances), we put it down to the water! Maybe you could offer to help with a spring clean.

Sympathies OP. I felt queezy just reading your description.
If it was a cafe would you eat there? If not, why would you eat there just because it's your parents home?
Tell them your concerns and let them know you can't risk your son's health anymore............or just don't eat there at all.

Pollyperky, humans have shitty bumholes as well lol!!

FWIW I find it revolting that owners allow their dogs to lick their faces and sleep in their beds. Dogs are not humans and although they are usually clean animals they do have shitty bumholes, eat all kinds of stuff outside, and it's not ok to say they don't pass on diseases some of the time.

I love dogs but totally agree with this.

My dm was the most house proud woman ever. She spent her life cleaning. We couldn't understand it when she became more and more indifferent to hygiene but she was succumbing to Alzheimer's. Maybe there is a health problem lurking OP.

I sympathise OP, and with everyone else experiencing this. Since my DM died (13 years ago) my DF has barely cleaned the house, and although he doesn't have pets he does smoke continually. There are also half done DIY jobs in every room, and the kitchen drawers have tools mixed up with the cutlery.

His idea of washing up is rinsing things under a tap, so all the crockery is slimy. The last time I was there I tried to make a cup of tea only to discover that the tea bags were a decade out of date. It's all pretty grim and quite heartbreaking to think how the place has changed from when DM was alive.

I can't clean because he won't let me - he won't even allow dh and dcs to visit; he comes to us. Occasionally I'm allowed to pop in if I say I'm going to clear out some of the stuff from my old room, so I do that every so often to check things haven't deteriorated too badly. The last time I did so I found a mouse nest in a bedroom drawer - all my keepsakes from uni days were chewed up and weed on. I spent a long time cleaning it all up and binning stuff, with him shouting up the stairs crossly "you're not spring cleaning up there are you?" He refuses point blank to allow a cleaner in 'because he'd have to tidy up and they might go through his things'.

It's so hard. The dc don't understand why they've never been to his house, when they are used to staying with MIL and FIL. I've had to just accept that I can't force him to get his act together, and that all I can do is keep an eye on him to make sure he's relatively healthy.

We have this problem with PIL. It got so bad about five years ago when DH went to stay with them that he finally said something and all hell broke loose.

It has got better since then, but interestingly, FIL now keeps being infected with e coli and getting very sick. I suspect it is because hygiene in the house is poor again.

I do wish people wouldn't say it doesn't matter or its somehow good for kids to be in a dirty house. DH suffered from terrible blepharitis as a teenager because of the level of dust in his parents' home, and it made his teen years miserable.

Tell them.

'I think DCs immune system is a bit fragile as everytime we come, he gets a tummy bug. I'm a bit of a neat freak so he's not used to normal homes. Shall we meet in town?'

then see if they offer to tidy, if not, don't go there until he's a bit older with a stronger immune system.

I think that some of the comments about Fillysucker's situation are a bit harsh. I say this as the daughter of an 80 year old who was always inclined to fly off the handle at any perceived slight and has not improved with age (although she's great in other ways). If Filly's mother had caught her scrubbing the bathroom or got a whiff of Flash after she'd done it, there'd probably be an almighty row and nothing would be solved - the bathroom would be filthy again three days later. It's almost impossible to help elderly people who don't want it.

How about offering to take them out for lunch when you come round? I have a friend whose DM had approximately 14 cats and the house was filthy & animal faeces everywhere. She didn't want to bring her DD round to her DM's house partly because of the animals and partly because the cats triggered her asthma. The compromise was taking her mother out to lunch instead of going to the house.

Yy to what TreeTop said with regards to Filly's mother. I meant to say something along those lines but then just rambled on about myself, sorry. I hope you are ok Filly

I've just finished cleaning all my door handles after my fathers visit- I know he doesn't wash his hands after using the loo.
His house is a state. It's dirty and you wouldn't want to eat or drink there. He's only come to this since becoming disabled- prior to this he had a liveable home.
No matter how much I and other family members offer to clean, it's met with shouting and resistance.
Thankfully he's having a walk in shower put in today, and whilst he was here today I mentioned the cleaning and how my children could help decorate.
For the first time ever he has actually agreed to allow us to clean and decorate the rooms that need doing.
OP it's hard I know. We love them to bits, and it's so difficult to see the state they are in and the behaviours they display, yet we don't want to offend them.
So no advice really, just letting you know you aren't the only one who had problems with their parents hygiene.

did u eat the same thing op or was it something else

u either nee to tell them your dc is ill because of the food or make an excuse to eat there anymore

as for the pp who said wearing outdoor shoes in the kitchen is filthy-you would love my house the front door goes directly into the kitchen! dont worry i dont place them on the counter or anything

I can understand as I absolutely hate poor hygiene. I would approach it sensitively - suggest a cleaner or washing hands after touching the dog. I can't believe someone would actually suggest not visiting. You could go out for a meal or have them to yours.

If dogs/mould/mud and poor hygiene are so good for us why are food premises closed down for such breaches? People are really odd about animals on here

"I don't think any of the things you mentioned would cause upset tummies."

You can't be serious. Before a dog licks your hand it may well have spent ten minutes licking its arse, which means that if you then, without first washing your hands, make someone a cheese and onion sandwich, you are in fact making them a cheese, onion and dogshit sandwich.

To the OP: tell your parents that you will not visit them again to eat a meal until they get their act together on the hygiene front, as you are not willing to risk their grandchildren's health. Tell them about the food poisoning they dealt out on previous visits. They will be horrified, angry and upset. But if they care for their grandchildren they will take your message on board. If they don't, then simply arrange for them to come and see you, or for family meetings on biochemically neutral territory.

Dog hair and dog smell don't make people ill. And mould will only at worse give you a cough that could be a chest infection (personal experience of a damp house). And my kid grew up licking the dog and chewing on the dog toys. Dogs actually have very clean mouths. Chances are it's either coincidence or their cooking. But if their home makes you uncomfortable, then try and avoid staying and eating there. It's not unreasonable of you to feel uncomfortable in a place that doesn't have the same cleaning standards as you.

Reasons not to wear shoes in the house:
www.ba-bamail.com/content.aspx?emailid=24830

My Dad's house is the same. I told my Dad his house needed cleaning because it was in a bloody state! I then booked him a one-off clean with a cleaning company and tried to get him to book a 2-weekly clean at least. He was thrilled but won't keep it up (too tight!). That was my strategy anyway. Be bloody honest! Tell them they 'deserve' a cleaner and offer to find one?

some people are missing the point. OP is not saying dog hair n smell make you ill. she is citing it as examples of poor hygiene. as she has said.
I think the only way to handle it is honestly and gently.
maybe there are some NHS/PHE leaflets on hygiene practices and the reasons why. you could share with her so parents see its evidence based rather than subjective.

there is also the thing that, aside from sickness, its pretty horrid to be in a house thats dirty. makes me itch. MILs house is like that. cat bowls everywhere and it always smells of grease. Dropped a roast on the floor and it came up literally covered in cat hair. and hairs often in the food. urgh. but the kids don't mind and have never been sick when they stay over.

"or to clean the loo for them?"

my thoughts exactly Feddorika !!! last time I went to mums, who does clean but not well, I scrubbed the bathroom for her! she was grateful and i could use it without worrying.

Good link HighInTheSky
I came across that a long time ago and agree with it. Some people don't understand things and pass it off as being nonsense when it actually makes sense. Agree with many who disagree with the terrible hygiene especially when some are just plain lazy to be clean shows a lack of respect for oneself. I can empathise with someone who is much more elderly and/or sick , become disabled, but there's no excuse really for laziness. To me inviting persons into my home and having it cleaned and comfortable is a sign of respect for them. Some have been a bit harsh on fillysucker - just saying. To the OP I think you just need to be jones with them and tell them as a few have suggested, that it's affected your child if that doesn't make a difference then who knows. If it were my parents I'd bring it up.