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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over SIL 3 for 2 present comments.

147 replies

Betty162 · 28/12/2016 11:12

Am I being over sensitive or should I be upset over SIL comments?
Basically, yesterday my DH had a conversation with his sister on the phone in the car ( she didn't know that I was in the car) regarding our other SIL( married to their brother). She said that SIL had slagged me off all night when they were out because I had sent her daughter (who I last saw 3 years ago )some of that 3for 2 crap again from my present cupboard. I do normally buy this daughter something in the sale, but something for twice the price that I would normally spend, so this year I gave her the ladies Jack Wills set which would have cost £40 at full price plus a small selection box.we were also going to host NY for BIL and SIL i.e. Taking them out for a meal and we have already booked and paid for a hotel for them to stay over ! I feel extremely hurt and want to cancel NY with them.

OP posts:
SparkyStar84 · 28/12/2016 11:43

I would say as a rule don't sit in silence & let the caller know you're there.

Unless SIL actually says something to DH or yourself, I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but perhaps have a joke about it on NYE. Oh other SIL said you moaned about what we got DN. You'll find out if she did or not.

I find kindness works so much better than stooping to another persons level of immaturity. Add in if you have any specific ideas next year in 'X' budget please let me know in advance.

GabsAlot · 28/12/2016 11:44

christmas what are u on about

u dont get stuff in sales u dont try and save money? the sil is actually regifting stuff herself i wouldt even spend half as much

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 11:44

Like I said, context in this particular story may be key, but in general I wouldn't raise a child to be ungrateful if they received a gift of last year's toiletries set rather than this year's.

I didn't say ungrateful. The sets are usually a back pack type thing. Why would someone want or need 2? All toiletries go off- the boots ones are all made by coussins- so that same as soap and glory which goes off incredibly quickly.

The Op doesn't say if the receiver was a child or an adult.

Giving last years sets suggests that you are recycling your last years unwanted stuff as you can't be arsed to think about what they might actually like, want or need. Hardly make you feel special does it?

Boots 3 for 2 are almost all very generic gifts.

Both sisters were thoughtless to make the comments that they did. The OP gave a thoughtless gift.

All forget it and move on. Part of the joy of being a family at Christmas.

DistanceCall · 28/12/2016 11:46

For an 18-year-old you don't know well, yep, money's the way to go.

Devilishpyjamas · 28/12/2016 11:46

If she hasn't seen her for years she's hardly special and should be grateful to get anything, not complaining about the gift.

Just introduce a 'no presents for grown ups' rule and she doesn't have to have anything.

DistanceCall · 28/12/2016 11:48

And I agree with PPs. Your gift was a bit crap and their comments were a bit silly. But don't kick up a fuss over it, because it's seriously not worth it. Next year give your niece money and that's it.

wifeyhun · 28/12/2016 11:50

I would stop buying her gifts from now.

Can't stand ungrateful people.

SheldonCRules · 28/12/2016 11:51

The problem with the Boots 3 for 2 is that everyone knows one item was free so some take offence to be given a gift that cost nothing when they may have spent a lot on the other person.

Buying in the sales for upcoming close birthdays is fine but saving until next Christmas when it's obviously last years packaging and out of date toiletries isn't great. Especially when it's likely you could pick up a nicer gift for the same amount.

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 11:51

u dont get stuff in sales u dont try and save money? the sil is actually regifting stuff herself i wouldt even spend half as much

No. I don't believe in quantity over quality. We give 1 gift each. That might cost £1 or £50. We think about what the receiver might like not about the cost or thinking I need to spend £40 but if I get this for £20 reduced she will think that i spent £40 and spend £40 back on me. For adults we don't give gifts unless we are with them on Christmas Day.

Try it. Costs less. Less environmental damage.

We got over 1000 Boots gift sets donated to our charity last year. They sell for about 10% of the original cost. Some are impossible to sell as no-one wants them at all- even at 20p we can't shift them. Imagine if the original buyer had spent less in the 1st place and not wasted their money. Wouldn't that be better?

elvis86 · 28/12/2016 11:55

Christmasjolity, I personally wouldn't buy a gift set as I only buy for people I know well and can therefore buy something more suitable or personal.

I do receive them though, and I appreciate how thoughtful that the gift-giver thought of me and bought a gift at all. The toiletries get used, so no problem.

Generally agree that if you're at the point of exchanging token gifts maybe you should stop, but the OP's SIL was ungrateful and rude.

Helloitsme87 · 28/12/2016 11:56

Jeeeze. I got a 50p metallic blue eyeliner from my aunt. I'm 26. I didn't care, it's a present. It's Christmas. When did receiving an unwanted gift make the gifter so horrible. Just regift or give to charity. Job done

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 28/12/2016 11:57

How ridiculous and ungrateful. Whatever happened to being thankful for whatever you receive? You gave her some toiletries for goodness sake, it was hardly a wrapped up turd.
The internet is awash at the moment with Present Shaming and people moaning about gifts. It leaves a nasty taste in your mouth.

IvorHughJarrs · 28/12/2016 11:58

Maybe just tell her that you have heard that she didn't approve of your present and you are happy to give cash in future but your niece will then get £25 cash instead of a £40 gift picked out with love and consideration.

I used to work for a high street store so got a discount and used it to be able to give people better gifts than I could have afforded elsewhere. None of my family complained, they were always grateful and polite

CrazyCavalierLady · 28/12/2016 11:59

It's very hard to buy gifts for people you don't know/see so I feel your pain in this respect. I like PPs suggestion of stopping exchanging gifts for/with adults

mummydawn07 · 28/12/2016 12:02

some people are just ungrateful, she should just be thankful you got her dd a present, now days a lot of people only care about the content of a present eg how much it costs and what brand it is, and aren't best pleased when it's not something they want.. I am always grateful for presents for me and my dds, I always go by the saying it's the thought that counts not what the gift is.. tell her where to stick it, I would

christmasjolity · 28/12/2016 12:02

Just regift ,,,. Job done

So take the crap gift that you received and pass it on as a crap gift to someone else?

Namechangeemergency · 28/12/2016 12:05

Why would you buy something for a close family member in the sale?

Why on earth wouldnt you?

If my sister wants something but I can't afford it full price I will get in in the sale rather than buy her something she is not fussed about.

Gift buying is not about demonstrating how much money you want people to think you have.

Its about trying to get someone you love or like something that will please them.

I don't get the sale snobbery. Why the hell would I buy make up and skin care for my relatives I won't see until the New Year at full price? Confused

JustSpeakSense · 28/12/2016 12:06

I think it is rude and completely unacceptable for people to be commenting on their gifts and even worse, judging what other people have given and received. Your SIL both sound like absolute ungrateful bitches.

Your gift sounds fine for an 18 year old, but even if it was completely unsuitable it should still have been received graciously (which it obviously wasn't)

I wouldn't be able to just keep quiet about it, I'd have to let the family know how hurt I was and I'd not be getting any of them gifts in the future.

Helloitsme87 · 28/12/2016 12:06

Christmas- one makes trash is another mans treasure

80sMum · 28/12/2016 12:07

We have a rule of no gifts for over-18s except immediate family. I still give my adult DCs some money at Christmas but that's it. The only people I buy gifts for are the grandchildren (and that will probably turn into money-only gifts when they're in their early teens).

So, we give nothing to adult nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, aunts etc and expect nothing in return. It works! Costs nothing. Saves a lot of waste and hassle.

GabsAlot · 28/12/2016 12:07

i never said quantity-u sound like a snob

this niece hasnt been seen for years what would u get them a diamond necklace?

ffs i got shit presents from my aunt every year but she always made mee laugh and happy that was more important

Helloitsme87 · 28/12/2016 12:07

Also I said give to charity as well. Jeeeze. What is it with the present police today Hmm

JustHappy3 · 28/12/2016 12:10

I think gossipy sil is one to watch. But also other sil isn't that nice with her comments. However the important one here is your neice. Her view would be the one i was interested in - does she want cash or a gift to open? She's not slagged anything off.

alltouchedout · 28/12/2016 12:11

People are rude, OP, and for some reason cannot understand that a gift is not an entitlement for which you can set rules and make demands, but a kindness for which you say "thank you". If anyone thinks it is acceptable to bitch and complain because a present you have been given is not something you would have chosen to receive, they really do not deserve presents at all.

diddl · 28/12/2016 12:11

Presumably the niece was upset & it's not just her mother taking umbrage unnecessarily?