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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being grabby?

148 replies

winefixeswhine · 09/02/2017 07:31

I'm having a joint birthday party for my 5 and 2 yr olds. I was going to make cute joint invites with "x is 5, y is 2" theme but my mother thinks people (particularly school friends) will decline because they will think I expect two gifts. This hadn't crossed my mind and my Mum has form for assuming she's being taken advantage of by all people at all times, so aibu to put both children on all invites?

OP posts:

whateverandever · 10/02/2017 18:24

I have the same gap as you.

The 2 year old won't care this year. I did the party for the 5 year old and invited her classmates with only her name on invite. Then for a couple of closer friends with a younger sibling I invited both and put both our DC's names on.

In future years I intend to continue with joint parties but have separate sets of invites from each child individually.

Watfordhomeopath1 · 10/02/2017 18:28

I did exactly this a few years ago and didn't even think about the gifts - but everyone did come with gifts for both so I made sure on the birthdays of the guests I gave them presents from both my children. Since then I've always written separate invites individually to their own friends whenever we've had joint parties.

Sparklyglitter · 10/02/2017 18:45

I wrote that my kids were having a joint party but worded it that either daughters name or sons name had asked that particular child. As personally I prefer to know if it's a joint party and haven't known before and felt embarrassed turning up with only one present. I tend to spend more on the child I know, but like to bring something for the other child too. Have a fun time!

NewPuppyMum · 10/02/2017 19:13

My DD was invited to a three way joint party. The mums said please just one present and the children would share them. Brilliant idea.

NataliaOsipova · 10/02/2017 19:17

My DD was invited to a three way joint party. The mums said please just one present and the children would share them. Brilliant idea.

My DD was invited to a similar party (unless it was the same one, NewPuppy!) and I agree, it did seem like a good idea. I suppose it assumes there will be a present, but as people always will bring them anyway, it quashes any notion of needing to bring three!

NewPuppyMum · 10/02/2017 19:21

It was quite a few years ago now.

GreatGardenstuff · 10/02/2017 19:26

We've had a couple of joint invites where it stated to only bring a present for the child your child is friends with. That seemed to clear things up.

venys · 10/02/2017 20:02

Oh gosh I have just sent invites for my 3 kids joint party. I have said no presents but I know some people ignore that. I hope that it doesn't cause confusion as I don't know any of the DS1s classmates that we have invited!! Gah..

Floggingmolly · 10/02/2017 20:05

Do all three of your kids share a birthday, venys?

kierenthecommunity · 10/02/2017 20:12

If it was classmates having a joint party I'd buy for both, as if they'd had seperate parties you'd be buying two presents anyway. I don't think I would for a younger sibling though (unless I was friends with the parents) as id assume there were two year olds invited whose parents would be buying gifts for them

Superwomaninmysparetime · 10/02/2017 20:19

I think separate invited for each child's friends- I know you hadn't thought about it especially as they are siblings, we have gone to several joint sibling, joint friends in same class and joint twin parties.. and I feel obligated to buy 2 gifts each time- as the invites state both of the child's names..I sometimes feel it's half the cost for parents who split the bill with classmates but double the cost for children to attend!!

venys · 11/02/2017 00:22

No Floggingmolly, but a few weeks apart for all 3. They are young enough we can get away with it this year, but probably not in future.

Bananamama1213 · 11/02/2017 00:40

We went to a joint party back in December... it was for a boy in my sons class and then his friend from another. We didn't know the other boy..

They had written XXXX and XXXX
But left a dotted line saying "you have been invited by XXXX. Please don't feel you have to buy presents for either child, your presence is enough"

gemmagemma16 · 11/02/2017 01:47

Yawn no one cares just do what you want

Pocketangel · 11/02/2017 04:25

I (and my 1 yr old) were invited to a joint first birthday party of my friend's child and her friend's child. I've only met her friend and child once so only took one gift for the child I knew. No one expected anything different.

ginandcake · 11/02/2017 04:31

DD is going to a joint birthday party for two nursery friends this weekend. The invitation says either to not bring a gift, or if you do bring one unlabeled (ie not addressed to either child) and they will share them out.

Noodlebugs1981 · 11/02/2017 09:21

Not grabby at all...just having a lovely party for your two kids! Think it's a bit weird that people would decline because it was joint!

mammmamia · 11/02/2017 15:05

I am amazed people think this is grabby. I have twins and they've had joint parties so far. Would be pretty bizarre to send separate invitations, besides they have quite a lot of the same friends. I have tried to say in the past not to bring gifts for both children. Some people do, some don't. It's entirely up to the individual.
For joint parties between class mates here people tend to buy a gift for each child but the party bags tend to be pretty substantial if there are say 3 kids sharing the party. I do prefer the idea of bringing one gift and the DC share them out.

SashaE80 · 11/02/2017 15:50

This often happens around here. Just put "Double the fun, not double the presents!" and i'm sure most people will be fine.

ittakes2 · 11/02/2017 17:29

I did the invite the whole class thing for my twins in reception.
Although as they were in different classes it meant having 2 parties with 31 children in each.
I wrote the invites please come to X & Y's party.....the whole present thing never occurred to me. To my surprise, every child very kindly bought two presents each - and my children had over 60 presents each to open! I was really shocked at the huge pile of presents they had at the end of the day.
So to solve the problem, from that year on, whenever I have had a joint party - my children would identify which friends they want to come and then the invites would only include the name of the twin linked to that particular friend.
There are a couple of mums who still very kindly bring a present for each twin, but for the most part the mums just bring a present for the twin their child is friends with.

florencebabyjo · 11/02/2017 20:02

Not grabby at all. I have joint birthdays for mine. They are born 3 days apart and there is 3 years difference. Most people bring presents for whichever girl they are friends with and some bring two gift. People have never been offended and all have turned up to the repeat party the next year. People often over think these things, you're never going to please everyone so just send out the invites and enjoy your day xx

iveburntthetoast · 11/02/2017 20:05

Dd1's friends once had a joint party for 4 of the girls. I felt a bit unhappy at buying so many presents.

mammmamia · 12/02/2017 21:05

So did my dd's friends. I bought smaller gifts than usual but still something nice. The four mums however had obviously thought about this and had spent a lot of money on amazing party bags. Personally I'd rather they'd asked us to bring one gift which the girls would share out and had a token party bag. Less money spent all round.

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