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AIBU?

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Original poster

'D'h on a night out by himself

131 replies

soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 02:53

'D'h went on a night out with one mate. That mate messaged me nearly 2 hours ago to say he was going home and that 'D'h was in a bad way but was refusing to go home. I cannot make contact with him and he isn't home yet. I'm very worried about his state of mind as if he was that drunk then what will he be like now. He has history of being hospitalised after a night out.

OP posts:
RedAndYellowStripe · 19/02/2017 11:10

Oh fgs, can people stop having a go at the OP??

She was clearly VERY worried about her DH, this guy has a history of ending up in hospital so she had very good reasons to be worried.
If the police thought it was an overuse of the ressources, they would have told her. As it turns out, they didn't and said they would be sending someone for him. So the Police clearly thought there was some reasons to be worried.

If you are happy to go against what the Police thinks, then good for you, but don't impose that POV on others.

Fwiw, if I had a go at someone that would be the 'friend' who left someone who totally drunk on his own like this.

RedAndYellowStripe · 19/02/2017 11:11

And I do hope that he is NOT looking after the dcs. He would be still completely drunk and not in a state to look after them.
No way I would put my dcs at risk to make a point.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 11:13

Fwiw, if I had a go at someone that would be the 'friend' who left someone who totally drunk on his own like this

How is that fair? What was he supposed to do with a drunk adult man who was refusing to leave a nightclub? Bodily carried him out, or stayed all night even though he had enough sense to know to go home? Don't be daft.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 19/02/2017 11:16

Did the police actually take your call seriously? WTF?

'Yes 'mam we will send an officer to check a busy nightclub for your darling drunk husband and tell him it's time he was jolly well off'

I don't get it.

Gallavich · 19/02/2017 11:17

I would divorce a man for doing this more than once. I have a history of living with an alcoholic who behaved like this and it's intolerable.
Every adult has the right to get wasted and stay out all night if they wish, but they also need to accept that that is not compatible with being a husband and father. You can get wasted all you like but don't expect to have a wife and kids waiting for you at home.

notapizzaeater · 19/02/2017 11:17

How often does he do this ? I'd be having strong words that involved solicitors divorce grow up ....

The fact that you even thought he could be hospitalised is bad enough - he's a man child who needs to grow up

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 11:17

As it turns out, they didn't and said they would be sending someone for him

If you, and OP, say so. I would love to know which police department that was.

GatoradeMeBitch · 19/02/2017 11:23

FFS - the bloke had a night out. He's an adult, he can come home when he wants.

A) He has a 'history of being hospitalized' when he drinks.

B) The OP was up till gone 5am because she was worried it would happen again.

C) It must be so nice to be a bloke. It's always blokes who get the blokes will be blokes defence. I bet you wouldn't make the same comment if a man had written the same OP about his wife...

Iamastonished · 19/02/2017 11:24

FFS - the bloke had a night out. He's an adult, he can come home when he wants.

DrMorbius so you think it would be OK to do this to your husband Hmm? I don't. It is inconsiderate and disrespectful. He is a married man with children. If he still wants to behave like a single man he should have stayed single.

OH goes out on his own with his mates, but he doesn't:

a) Get so drunk that he ends up in hospital
b) Get so drunk that he misses the last train home
c) Get so drunk that he rolls in at 5am and doesn't let me know where he is and why he is so late.

He is a responsible grown up who enjoys a few drinks, but knows when to stop.

HerOtherHalf · 19/02/2017 11:27

I share their anger but it's not the op's fault nor her responsibility

He's a repeat offender so she's let him away with it several times before. There's no indication from her posts that this is the last straw so it seems fair to conclude she is going to continue tolerating it. His behaviour is not her responsibilty but continuing to expose herself and her children to it is.

Fighterofthenightman · 19/02/2017 11:31

I'd say exactly the same to a man posting about his wife. It's not about men being allowed to do what the fuck they want, there are many issues here that the OP needs to talk to her DP about.

People aren't saying it's fine, they're saying wasting NHS and Police time is OTT.

Iamastonished · 19/02/2017 11:31

Christ some of you are horrible.

I agree. What is wrong with you people who think that his behaviour is OK Hmm?

RedAndYellowStripe · 19/02/2017 11:32

Did the police actually take your call seriously? WTF?

I always find it fascinating when people on MN think they know better than anyone else, included the Police or 999 or A&E doctors.

UNless you think that the OP is lying of course.

Fwiw I would be very careful about telling someone that the Police would never take such a call Serioulsy etc... in the same way that I think it not appropriate for someone to tell a poster she shouldn't call an ambulance when a doctor has told her to do so (or that it was the right thing to do).

Because what will happen next is someone not wanting to disturb the Police or a doctor and someone dying because of it.

And then what next? Will you tell that person that they were stupid for not ringing them?

RedAndYellowStripe · 19/02/2017 11:35

It's not up to the OP to decide if she is wasting the the Police time. It's up to the Police to do so.
Same with A&E, out of hours doctors etc...

If the OP was asking for something that isn't possible, I'm sure she would be told so.

As far as I know it's the people on the ground that are overstretched. No one has ever been told off for ringing because they are concerned.
Whether some actions are then taken is a totally different matter.

Don't confuse ringing for help and said emergency body GIVING the help.

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/02/2017 11:40

That's rather hyperbolic, RedandYellow.

Also I always find it fascinating when people on MN think they know better than anyone else, included the Police or 999 or A&E doctors

Police and doctors and emergency workers are on MN too! Which is perhaps why they are suggesting this does not sound altogether likely as a scenario.

BlueFolly · 19/02/2017 11:43

The main reason this wouldn't have happened to a woman is that a woman's friend wouldn't have left her.

Getting that drunk is not something grown ups do. Only idiots

One can be a grown up and occasionally idiotic.

glitterazi · 19/02/2017 11:50

Farkin' 'ell. He's got mental health issues, could be depressed or overworked from ONE night out on the town, and you should be divorcing the bastard. Only on MN Grin
Has the OP said it's a regular occurrence anywhere? No, I don't think so.
Yes he was a monumental idiot and I seriously wouldn't be impressed if my DH did that, I'd be telling him not to worry me like that again and get his arse back/contact me but the police? Seriously?! They honestly came out because a grown adult was late getting back from the pub?! Confused
If the club shut at 4am like you said, you said he was back by just after 5am!! How on earth does that warrant police intervention?!
Barking thread.

glitterazi · 19/02/2017 11:56

Sorry, the club shut at half 4 and he got a taxi and was back for approx 5.15.
So must have come straight home after it shut.
He's a twat for not contacting you and also staying out all night, but if I'd gone on a night out and had my DH ringing round hospitals and police stations leaving my description a good couple of hours before the clubs even shut, I'd be a bit Confused

Iamastonished · 19/02/2017 12:01

"but if I'd gone on a night out and had my DH ringing round hospitals and police stations leaving my description a good couple of hours before the clubs even shut, I'd be a bit"

Even if you came home several hours after he expected you to?

I would be extremely worried if OH decided to roll home at 5 am without contacting me first. It is something her has never done to me.

He has history of being hospitalised after a night out.

The OP said this ^^. How come so many negative posters have missed it?

Gallavich · 19/02/2017 12:05

Has the OP said it's a regular occurrence anywhere? No, I don't think so.

Yes!

BlueFolly · 19/02/2017 12:05

He has history of being hospitalised after a night out

Depends how often it has happened. Once is a mistake, twice or more is a 'history'.

Redglitter · 19/02/2017 12:16

I can't believe the police acted on this? A man is an hour let getting home from a club that's still open and they put a description out of him and send someone to the club? Crazy.

Once a call like this is logged Hmm then a circulation on the cops radios is the norm. It takes 20 seconds to do and reassures the person who's called. With regards attending the club that could happen. The cities in our force have a specific policing plan at the weekend and most of the clubs are covered by officers. Not at all unusual for the ones who cover a specific club to offer to go and check under the circumstances. They'll be there or there abouts anyway. Could be she was just lucky it was a Sat night

That would be all the action wed take. The OP would then be told to phone back much later if he still hadn't shown up.

Butterymuffin · 19/02/2017 12:59

Someone who 'has a history of being hospitalised after a night out' should accept that they really need to take better care of themselves, for other people's sakes as well as their own. This guy sounds like he's doing the exact opposite. That's crap for his wife and children. And all the 'he can decide for himself' stuff - he clearly either can't, or he makes bad decisions. Totally agree with expat about the double standards brother this.

Butterymuffin · 19/02/2017 12:59

Double standard about this, I meant.

hollyisalovelyname · 23/02/2017 08:52

OP
Have you spoken to him ?

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