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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'D'h on a night out by himself

131 replies

soontobemrsmckeown · 19/02/2017 02:53

'D'h went on a night out with one mate. That mate messaged me nearly 2 hours ago to say he was going home and that 'D'h was in a bad way but was refusing to go home. I cannot make contact with him and he isn't home yet. I'm very worried about his state of mind as if he was that drunk then what will he be like now. He has history of being hospitalised after a night out.

OP posts:
disappearingfish · 19/02/2017 08:23

I don't think it's acceptable to put the whole family out for your piss up session - passing out on the sofa, being incapable of looking after your young kids the next day, expecting your partner to just pick up the slack. It's selfish and immature.

Unfortunately our society is so awash with alcohol some people see getting drunk as some kind of universal human right.

SangtheSun · 19/02/2017 08:25

Why wouldn't she be worried when has previously got so drunk he was hospitalised? Which is why his friend called the OP I should think.

Somehowsomewhere · 19/02/2017 08:25

Yeah everyone is entitled to go out and let their hair down. But to render themselves incapable of child care the next day and expecting their partner to pick up the slack isn't on.

junebirthdaygirl · 19/02/2017 08:30

If it was a first it wouldn't be so serious but if someone is hospitalised after a few drinking session it's time to call it a day as alcohol doesn't suit you. A person is a problem drinker if their drinking causes problems in family work or just generally. This is the case here. Help for a drinking problem eg AA or out the door.

cookieswirls · 19/02/2017 08:43

DrMorbius are you the op's husband ?

PollytheDolly · 19/02/2017 08:52

I'd be relieved he's back safe....and bloody furious!

StarryIllusion · 19/02/2017 08:54

She wants to go downstairs? Lovely. Hand her a couple of saucepan lids and tell her to crack on then. His head isn't her problem.

DameSquashalot · 19/02/2017 08:56

*I don't think it's acceptable to put the whole family out for your piss up session - passing out on the sofa, being incapable of looking after your young kids the next day, expecting your partner to just pick up the slack. It's selfish and immature.

Unfortunately our society is so awash with alcohol some people see getting drunk as some kind of universal human right.*

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

hollyisalovelyname · 19/02/2017 08:57

'Btw his mate is a knob for contacting you Op'

I thought the opposite.
His friend tried, but failed to get him to go home.
He was concerned about him but you can't reason with a drunk.
Your dh/ dp needs to face up to his responsibilities.
Could his friend have a quiet word later today when he wakes up and call it as it is.
I'm glad he's home safe OP.

haveacupoftea · 19/02/2017 08:59

For Christs sake who wouldnt be worried if their partner didnt come in until half 5 in thr morning?! I'd love to see how the husbands of mumsnet would react to that one - half of us would probably end up divorced Angry

OP you need to make it clear that if he does that again he will no longer have a wife and family to come home to. This isn't telling him what to do, it's giving him a choice. His choices are act like a fucking adult and keep his wife. Or stay out all night and get a divorce.

user1471545174 · 19/02/2017 09:01

I'm also sick of reading threads like this. Poor OP. I told DH when we were new that this would be a relationship-breaker. He's done other things but never this. Put a stop to it, OP, how dare he do this to you?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/02/2017 09:02

Night out isn't the issue.

The issue is the history of being hospitalised after going on nights out. That's not bloody normal. So it's understandable that OP was worried out of her mind. Also I really don't think it's normal to go out and get so hammered that you're out of action for the entirety of the next day. That's not fair on OP or the kids. If it happened once in a blue moon, but it sounds like a regular occurrence.

He sounds like he has a drinking problem.

brummiesue · 19/02/2017 09:03

How often does this happen? If its just a once every couple of months thing then you maybe should relax a bit. Everyone is entitled to some time with their friends! No he shouldn't have gotten so blind drunk but his mate should not have worried you. He would have gotten home eventually. You don't know he will be useless all day, let him sleep this morning then let him take over this pm so you can have a nap. In the nicest possible way everyone is entitled to a life outside of work/home/children Smile

HollyJollyDillydolly · 19/02/2017 09:03

Glad he's home. I think underneath where he's sleeping needs a good hoover?! Is he driving to the swimming lessons, will the alcohol be out of his system?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/02/2017 09:04

A lot of people on here like to act as if they're so laid back and relaxed about everything. When in reality I doubt they would be so chilled out when faced with the same scenario.

Leggit · 19/02/2017 09:05

I would have been worried but I wouldn't phone the police at that stage. I mean what did you say OP? That your husband was in a club and he was drunk? I can't quite see how this was a police matter. I suppose and hour or so after closing time it's fair enough to be slightly concerned but before that? Not so sure. All I see is a bloke that went out on a bender tbh - yes it's not ideal and excessive drinking is a problem, but a mad night every now and then is surely accepted on both sides?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/02/2017 09:07

brummiesue you're right - everyone does have a right to life outside of work/home/children.

Including OP, who now will look after the kids all day because her alcoholic husband is laid up on the sofa.

When you have kids/a job/a home life, there is a certain expectation and understanding that you can't behave like you did when you were single/teenager/no responsibilities etc. Most people, when they have kids, think "I can't go out and get blind drunk because i have to look after the kids tomorrow". That's just life.

It works both ways. Why should one person pick up all the slack because another person wants to act like this? He has a history of doing it - it's not a one off.

brummiesue · 19/02/2017 09:09

And how do we know he will be on the sofa all day? It hasn't happened yet. Both myself and my husband manage to get up and share childcare after we have been out drinking, its not impossible to do

fullofhope03 · 19/02/2017 09:11

SO pleased that he's finally home. Do hide the painkillers ;-) If you can afford to, perhaps go out for a lovely lunch today with the children. HE can pay for this and you won't have to slave over a hot stove. Also, agian, if if money allows, arrange a night out, or even better a weekend away with friends. I hope that you get some time to do things for yourself regularly. And have a calm (I know, hard thing to do under the circumstances) talk with him. When he's recovered. Maybe not today, but tomorrow for sure. Wishing you and your family ALL the best. xx

hippyhippyshake · 19/02/2017 09:13

A history of hospitalisation? I hope you got sent the bills. What a fucking waste of NHS resources.

BusterTheBulldog · 19/02/2017 09:21

I can't believe the police acted on this? A man is an hour let getting home from a club that's still open and they put a description out of him and send someone to the club? Crazy.

DameSquashalot · 19/02/2017 09:22

DH used to do this. It is really worrying when someone you love is out, absolutely hammered, and you can't get hold of them. Anything could happen. After the second time he was out all night with no contact, I had strong words.

I was was pregnant at the time and absolutely exhausted, but he was out until 5/6 in the morning and I'd had no sleep during that time. It was during the week so I still had to go to work.

I didn't make a decision to worry. I couldn't help it.

Of course adults can go out and have fun and come home when they want to, but they need to respect others.

Anyway, after our 'chat' he didn't do it again.

TENSHI · 19/02/2017 09:24

Sounds like mental heath issues to me to get that drunk, especially for an adult. I don't believe an adult can be that monumentally selfish and irresponsible with such disregard for their health, especially if they have dependants, without having a disease like alcoholism and/or a poor state of mental health.

I wonder what the root of the problem is? Is he depressed/overworked?

nachogazpacho · 19/02/2017 09:26

He has got an alcohol problem.

What is he like generally - is he selfish in nature or only when booze is involved. If the former he is unlikely to see the need to sort it. If the latter then he needs to get some help to stop drinking himself into the hospital/so drunk he is incapable of being dad.

nachogazpacho · 19/02/2017 09:29

I suspect the police were trying to reassure the op.