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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset over SIL 3 for 2 present comments.

147 replies

Betty162 · 28/12/2016 11:12

Am I being over sensitive or should I be upset over SIL comments?
Basically, yesterday my DH had a conversation with his sister on the phone in the car ( she didn't know that I was in the car) regarding our other SIL( married to their brother). She said that SIL had slagged me off all night when they were out because I had sent her daughter (who I last saw 3 years ago )some of that 3for 2 crap again from my present cupboard. I do normally buy this daughter something in the sale, but something for twice the price that I would normally spend, so this year I gave her the ladies Jack Wills set which would have cost £40 at full price plus a small selection box.we were also going to host NY for BIL and SIL i.e. Taking them out for a meal and we have already booked and paid for a hotel for them to stay over ! I feel extremely hurt and want to cancel NY with them.

OP posts:

Twinklecomic · 29/12/2016 23:15

Oh and also... cough cough. I have just given you a dose of flu so sadly you will have to cancel your NY get together with her. Shame.

sleeponeday · 29/12/2016 23:17

BooBoo your DD sounds fab.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 29/12/2016 23:21

Oh FFS just let your DH deal with presents for his side of the family and refer any complaints about them to him

pollymere · 30/12/2016 10:02

This is trouble stirring gossip. One SIL is stating something that may have been said by another. Ignore it.

Daydream007 · 30/12/2016 10:13

How awful. I'd be upset too by their nasty comments. You have been very generous with your present buying, how ungrateful.

sniggy01 · 30/12/2016 10:17

I used to buy all presents for my dh family until my ail and her children started to write only to my husband thanking him for their presents. Decided at that point not to buy any more - their his family! I would do exactly the same if I was you op. Guessing other sil was stirring but in my experience don't get involved in family squabbles - rise above it (however much it hurts)

38cody · 30/12/2016 10:23

My mil gave my 18 yr old a £20 Pizza Hut voucher which we thought was hilariously crap. I did tell both my mum and my SIL what she got him and and said a few mocking things. I would be beyond mortified if SIL told her what I said as it's not really a big deal - I'd hate her to know I said that and would think Sol terribly unkind if she repeated it. My point is that whilst I think your gift sounds fine, we all have a little bitch now and then, the one at fault is the gossiping one. Don't trust her and remember the other one never meant to hurt you, I would forgive, have a great new year and suggest that you all drop the niece and nephews presents once they turn 18 as you never know what to get.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 30/12/2016 10:27

A £20 Pizza Hut voucher is ideal for an 18yo, surely? Would it have been better if it had been Pizza Express? Or Nandos?

AgeingArtemis · 30/12/2016 10:36

£20 pizza voucher? Why is that a bad present unless he is allergic to gluten or cheese or has a well-known hatred of pizza, that sounds like a great present!

headinhands · 30/12/2016 10:38

Leave it to your husband to sort his side out. I do and they don't even get Christmas cards but that's his lookout. If any of his family ever said anything to me I'd promptly send them DH's way. Maybe it's a family thing though as I couldn't imagine anyone on his or my side being bothered enough to mention presents.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 30/12/2016 10:38

Maybe they don't like going out

sniggy01 · 30/12/2016 11:20

Actually both my daughters had jack wills sets from boots - both loved them - she should be grateful you thought about her daughter and fave a present

Marynary · 30/12/2016 11:45

I think that giving someone toiletries bought in last year's sales is a pretty cheap and thoughtless present. I don't really see why the receiver should feel grateful considering that the present will probably end up going to charity or being binned and they (or their parent) is probably expected to buy one in return. It's not worth "£40 full price" if nobody wanted to buy it for themselves at the "full price" and if it was bought last year and is probably out of date.
I would much prefer someone didn't get me anything at all rather than bought toiletries in the sale as at least I wouldn't feel the need to buy a present in return.

38cody · 30/12/2016 12:03

Well that's interesting - I thought the Pizza Hut voucher was a weird gift from a grandma, others think it's ok. I would choose to gift the Jack wills set above a pizza voucher personally. It just goes to show that a gift you see as lacking thought may be a well considered gift, just not to your own taste. I think the PH Boucher tacky and made a glib comment to SIL but she would never repeat it! The fault here is not the Op's gift, nor the (possibly casual and glib) comment but the stirring SIL.

Marynary · 30/12/2016 12:08

The fault here is not the Op's gift, nor the (possibly casual and glib) comment but the stirring SIL.

And the OP's DH for not buying presents for his family and for not telling the SIL she was on loudspeaker and OP was there.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 15:43

Presumably the niece was upset

The niece is 18 years old and should be way beyond being 'upset' by a gift she wasn't that keen on.

If she doesn't like it, fine, she gives it away or chucks it in the bin and moves on, FFS. If I had an 18 year old who was 'upset' by an aunt's Christmas gift that was a bit generic, I'd be telling them to grow the fucking hell up and get a grip.

The DH's family sound incredibly bitchy and stirry, to be honest. Also, your DH should obviously have said straight away when he took the call that you were with him.

SabineUndine · 30/12/2016 16:05

I can see both sides of this and I think the root of the problem is giving gifts to someone because it's awkward not to. I had an aunt who always bought stuff on the cheap and it drove my mum nuts because year after year we'd get this crap from her where my mum - on a very tight budget - had spent ages finding something nice to give. In my late teens, my mum just suggested to my aunt that it was time to stop. That said, what we got was never anything as nice as smellies from Boots, it was pound shop stuff and it showed.

If I were you I would simply let your SIL know that you're going to stop giving Christmas gifts as their children are older now and you don't see them, and leave it at that.

sweetkitty · 30/12/2016 16:12

I think your niece should be delighted with any present she receives. Personally I've started giving my nieces £30 for Xmas and birthdays. I don't see anything wrong with giving last years Jack Wills' 3for2 she should be lucky she gets anything, once I reached 16 I got nothing from my aunts before that £5 in a card. I would have loved a gift set.

Ungrateful people.

DebtfreeEarly2018 · 30/12/2016 16:42

At that age extended family members should not or should not be expected to buy gifts for each other, surely, especially if not close in bond and or proximity?
Consumerism gone crazy

Ungrateful mother = ungrateful child

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 30/12/2016 18:11

boo boo your 7 year old sounds awesome

Wannabefit2016 · 01/01/2017 11:46

My new years resolution is to only give one kind of generic gift, and thats a movie/amazon/itunes gift voucher

MaudesMum · 01/01/2017 13:17

With my nephews, given they live at the other end of the country and I don't see them that often, I used to ask their parents what they wanted, and now as they're mid-teen, I ask them directly. And saying that if they don't tell me, it'll be cash or vouchers. They've never been grabby and it means they always get things they really need - one has even started giving me links to the right amazon page... Its working so well now that they have even started asking me what I want in exchange. So that's my top tip - communicate!!

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