To think my parents really need to sort their hygiene out???!

[ButterflyOfFreedom]

The last two times we've had a meal at my parents house, DS (4) has had an upset stomach / diarrhoea the next day. It could be a coincidence of course, and I am prepared to give my mum & dad the benefit of the doubt BUT I am really worried it could be because of their lack of hygiene.

Without meaning to sound harsh, their house is 'dirty'. They have a dog and there is dog hair everywhere. Everything also spells (badly) of dogs. They let the dog in the kitchen when they are cooking, it jumps up at the cooker / work surfaces when food is being prepared, and they'll stroke the dog whilst it's around but don't wash their hands before touching food again.
Yesterday whilst my mum was preparing dinner the dog wee'd twice on the kitchen floor!! My mum will also give toys to my DC to play with which the dog has previously chewed / played with!

It's not just the dog either; there is mould in the bedrooms, the bathroom is unclean, and there is clutter everywhere.

It sounds really bad but when we get home after seeing them, we all get stripped off & everything we've worn goes straight in the wash just to get rid of the smell & dog hair!!

I love my parents to bits and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings but can't have my DC poorly after every time they cook for us! Like I said, it could just be a coincidence but that aside, I still have concerns over their general hygiene.

AIBU and if not, what can I do about it?

Is cleaning door handles an actual thing?! Clearly i am a slattern!

So depressing

Fillysucker - less arguing on the Internet and more bleaching.

Tell them you are all gluten free/vegan and will eat before you come.

I'm not snagging them off portiacastis, I love them to bits (which I've already said) and am concerned for them as well as any visitors. I'd like to help but not sure how without offending them. This is the point of the thread - you haven't given any useful tips / advice.

• slagging!!

That is of course if you think IABU- it seems obvious from some replies that some people like / don't mind / choose to live like this.

The thing is, if you say nothing,nothing will change. It's a hard subject to broach,but what's the alternative ?

I think the risk of offence is unavoidable
You may find they defend their position vigorously but that goes back to my earlier post
They have the right to live as they please but you have the right not to visit.

Ask them if they want help with a spring clean & agree a day to assist them do it. Suggest they get a cleaner to keep on top of things? As others have said you can ignore it or raise it, you can't control their actions.

I would say that your DC has picked up tummy bugs & too many times for a coincidence.

lovetonamechange I'm home right now, so very safe from harm - but thank you for thinking of me

A tip I read was that if you phrase getting help as "what they deserve now in life", parents are much more likely to consider it, as opposed to if you suggest they aren't coping.

So trying to persuade your parent who is a danger on the roads to stop driving usually doesn't work. Suggesting that now at their age they deserve to be chauffeured around, and then of course they could have a couple drinks when they go out - here's a card from a very nice cab firm - more likely to persuade them without losing face.

Similar for cleaning - they've done their share, let the young energetic generation do it, and it would be really doing a favour to so-and-so's friend's daughter's friend who's looking for more work...

No-one likes to admit they can't cope, especially when it's true.

Could it just be they are getting old and maybe need a bit of help now. My DH's Mum was Italian, a SAHM cooked everything from scratch, grew veg, had chickens. ASs she got older she lost her mobility, her sight and smell (diabetes). She could no longer smell food to check it was ok, or read the expiry dates. We used to have secret cleanouts of her fridge, Sad.

I really feel for you Butterfly, its a hard thing to do without upsetting anybody. I'm actually a granny myself and my kids criticise me for eating out of date yogurts! I think that Scrapthatthen had the best idea, I'm sure your Mum and Dad would be really upset to think that they might have inadvertently hurt their DGC.

Oh I can sympathise. My dearly missed mum was supremely houseproud and even put me to shame. Door tops dusted and skirting boards polished! Now I'm not expecting my step dad to be like that but ugh!

Limescale everywhere. Laminate floors not washed. Shower mouldy. Toilet.... I could go on. Odd thing us that when she was ill I used to go once a week and blast clean the house whilst caring for her. Have mentioned it. DH and children won't visit.

Always comes once a month to us. Have suggested a cleaner as he can afford it and said he hates cleaning. He said good idea to me and not going to waste money behind my back to my DH!

Technically as mum has passed away. Which makes it super awkward. He lives there rent-free until remarried or dies. It's my sister and mine. DH thinks I should get court order to get him to keep it in the condition it was. !!

When my DS was a toddler I heard a world expert in allergies on radio4... when asked what the best thing could people do to reduce the chances of their children getting allergies she replied... have pets in the house and let them play out in the mud!

My bestie and I, as dog owning, countryside dwelling mudlarks, who would rather do anything than spend our lives constantly cleaning, whooped for joy!

This is exactly like my inlaws but with cats. Meat sat out on the side getting licked by the cats ( I know they are clean animals but they do lick their buttholes!!). Bathroom coated in who knows what. DH and I always have a jippy tummy after visiting. No idea how you'd say something, perhaps something like 'we all need to be careful as DS seems to have a sensitive tummy/immune system'?

If your parents both smoked their heads off you wouldn't take your child there. If their house stinks and is filthy, why would you subject yourself or you child to that?

How did you survive growing up in your parents' house?

Thank you should have diplomatic words! If not, just don't eat there/visit. Tricky one, you don't want to hurt feelings but is that the price you pay for not having your young child heaving his stomach out? I presume they have always been this 'laid back' about housework etc?

Could you call them to let them know your child is ill - just to check that they are both okay after the meal too - in an 'I hope you don't have food poisoning and if you do, is there anything I can do to help/do you need anything' way? Hygiene standards or not, food poisoning is worth flagging to them, as the fact their grandchild is ill could prompt a second look at what they are doing. I grew up in an environment like this (no dogs, but other pets) and both me and my younger sibling suffered allergies and endless chest infections as a result of my hoarder-parents prioritising everything possible above cleaning and throwing stuff out, so I really can sympathise, but where your child is concerned, there is a limit to what can be let go for the sake of hurt feelings.

Golly, my grown up sons and partners probably think the same way about me. I am fairly relaxed about sell-by dates on food, eldest is neurotic. Throws food the second it's past date. If only he knew what he grew up eating! And he's a fine strapping healthy young man now. I also reheat food, sonetime a few times. Use the old fashioned sniff, taste and general look of food to decide whether it's safe or not.

YABU mostly. You have to accept that this is the way they choose to live and if you don't like it, don't visit/or eat there. If they challenge you on this, be honest, I think that would be most helpful in the long run. Also it does seem as others have said, you have not aversion to the dogs.

I used to have a sensitive stomach as a child I would get ill in an environment like that