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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being grabby?

148 replies

winefixeswhine · 09/02/2017 07:31

I'm having a joint birthday party for my 5 and 2 yr olds. I was going to make cute joint invites with "x is 5, y is 2" theme but my mother thinks people (particularly school friends) will decline because they will think I expect two gifts. This hadn't crossed my mind and my Mum has form for assuming she's being taken advantage of by all people at all times, so aibu to put both children on all invites?

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 09/02/2017 07:32

Put them both on it, and put 'no gifts please' at the bottom...

Brokenbiscuit · 09/02/2017 07:33

I think some people will feel obliged to bring presents for both if you put that on the invitations, so while not intentionally grabby, it could come across that way. I'd be inclined to do separate invitations for each group of friends.

wettunwindee · 09/02/2017 07:34

I don't think people would decline because of this and have no idea if I'd give two gifts let alone if I'd think you were being grabby.

I think I'd send different invites simply because it makes sense, even for a joint party.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/02/2017 07:35

I think you need to do it as

Please come and help celebrate X and Y's birthdays on ......

Putting "X is 5 and Y is 2" sounds like you're touting for age appropriate gifts for each of them.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 09/02/2017 07:36

I had a joint party when mine turned 4 and 2. I wrote both names on invites to family and close friends but only my 4 year olds name on the invites to her preschool friends

Rainbowqueeen · 09/02/2017 07:37

I would do 2 separate invitations, one for the 5 year old saying please come and celebrate DCs birthday with a little note at the bottom saying ps DC2 is turning 2 and will be having a few friends along to celebrate his birthday.

Then an invitation saying the opposite for DC2.

Then I think people will realise they need only bring a gift for one DCbut will know that the other DC is also celebrating and to expect a wide range of kids there

EssieTregowan · 09/02/2017 07:38

We had a similar invitation. I bought a token gift for the younger one and the mum was surprised and said we shouldn't have.

It was very ambiguous though. I think I'd send separate invitations to the school friends just about the five year old.

MsVestibule · 09/02/2017 07:46

Yep, I'd go with rainbowqueen's suggestion.

KoalaDownUnder · 09/02/2017 07:49

It would not cross my mind to think you were touting for gifts! Confused

diymania · 09/02/2017 07:55

I would make the invite with...

[Name of 5yo] would love to invite you to her birthday party.

And as a title I would have 'please come to name if 5 yo and 2 yo's party!'

If I received that I would assume that as my child was receiving a specific invite from the 5yo or 2 yo that I would only need to buy gift for the one child. If I knew both kids I would buy one for both. Don't think it's grabby!

picklemepopcorn · 09/02/2017 07:55

So, would you expect people to turn up with two gifts? I think it is better to be clear. Separate invites, no embarrassment or uncertainty on either side.

Boulshired · 09/02/2017 07:57

I would not take the invitation as you expecting two gifts but I would be obliged to buy two. I would also feel crap to turn up to a party and not have a gift for a two year old who might not have the maturity to deal with the older child receiving more when they are sharing the event.

NataliaOsipova · 09/02/2017 08:08

I'd do what you were planning to do - it avoids confusion. And I don't think you'd think "two gifts, I won't go" even if you were worried about the cost. You'd buy a less expensive gift for the birthday child who was your child's friend and a very small gift for the sibling.

UghUgh · 09/02/2017 08:13

I think some people will feel obliged to bring presents for both if you put that on the invitations, so while not intentionally grabby, it could come across that way. I'd be inclined to do separate invitations for each group of friends.

I agree with this. There is no need for the friends of the 5 year old to know in advance that it's the two year olds birthday.

I had the same thing with my DC and joint parties and always did separate invitations.

HandsomeDevil · 09/02/2017 08:13

I'm sure no-one will decline because they think a second present might be needed.
People will either buy just for the kid who's invited them, or divert some of their budget towards a token present for the other one.

PeteAndManu · 09/02/2017 08:15

I have twins and we did joint class parties I did separate invitations to avoid any confusion. When we've been to joint parties they have been invited by one child. It keeps the cost down for people coming and we didn't end up with loads of presents.

oleoleoleole · 09/02/2017 08:16

Can you word the invite such as A is having a party and would like to invite Z or B is having a party and would like to invite Y and somewhere else on the invite put A is 10, B is 8 or similar. Therefore making the invite individual but it clear that both boys are having a joint party.

Olddear · 09/02/2017 08:17

I would feel i had to bring two gifts.

HollySykes · 09/02/2017 08:18

I have two dcs who's birthdays are close to each other and did joint parties, on the invitation I wrote "Bob would like to invite you to his partly held jointly with Gloria" and vice versa. We never got two gifts.

Enelya · 09/02/2017 08:20

Oh heck, we are invited to a party this weekend which is shared with a younger sibling. It hadn't occurred to me I should take 2 gifts! The younger sibling is 1. Do I really need something for them as well?

user1477282676 · 09/02/2017 08:21

Separate invitations.

GloriaGaynor · 09/02/2017 08:25

I think everyone's entitled to know what kind of party they've been invited to. I'd want to know it would contain 5 year old and 2 year olds.

It would be odd turning up to a party as an adult unaware that it was a joint party.

It would never occur to me that putting their ages was in any way touting for gifts.

Lesley1980 · 09/02/2017 08:43

My daughter was recently invited to a joint party & I bought a gift for the 4 year old friend & her 1 year old sister. It didn't occur to me to cancel but I did feel I had to buy 2 gifts.

GrumpyOldBag · 09/02/2017 08:45

if it's a joint party then it should be one invitation, mentioning both DC and the ages they are going to be.

It's entirely up to the guests whether they want to bring a present for the child who is friends with theirs, or both.

2 invitations is just weird. And you do not sound grabby.

have a lovely time.

paxillin · 09/02/2017 08:48

I wouldn't decline, but I would feel I have to bring two gifts.

Why do the friends of the 5yo need to know it is the 2yo's party, too and vice versa?

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