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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being grabby?

148 replies

winefixeswhine · 09/02/2017 07:31

I'm having a joint birthday party for my 5 and 2 yr olds. I was going to make cute joint invites with "x is 5, y is 2" theme but my mother thinks people (particularly school friends) will decline because they will think I expect two gifts. This hadn't crossed my mind and my Mum has form for assuming she's being taken advantage of by all people at all times, so aibu to put both children on all invites?

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 09/02/2017 09:00

My DD was invited to a joint party and the invitation said "Please only buy a gift from the child who invited you."

So DDs invitation had one child's name on it ...eg...the party girls were Becky and Molly...the invitation said

"Becky and Molly are turning 7, Becky would like to invite DD to the joint party"

Then on the back it said "Please only buy a gift for the child who invited you.

Floggingmolly · 09/02/2017 09:03

For the school friends, I'd do separate invitations for the 5 year old making no mention of the fact that he's sharing the party with his little brother.
It's not relevant.

SolomanDaisy · 09/02/2017 09:03

It wouldn't occur to me that anyone would hold a kid's party for the presents.

NoelHeadbands · 09/02/2017 09:04

I wouldn't put anything about buying a gift on an invitation unless it was to say don't!

OP I don't think you're being grabby, but yes I would feel I had to buy two presents

MuseumOfCurry · 09/02/2017 09:06

It wouldn't occur to me that anyone would hold a kid's party for the presents.

This. I wouldn't devote too much bandwidth to this situation.

emmyrose2000 · 09/02/2017 09:12

For the school friends, I'd do separate invitations for the 5 year old making no mention of the fact that he's sharing the party with his little brother. It's not relevant

Exactly this. ^

For any mutual friends/family, the invitation can mention both DC. But if someone's only a friend of the 2 year old, only mention the 2 year old's info on the invitation. Ditto the 5 year old.

If my school child received a joint invitation from both the 5 and 2 year olds, and we didn't know the 2 year old, I'd think it was really odd.

MidniteScribbler · 09/02/2017 09:13

A joint birthday party between a 2 year old and a 5 year old sounds weird. There's such a huge difference in age. Why can't the 5 year old have his own party?

xStefx · 09/02/2017 09:16

Not grabby, if their birthdays are close together it would make sense to combine.

xStefx · 09/02/2017 09:17

emmyrose has a good idea there

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 09/02/2017 09:20

I have twins, and at their old school they were in the same class with the same friends, so I obviously did a joint invitation and they usually got a gift each. Now that they're in separate classes with different friends I'll have to think about the situation more (thank goodness for threads like this one Wink).

If I received an invitation to a joint party like yours, I would assume I would only buy a gift for the child my child is friends with. It probably wouldn't occur to me to buy a gift for the other one, as my child won't know him/her.

toomuchfaster · 09/02/2017 09:32

We've had an invite for DD for a party like this and I had planned on a joint gift. Best of both?

Talith · 09/02/2017 09:33

I would take gifts for both and not think you were grabby. We have been to lots of joint parties and twins parties. I don't think putting ages on increases the grab factor. I do this on invites all the time.

BeMorePanda · 09/02/2017 09:37

If I were a relative I would bring 2 gifts.

If I was a school friend it wouldn't even occur to me to bring 2 gifts.

Having a few people not coming is all a bit of a relief IMO (but I always tend to over invite)

whatsagoodusername · 09/02/2017 09:39

We did this with similar wording when my DSs were 4 and 5.

Some turned up with gifts for both boys. Some turned up with joint presents. Some turned up with gifts for the child they were friends with.

HyacinthsBucket · 09/02/2017 09:41

Separate invites - I've done several joint parties as my youngest two have birthdays 3 days apart, and it was much easier when they were young. But do the invites for each set of friends. Saves anyone stressing about double gifts then.

Hrre · 09/02/2017 09:44

Why shouldn't you expect gifts for both? Don't you give gifts for other children's birthdays or does this not happen anymore?

gandalf456 · 09/02/2017 09:48

No, you're not being grabby having a joint party. I've had joint ones before. Sometimes parents buy presents for both children, sometimes just for the one that invited them. One year, we just suggested they made a donation to the school and a lot of people liked the idea and some bought presents anyway. And, yes, I would put the ages on so that they know the kind of party it would be and, if they do want to bring a gift, they have some idea as to what to get.

manhowdy · 09/02/2017 09:49

My DD regularly goes to joint parties (though the kids are the same age - school friends).

Round here the method seems to be to tell us which child to buy for. So they make it explicit that we only need to buy for one child, and tell us which one. I guess this avoids confusion and allows for equal numbers of pressies between the two birthday kids. Works well.

TheElephantofSurprise · 09/02/2017 09:52

Separate invitations to each group of friends. Do mention on both that it is a shared party. Presumably you want parents with the two year olds, so mention that too. No need to mention gifts - certainly don't say 'no presents', as it would be mean to deprive their children of the fun of giving and yours of the fun of receiving.

NavyandWhite · 09/02/2017 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HughJarss · 09/02/2017 09:56

I don't think this is grabby, at all. I'd usually buy for both kids at a joint party, if we knew them both. Sometimes we attend joint parties where we don't know the other birthday child (if it's an out of school friend of friend) and I don't buy for them. I think there's a lot of over thinking on this thread. I'd also never mention presents on an invitation and think it's really weird to say "only buy for the child who invited you". What if two kids from the same class are both friendly with a child... ? I think that could be construed as Lilly invited you but Molly didn't like you enough!

bumsexatthebingo · 09/02/2017 09:59

I've had invitations with both names on when it's been a joint party. If I know both kids I buy for both. If I only know one I'd only buy for that one. Both names being on the invitation wouldn't effect my present buying t all.

NavyandWhite · 09/02/2017 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrscog · 09/02/2017 10:18

I wouldn't think you were being grabby - and I would bring 2 gifts but only because I'd want to!

GwenStaceyRocks · 09/02/2017 10:26

I don't think anyone would decline because they thought they had to bring two gifts. They might decline because of the difference in ages.
But, if I received the invite, I would bring two gifts because of the wording of the invite iyswim.