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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'D'h on a night out by himself

131 replies

soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 02:53

'D'h went on a night out with one mate. That mate messaged me nearly 2 hours ago to say he was going home and that 'D'h was in a bad way but was refusing to go home. I cannot make contact with him and he isn't home yet. I'm very worried about his state of mind as if he was that drunk then what will he be like now. He has history of being hospitalised after a night out.

OP posts:
Original poster
soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 02:54

What should I do?

OP posts:
Hgmother · 19/02/2017 02:59

I don't know what you can do apart from ring round hospitals asking if he's there.
The fact that he has a history of being hospitalised through drink sends alarm bells though, sounds like he needs some real help with that.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/02/2017 02:59

Call the local hospital to see if he's there? Apart from that I'm not sure - sorry.

Is knowing when to stop drinking a problem for him at other times? Or just on a night out? It's very common to have one too many & stumble home a bit late. It's not very common to drink so much you require hospital treatment.

Original poster
soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 03:02

He only drinks on nights out.

OP posts:
Original poster
soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 03:03

He is in a night club by himself when his Mate left. That night club closes at 4.30.

OP posts:
ShouldHaveListenedInBiology · 19/02/2017 03:03

Sorry, have no advice really but just here for a hand hold - you must be so worried. I'd be ringing the local hospitals too since he has form for this sort of thing. Really hope he turns up soon and is ok.

NSEA · 19/02/2017 03:04

I'm aghast hims friend left him. Can you call the nightclub?

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology · 19/02/2017 03:05

Can you ring the club to see if he is still there? I'd be worried that he gets thrown out if if he's in a real state. Any way you could get a cab to go and get him?

DioneTheDiabolist · 19/02/2017 03:05

This is not a case of "what should you do OP. It is about what can you do and what do you want to do.Thanks

ShouldHaveListenedInBiology · 19/02/2017 03:08

They shouldn't be serving him any more alcohol if he's visibly plastered, bear that in mind. What's he like when he is drunk, is he likely to be argumentative/aggressive?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/02/2017 03:11

OK, does he ever stay at the club until 4.30am & then successfully make it home alone? If so, hopefully he'll be back with the milkman. Blind drunk probably but safe nevertheless.

If previous form suggests that once he gets drunk he loses capability to get himself home, I'd be more worried.

If it's the latter though, as a responsible adult, I'd be expecting him to be learning to either stop drinking alcohol or at least know when to stop for the night. He must feel dreadful the next day Confused. I like a drink as much as anyone but honestly don't see the attraction of drinking to oblivion.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/02/2017 03:13

I also don't think that his friend should have left him in that state......

iamanintrovert · 19/02/2017 03:14

Do nothing.

maggiecate · 19/02/2017 03:15

Any way of tracking his phone? Find my phone etc?
Call the club and ask them to look out for him at closing, if needs be to put him in a cab and you'll pay.
You could give the local police station a ring and see if they've picked him up, he might be sleeping it off with them if they didn't think it he was safe, or they could keep an eye out.

Drunks can be like racing pigeons - think about where he's most likely to 'home' to - yours or a mates?

Alwaysbeenwrong · 19/02/2017 03:25

I am ashamed to say that until about 2 years ago, this was me. I am female. I only drank on nights out but I always drank wine. I didn't realise how drunk I was getting. Friends would go home but I thought I was ok and always wanted to stay out. I wasn't looking to cheat on my DH but I just wanted to keep on drinking. I got into some awful messes and didn't go home until the early hours. I caused my DH an awful lot of pain and caused myself massive embarrassment .I didn't cheat but It took me some time to realise how destructive my behaviour was. I stopped drinking wine and changed to shorts and I am a different person.
I can never make up to DH the worry I caused him but I am now a different person and can control my drinking.

Please don't assume the worst.

Original poster
soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 03:35

I've phoned the local hospitals no record of him same with the police. Club isn't picking up. He would come home. Police have took a description and will call if anything comes in that sounds like him. He has never been to this club before. Is normally home by 2.30 at the latest

OP posts:
fullofhope03 · 19/02/2017 03:35

Oh dear, you poor lamb :-( You've got some very good suggestions already so perhaps mingle them together - Firstly, call the club and see if he's still there. If he is, ask them to put him in a cab immediately. If he's not there, call all hospitals and if no joy there, check with the police. And when he is safely back home with you, and he's recovered from the mother of all hangovers, have a serious talk with him about this. Lots of people go out and get a little 'worse for wear' - but NOT so drunk that they require hospitalisation. It's not fair on you, and not fair on our dear, struggling NHS either. Wishing you all the best and sending you a big hug too. PS - I'd also have words with his friend about bogging off and leaving him in that state - Best if he doesn't go out alone with him again. xx

sobeyondthehills · 19/02/2017 03:38

Ring round the police stations and hospitals. Also phone the club give a very good discription of him and if you really want to go there, point out they should not be serving him and if they do it is against the law. Otherwise very little you can do.

His friend was probably fed up, and while people will say they wouldn't leave their friend. There is only so much you can do for a drunk

Original poster
soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 03:42

Police have put a description of him out on the radio and will get to the club asap when there's a officer free.

OP posts:
EmeraldScorn · 19/02/2017 03:50

I honestly would be mortified if anyone was ringing the hospitals and the police just because I was an hour or so later than usual getting home and please do not "ring the club" as others have suggested, that's like your mummy phoning up to check where you are!

If he has form for being hospitalised after drinking socially then perhaps he shouldn't be out drinking; It's horrible to leave a friend in a state but you know what drunk people can be like, there's no reasoning with them.

If I was you I'd go to bed, he'll come home but to be blunt I don't know why you put up with someone who drinks to the point of you having to ask the cops to circulate his description and/or ends up in hospital.

harrypotternerd · 19/02/2017 03:51

you must be so worried OP, don't have any advice but just wanted to offer a hand hold.

Paninotogo · 19/02/2017 04:26

Is he being hospitalised due to his MH issues? How many times has that occurred?

PointlessUsername · 19/02/2017 04:30

Hope you hear from him soon op. You must be really worried.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2017 04:34

soon this sounds horrible. Would he be phoning hospital if you were on a night out? Or would he just go to sleep and hope for the best.

It does sound like a problem with alcohol. I don't think he should be putting you through this.

But I do hope he is OK.

Thanks
cafenoirbiscuit · 19/02/2017 04:46

Any news yet? Fingers crossed he's home x

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