AIBU to be upset over SIL 3 for 2 present comments.

[Betty162]

Am I being over sensitive or should I be upset over SIL comments?
Basically, yesterday my DH had a conversation with his sister on the phone in the car ( she didn't know that I was in the car) regarding our other SIL( married to their brother). She said that SIL had slagged me off all night when they were out because I had sent her daughter (who I last saw 3 years ago )some of that 3for 2 crap again from my present cupboard. I do normally buy this daughter something in the sale, but something for twice the price that I would normally spend, so this year I gave her the ladies Jack Wills set which would have cost £40 at full price plus a small selection box.we were also going to host NY for BIL and SIL i.e. Taking them out for a meal and we have already booked and paid for a hotel for them to stay over ! I feel extremely hurt and want to cancel NY with them.

I bought my neices Jack Wills gift sets this year. They should have been £50 but were half price well before Xmas. I thought they were lovely and I would normally only spend about £20 on a gift. I am worried now!!

Slightly off topic but it really annoys me when people presume I'll be buying all the gifts for my DP's family. No one presumes he's buying the gifts for mine.
I have noticed that it is usually the woman's responsibility to buy gifts and if they didn't do this then the men would end up buying nothing. Well I say let your DHs and DPs take some responsibility for their own fucking family!

colourmylife absolutely! My mum has stopped doing xmas cards and presents for my dad (to be honest she still does FAR too much- like 80-90% of all the household stuff, and they both work full time but "he earns more"

This year he was frantically writing xmas cards on friday the 23rd and didn't even buy his dad a christmas present, let alone his other family

Funny, just used the opened Molton Brown in the guest bathroom that I opened last Christmas. It hasn't gone off. It doesn't smell funny. And sell dates on most cosmetics are the biggest marketing ploy of them all

Op this must be very uncomfortable for you, but you don't know how the conversation went with your two sil. Some people are inclined to exaggeration and what could have been an innocent remark from sil has been taken out of context and retold with a spin. I know from old how devisive my sil is. Sil 2 could have said, yes well my daughter isn't too keen on jack wills any more, I think they were selling for 3 for 2. Gossipy sil could have run with it and enjoyed every moment of retelling it, after all why let the truth get in the way of a good story? Assuming you haven't said anything yet I'd be inclined to let gossipy sil know you heard the conversation. I'd be inclined to send a text saying that you'd overheard her talking to dh regarding dns disappointment. Smiley faces and hope to get it right next year. Then text other sil, heard on grapevine dn may have been disappointed with present, sorry she's not keen on it, we'll send money next year lol. You've got it out in the open, texts are inoffensive and sil 2 has a chance to defend herself.

Haha, my fashionista DS got the JW grey backpack, water bottle and toiletries from a relative and was delighted. Perfect for his new eye wateringly expensive football boots and he loves smellies.

Once a child gets to 7 or so, I always, always give a voucher to a large toyshop. Once they get to 9, it's cash. I am under no illusion that I'll be able to keep au fait with what kids want, or what is cool, and I remember the endless smiling gratefully and writing of pained thank you letters at stuff I wouldn't dream of using or wanting, as a child and teenager. I'd far rather they were delighted with the money.

And it was never about the thought, because mostly, people give no thought to buying junior relatives' presents. There's a this'll-do approach. Why not make life easier on yourself, and spread some actual joy at the same time? Nice card with a crisp 20 in it, all the way.

Having said that, one of your SIL (and possibly both) is obnoxious. You aren't obligated to give anyone anything at all, and you sound very generous over the visit, to say the least.

I look on bad presents as a chance to teach the kids about gratitude and manners. Not a chance to display the opposite.

Omg, did someone really say OUCH to a present from 'Last year' lol, Jesus. A guft, is a gift, is a gift! I get all sorts from my family, who are extremely well off, however, the more well off they get, the stingier their pressies become but I don't care! I wouldn't care if someone gave me a bath bomb that was out of date in '92! Its not the point! Anyone who has a problem being gifted from the sales rack, you're a blooming snob! lol, I would firstly have sent out a letter saying from now on, the only gifts being sent are to the kids! Let alone you are paying for a hotel and taking them for a meal! Can I come! I don't care if you gift wrap an old hanky for me if I get a night in a hotel! :-)

i'm sorry but present is a present. be grateful or be vulgar

My 7 year old dd was given a paw patrol top from a friend of mine this Xmas, on opening she declared that her 2 favourite characters were on the top, it was a little on the small side and still had the sale sticker on it! 3 year old dd pointed out the next day as both were wearing the matching tops that 7 yo hates paw patrol. Her response was that yes she doesn't like paw patrol at all but it was given by someone important so she loves it anyway. I think my just turned 7 year old has a lot to teach a lot of you!

That'll be the last present then. Just say you only buy for close family and children and 18 isn't a child anymore.

Utter ungrateful bitchery

I don't think it was last years JW rucksack, pretty sure they had one out this year as well. It would have went down very well even if it was last years here as my middle daughter got that set & my oldest ( 17 ) keeps " borrowing " the rucksack as she loves JW as well.

Just because something is on 3 for 2 or is reduced does not mean it is not a great gift, or that it is not still a generous high priced gift.

Even if it did, and again, it doesn't, she should be grateful you give anything and not look a gift horse in the mouth.

She sounds very unreasonable and next year I would get her a box of unbranded chocolates, cross through the price and put 30p, leave the label on with some smears of dirt, a few rips and dents and another label saying free with petrol purchase. Do not wrap up.

No. just no. Stop sending presents. You don't see her often, she is 18 and her and her mother should just be grateful whether or not you send her a selection box on its own!

I am close to my aunt and every year she asks for suggestions for me. I give them, and each year without fail she goes off list and buys me very expensive makeup that I can't wear. I thank her then regift to my friend who has a birthday in January and luckily has the same skin tone as the makeup I get. My aunt is happy, my friend is happy (and thinks she has a VERY generous friend) win win. No bitching or being ungrateful needed!

Boo boo I love your 7 yr old 😍

I have a friend who always buys within the original price bracket.
Let's say it's a secret Santa gift and the limit is £10. She finds a £10 gift at half price and still looks for something else to go with it because she hasn't spent £10. I find this bizarre. On the day of the big reveal, her work colleague gets £15-£20 worth of goods (not damaged boxed goods either by any means) but my friend is puzzled but when very little goes thought goes into the gift she receives (not from same person).

I don't see what the problem is when buying gifts at a reduced price and then just stop shopping. Thing is that teens and young adults know very well what's popular and what's so last year. They are harder to buy for which is why cash gifts or gift cards work. Not always the case for the purchaser though when they are shopping on a budget.

OP, I would cut down on the gift giving next year. Or you could be blunt and state that you had no clue what to buy her...you heard through the grapevine about her disappointment this year and so have opted to donate to a charity on her behalf. That will give your SIL a new edge on gossiping .
And if the rumours are true, no I wouldn't be spending my NYE with SIL. Cancel.

Cheap toiletries are less likely to go off than expensive ones. Not that that's the point - an 18yo is upset because a relative she hasn't seen for years buys her a present that isn't the stuff her dreams are made of? That's ridiculous.

This is one of the reasons why I'm glad I have a small family, and a DH who buys the presents for his side.
There isn't anyone I would give a present to that I haven't seen for years, and if I wasn't sure what to buy for my niece or nephew I would ask one of their parents for suggestions.

I'd like to think I've brought my son up to appreciate any gift no matter what it is...he doesn't particularly like chocolate so once the guests have gone he hands over the numerous selection boxes to DH...no one's feelings are hurt and one very happy DH! I'm shocked at the lack of manners these days!

So rude. What did DH say Betty?

If she's the oldest niece/nephew definitely institute a stop gifting policy at age 18.

If you've already bought and paid for the hotel are you likely to get your money back? And is this worth a family fall-out over? It should still be addressed. But by your DH.

Jack Wills products were on sale in boots this year too. They are defo not out of date as all the kids in my town rave about anything Jack Wills. Also for all of those who get upset about re-gifting or gifting cheap presents, I gave my SIL's daughter the cheapest soap and glory set I could find AND I used a boots gift voucher someone else had given me as a leaving work present over 12 months ago! So didn't spend a penny and used a gift that was bought for me! Any gift given to me or my children is gratefully received no matter how cheap it may be. It's a gift and you accept is graciously whether you like it or not and if you want to give it away you can because it's yours to give!

I'd give an Amazon gift vouchers in future. You seem to be putting in a lot of cost and effort into NY. Does this SiL ever reciprocate? I would do this year but not offer again. Be cool with her and let her try to guess why.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman why didn't your husband ask where they had left your presents? And had they done that previously, as none seem to ever have been passed on!

OMG... I am just horrified by some of the reactions to the OP's posting! Personally, I am thrilled if anyone gives me or my kids anything ever, and I always think it's really nice of them. I wouldn't know (or care) if it was a three for two buy or was in last year's sale I'd just be touched. When did the, "It's the thought that counts" stop being a thing? OP I think you sound really nice and generous and I'd happily adopt you as a relative any day - it's horrible to get a kick in the teeth like you've just had. I'd be sick to the stomach- gutted. However I am of the view (being old, and war-scarred) that its not worth while being around anyone horrible, either (so-called) friends or family and I'd kick them to the kerb. Have done it in fact. (It's surprisingly easy, once you get started). So my Christmas list is short, and consists only of the sweet. So, we are delighted with anything we get, and expect that the people we give to will be likewise.