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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong over this facebook post?

135 replies

user1475002412 · 06/01/2017 18:06

Dd goes to Brownies. I purchased a ticket for her to go to local panto with the Brownies in June 2016. Paid in cash. Asked Brownie leader for receipt, she said they didn't do receipts.

Three days before panto, the Brownie leader posted on the facebook page the arrangements for panto and listed the names of all brownies going. Dd wasnt on list.

I posted asking why my dd not on list. Brownie leader said there was no ticket for her as i hadnt paid. I replied saying i had paid in cashand that dd would be upset if there was no ticket. I admit i was annoyed and then posted that i would like a refund if she hadnt ordered my ticket.

First brownies session today and leader has given out a letter saying she wont tolerate unkindness as she is a volunteer. Pretty sure this comment is aimed at me....

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 06/01/2017 18:09

I used to be a brownie leader and always issued receipts for stuff. To bad about the panto if that has been and gone but you need to get to the bottom of financial doings. What happens when you pay subs are there receipts for those?
Take it up with the District Commissioner if you have concerns.

SidAndNancy · 06/01/2017 18:10

I'd be pissed off too in your situation.

How were things ended? Did you get a refund?

HecateAntaia · 06/01/2017 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMags · 06/01/2017 18:12

Did you get a refund? Did your dd get to go?

Personally, I'd give a letter back saying that even volunteers need to hand out receipts Wink

Original poster
user1475002412 · 06/01/2017 18:14

Dd didnt go to panto as brownie leader didnt reply. I didnt have her tel number so couldnt ring. To be honest dd wasnt too bothered about panto so i let it go.

But now I am anoyed with her public "unkind" comment in the letter! All the parents will know its me!

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 06/01/2017 18:15

Yanbu although an fb group isn't the best place I understand your annoyance and you weren't unkind, just asking for your money back.

I'm a brownie leader and we always give receipts for all payments. Is there another local group you could move DD to if you are still unhappy?

Ilovecaindingle · 06/01/2017 18:16

Aside from the fact she has personally stole your cash??

ChasedByBees · 06/01/2017 18:18

I would take this higher - they need to be more careful with money. I think speaking with her face to face and then making a formal complaint would be a good plan.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2017 18:19

She's stolen your money, it's that simple, were you the only one?

humblesims · 06/01/2017 18:19

The scout group my DSs went to never gave out reciepts either which I found annoying and shortsighted. I always made them write me one anyway. Its crazy to be dealing with small amounts of cash and cheques and not do this. It has nothing to do with them being volunteers its important for them to cover themselves too. I'd be pissed off if my kid had missed a panto (or whatever) because of it. There must have been a discrepency with the cash taken and the number of tickets. I'd call her on it. I have the utmost respect for volunteers - the scout leaders give up loads of their time but on this issue it seems bonkers.

Lilaclily · 06/01/2017 18:20

Sounds terribly disorganised and the letter is ott

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 06/01/2017 18:20

Where is the money you gave her then? You can't let it slide.

Quartz2208 · 06/01/2017 18:21

It might have been better to do it privately but you don't actually sound that rude

AnaMaleka · 06/01/2017 18:21

YANBU - unless your reply was rude? It doesn't sound it from your post here, you just wanted to know, reasonably I think, why DD wasn't listed. And I wouldn't worry about other parents knowing the letter is aimed at you. They must all have a) seen your FB post b) seen her lack of response about it and c) be wondering about the money too, well, at least some.

Also, if Brown Owl doesn't want you to respond on FB, she probably should let you (all) have her phone number?

MadMags · 06/01/2017 18:22

She owes you that money!

I would be complaining to someone above her and demanding the money back.

SnatchedPencil · 06/01/2017 18:23

No, you have done nothing wrong. You have no proof you paid, but since you did pay you have every right to be annoyed and raise your concerns.

Maybe she "won't tolerate unkindness" but using the volunteer excuse is frankly pathetic. Voluntary work does not give one carte blanche to behave however one likes. She made a mistake, you pointing it out is not being "unkind" to her.

Unfortunately this attitude is quite common among volunteers of all sorts, and puts many people off becoming a volunteer. The view is that "I'm doing something for free so I'll do what the hell I like, and don't you dare criticise me." But volunteering doesn't excuse you from obeying the law, or being held to account if you break it. A volunteer in Oxfam will still be fined if they are caught selling a secondhand 18-rated DVD to a 17-year-old. An honest mistake perhaps, in both my example and in yours, but pointing out the mistake is not a crime, is not "unkind".

Perhaps she will learn from this that it is important to give receipts when people hand over their cash - both in case she makes a mistake, or one of the parents does. No doubt she genuinely forgot you paid her, so assumes that you are trying it on, but if anything she is showing "unkindness" to you and your daughter.

Gooseberryfools · 06/01/2017 18:24

What exactly did you say on FB?

It's not unkind to ask where your refund or DD's ticket is

I would email to district management if she doesn't sort the finances out within a fortnight. Sometimes there are misunderstandings but effectively it's theft if she keeps the cash

heavenlypink · 06/01/2017 18:24

For future payments write a "receipt" out yourself and insist she signs it!

category12 · 06/01/2017 18:26

I think it's quite odd you didn't pursue it properly at the time. You should have a phone number for the group leader, and I think it's odd you don't. You should have contacted her privately, not on Facebook publicly - and if you just dropped it like that, it looks like you agreed it was your mistake not hers. She might genuinely have forgotten you paid, if she doesn't keep proper records, which is also odd.

AmeliaJack · 06/01/2017 18:28

I'd contact the District Commission too.

She is a volunteer but she is also responsible for managing the pack funds properly.

For future note, I always hand over subs or fees in an envelope with my DC's name, the date and the activity marked on it. Even if it's a cheque.

Gooseberryfools · 06/01/2017 18:30

I would empathise with you. As a parent with a DD at brownies I'd actually be quite interested to see your FB post. It would make me always text or email after giving payment so that theres some kind of record/confirmation of the exchange.

Itmustbemyage · 06/01/2017 18:32

Not the Brownies but my youngest joined a national group (deliberately keeping it vague) where this sort of thing happened, it turned out a volunteer was taking money (a lot) . It got very nasty for us as parents when we reported it (we were also volunteers) ultimately the organisation did ban the person but we ended up resigning ourselves and removing our child as well. I would hope this wouldn't happen with Brownies but be prepared in case it is not just carelessness with paperwork.

liz70 · 06/01/2017 18:32

I'd be tempted to retort that I don't tolerate theft, fraud and crappy record and account keeping, myself.

Original poster
user1475002412 · 06/01/2017 18:32

My reply, word for word when she said there was no ticket was;

"I definitely paid you in cash for the ticket. My dd will be upset if she misses the panto because you didnt order a ticket. Can you confirm she has a ticket or I will collect my refund at the next session."

OP posts:
ToastieRoastie · 06/01/2017 18:35

She might be struggling with the admin required. I completely understand your upset, but is there a way you or other parents could help? For example next time there is an event, one parent is nominated to if take payments, do receipts and keep proper records of who has paid what.

From the fact she handed out the letter and mentioned people being unkind - it could be that otgers have made comments. Don't assume it's just down to your one comment if you weren't actually rude.