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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over SIL 3 for 2 present comments.

147 replies

Betty162 · 28/12/2016 11:12

Am I being over sensitive or should I be upset over SIL comments?
Basically, yesterday my DH had a conversation with his sister on the phone in the car ( she didn't know that I was in the car) regarding our other SIL( married to their brother). She said that SIL had slagged me off all night when they were out because I had sent her daughter (who I last saw 3 years ago )some of that 3for 2 crap again from my present cupboard. I do normally buy this daughter something in the sale, but something for twice the price that I would normally spend, so this year I gave her the ladies Jack Wills set which would have cost £40 at full price plus a small selection box.we were also going to host NY for BIL and SIL i.e. Taking them out for a meal and we have already booked and paid for a hotel for them to stay over ! I feel extremely hurt and want to cancel NY with them.

OP posts:
SheldonsSpot · 28/12/2016 11:15

Is the sister who was having the conversation with your husband generally a nasty gossip?

If not, then ueah I wouldn't be spending new year with the other IL's and I'd be telling them exactly why.

MrsChrisPratt · 28/12/2016 11:15

What an ungrateful twat!

Paddingtonthebear · 28/12/2016 11:16

How did your husband respond to this?

BravoPanda · 28/12/2016 11:17

I'd cancel and tell them the deal was 2 for 1 this time so they can no longer come.

What a twat of a SIL. Honestly I wouldn't let it slide, I'd tell her flatly that you knew what she'd said and she was ungrateful and rude and is no longer welcome. End of discussion.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/12/2016 11:18

I am sceptical that your SiL spent "all night" slagging you off over such a minor issue/nothing.

Why did other SiL tell your brother this? Is she usually a stirrer? Do you believe her?

Anyway, if it turns out to be the case, I'd leave the gift buying to your husband in future. They're his relies.

BIgBagofJelly · 28/12/2016 11:19

What did your DH say? Why was she slagging just you off surely the gift were from you and DH? Either way she's a spoiled twat.

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 11:21

Why would you buy something for a close family member in the sale?

Toiletries will be past their best and if you haven't seen them for 3 year the clothes may not fit?

Just buy 1 small but carefully thought out gift. No need to buy in the sale to make it look like you have spent more/given a bigger gift. That just generates a whole cycle of unnecessary out of proportion gift giving.

Or if they are adults just say no more gifts.

If one of my family gifted random generic gifts from the present cupboard to my children then I wouldn't be happy as it is thoughtless. I wouldn't say anything though. If you gave me last years Jack Wills then I would think that you were refitting me something that you had given me and that basically you rated me pretty lowly.

MaidOfStars · 28/12/2016 11:21

I minesweep Boots every year after Christmas, for cheap future presents. Nothing wrong with that, so I can't see the issue about cost. However, do you buy other nieces/nephews more personal gifts (IYSWIM)? Maybe it's a complaint about a rather generic present? (Although your niece may love that specific brand, I don't know).

Why is SIL telling your husband this? Has she got form for gossip? And your husband, how did he respond? Was this a speakerphone conversation?

elvis86 · 28/12/2016 11:22

Firstly it was idiotic and rude of your DH not to mention at the beginning of the phone call that SIL was on loudspeaker and that you were in the car. Hijacking someone like that really isn't fair and risks something like this happening.

Why was SIL reporting this to your OH? Seems a bit shit-stirry. Was it because she thought other SIL was out of order? Or worse, was she informing him expecting him to "have a word" so you "improved" the gifts next year?!

A little context would be useful in terms of other SIL's bitching, but in principle obviously she is being an ungrateful cow. If, for example, you'd clearly spent £££s on a sibling and the niece got something clearly cheaper, then perhaps she'd have a point which would be about favouritism rather than value / type of gift.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/12/2016 11:23

What a twat of a SIL. Honestly I wouldn't let it slide, I'd tell her flatly that you knew what she'd said and she was ungrateful and rude and is no longer welcome. End of discussion.

The problem with that approach is that the bitchy SiL may very well fall out with gossipy SiL who repeated the remarks.

Obviously what bitch SiL (may have) said was unpleasant and uncalled for, but who hasn't ever said a nasty, unreasonable thing about someone behind their back, little thinking that some eager beaver (their own sister in this case!) will run away to tell tales?

Original poster
Betty162 · 28/12/2016 11:26

Very, I do believe it unfortunately....She was actually calling our joint SIL a hypocrite as she had given her something from her mothers presents and kept money that her husband had given her to buy presents with.
I think if I left it to my DH nobody would get anything then I would be an even bigger b !

OP posts:
ballsdeep · 28/12/2016 11:28

Why WOULDN'T you buy presents in the sale? Close family member or not! Why on earth spend more money than you need to on exactly the same present. My oh's birthday is in Jan, should I spend more money in December than in Jan? What a silly comment

SheldonsSpot · 28/12/2016 11:29

So how did your H respond to all this? Hmm

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 11:29

Sorry I misunderstood. You gave a niece a last years Jack Wills boots gift set (rucksack type thing?). I thought it was jack wills clothing you were talking about.

Ouch. Ok if under 13. Jack Wills is a tween brand and very past it now (probably in part because it is part of boots 3 for 2). Problem with a last years set is that you cant take it back. Those sets are pushed so much last year that everyone who wanted one would have got one last year.

Ok to buy items like this for your own children but dodgy for a relative you don't know well.

elvis86 · 28/12/2016 11:30

Fine and dandy for your DH's sister to pass on this information regarding your SIL, so long as she's now happy to be quoted when you and DH confront SIL about being such a twat and a hypocrite..Wink

I'd call off NYE plans with SIL for sure.

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 11:31

My oh's birthday is in Jan, should I spend more money in December than in Jan? What a silly comment

That is your OH. You know what he has and doesn't have and what he likes You are gifting in January

You are not buying a generic gift set of toiletries aimed at a very specific demographic (which you are unsure if the potential receiver is part of) and keeping it for a year. Not same at all.

100milesanhour · 28/12/2016 11:33

I would ask if she would prefer not to do presents next year as she was so unhappy with the ones they got this year.

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 11:35

I would ask if she would prefer not to do presents next year as she was so unhappy with the ones they got this year.

That sounds very sensible. Buying gifts for the sake of it is just a waste of time, money and resources. Many people would jump at the chance to stop gift giving.

MouseLove · 28/12/2016 11:35

So which SIL are you unhappy with? The one who told you the nasty comments or the one who made them in the first place. I sense your upset is directed at the wrong SIL?

elvis86 · 28/12/2016 11:37

*"Sorry I misunderstood. You gave a niece a last years Jack Wills boots gift set (rucksack type thing?). I thought it was jack wills clothing you were talking about.

Ouch. Ok if under 13. Jack Wills is a tween brand and very past it now (probably in part because it is part of boots 3 for 2). Problem with a last years set is that you cant take it back. Those sets are pushed so much last year that everyone who wanted one would have got one last year.

Ok to buy items like this for your own children but dodgy for a relative you don't know well."*

God this is so horrible. I didn't even realise that such gift sets (don't really buy them, but generally receive at least one) were stamped with a year and that it was bad form to give "last year's" version?! Surely if the products are still in date then the quality / suitability of the gift isn't any different?

Like I said, context in this particular story may be key, but in general I wouldn't raise a child to be ungrateful if they received a gift of last year's toiletries set rather than this year's.Hmm

Devilishpyjamas · 28/12/2016 11:38

Christmasjolity - you sound an entitled nightmare. Gifts aren't given to be taken back.

OP - do new year but I'd call her on it - say that you hear the present wasn't received well and suggest that now the kids are older you stop trying to buy for them when you don't know them very well. There's so much wasted money at Xmas anyway - not worth the stress

jamdonut · 28/12/2016 11:38

Do people really bother taking presents back?! I can understand if it's clothing that's too small/large, but something like the Jack Wills thing, that you could actually use, (even if it is "last year" )? That seems so ungrateful, somehow.

Original poster
Betty162 · 28/12/2016 11:38

The reason I buy her toiletries/ makeup is because I was told she loves them. I could quite easily put money in an envelope for her. It is very difficult to buy something for an 18 year old that you don't really know.

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 28/12/2016 11:40

Just say now she's 18 and you don't see her you're stopping. Gift buying is so over the top now.

I8toys · 28/12/2016 11:40

I'd question the motives of the SIL who was shit stirring tbh. Is she jealous that you are spending New Years together? I would still invite them and just bring it out in the open.

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