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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over SIL 3 for 2 present comments.

147 replies

Betty162 · 28/12/2016 11:12

Am I being over sensitive or should I be upset over SIL comments?
Basically, yesterday my DH had a conversation with his sister on the phone in the car ( she didn't know that I was in the car) regarding our other SIL( married to their brother). She said that SIL had slagged me off all night when they were out because I had sent her daughter (who I last saw 3 years ago )some of that 3for 2 crap again from my present cupboard. I do normally buy this daughter something in the sale, but something for twice the price that I would normally spend, so this year I gave her the ladies Jack Wills set which would have cost £40 at full price plus a small selection box.we were also going to host NY for BIL and SIL i.e. Taking them out for a meal and we have already booked and paid for a hotel for them to stay over ! I feel extremely hurt and want to cancel NY with them.

OP posts:
sj257 · 28/12/2016 15:26

I can't ever bring myself to get het up over apparently "thoughtless" presents. I have given them and also received them. I think it's difficult to buy for my great aunt in her 70s so get her smellies. She got us some placemats that aren't to our taste. Either way we have thought about each other enough to buy gifts, they may not be exactly what we wanted but such is life and I think it is to be expected when there is such a big age gap.

KurriKurri · 28/12/2016 15:34

Oh God these threads where people analyse the quality of a gift and dismiss it because it is not up to their standard make me cringe - where have manners gone?

You get a gift, you smile and say 'thank you very much, how kind'. The end.
You do not bitch and moan and declare a gift that is too cheap or generic for you to be thoughtless.
Can people seriously put hours of thought into every little thing they have to buy? I save the personal gifts for close family, anyone more distant gets whatever I have time to get. But then I don't have time to endlessly cruise round shops having an internal philosphical discussion about the meaning behind every item on sale.

This si why people fall out at Christmas because some people think it is OK to act like you are Queen Receiver Of Gifts and must be utterly satisfied and pandered to.
Grow the fuck up and use your bloody bubble bath set. Or give it to a women's refuge where they might appreciate some nice toiletries.

BlurryFace · 28/12/2016 15:40

A toiletry set and chocs is a perfectly normal go-to gift for a teen you don't know well, Christ, it'd do for me. I spent my childhood receiving all sorts of nice things not to my taste from rarely seen Uncles, it's not unusual and I doubt my parents were bitching about them behind their backs. 18's old enough to take it on the chin and suggest a voucher for their preferred shops next year.

Your SILs sound a pair of cat's arse faced gossips.

scaryteacher · 28/12/2016 15:51

Christmas I was using Laura Ashley No. 1 in the 80s, and you could only buy it in Laura Ashley, it was never, ever in Boots.

diddl · 28/12/2016 15:54

"Surely if your DC doesn't like a gift they receive you teach them that it's the thought that counts, "

But that's my point-we don't know if the recipient has even said anything, do we?

In which case two other adults carping on is just bloody ridiculous!

holidaysaregreat · 28/12/2016 16:01

I wouldn't cancel NY plans on the basis of what one SIL said about other SIL. However lots of people stop gifts to kids once they reach 18, so YANBU to mention in passing you won't do gifts from now on.
I had a load of grief from my brother slating my gifts to his DC last Christmas - accused of being thoughtless. It wasn't thoughtless or any less value than what he had spent, just not what they wanted. They also got some cash. The gifts they didn't want got deliberately returned in a round about way to make a point they were unwanted. They weren't gift sets but were specific to a place we all go. Just not wanted.
So I have stopped buying grown up presents after the rudeness and just gave cash and big box of American Candy this year. I doubt the cash will be returned.
It is upsetting - we all get things we aren't fussed about but just smile and say thanks.
My gift from DB and SIL last Christmas was a generic No7 face set which I gifted to the food bank. Mainly as I couldn't face using it after all the nastiness.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2016 16:04

It is very difficult to buy something for an 18 year old that you don't really know

A Jack Willis generic gift set is very unlikely then to hit the mark.

Jack Wills opened a branch here when my son was 17 and I thought he would like a tweed jacket to replace the worn out Harris tweed jacket of mine he was wearing. Fortunately I didn't buy it without mentioning it. He loathed and still loathes Jack Wills for many reasons - on clothes front because they are an over priced and lazy way of selling a look that can be achieved far more cheaply with a bit of effort from second hand stores.

Unless you really know an 18 year old very well probably best stick to cash.

Namechangeemergency · 28/12/2016 16:06

Its the ultimate marketing trick
Clearly it isn't. We all know its never on sale separately and many of us buy it in the sales.
I buy things for myself in the sales and stock up.
I know how long things last and presumably as you wouldn't touch this tat with a barge pole you haven't tested its longevity? Confused

You seem to assume that people buy Boots stuff instead of something more expensive. Do you not understand that for many people buying Boots stuff is what they can afford, not what they deem someone is worth?

You appear to think that Boots toiletries are for plebs. No wonder you were offended at someone buying them for your daughter.

Of course this is about snobbery. You are just attempting to justify it.

Namechangeemergency · 28/12/2016 16:09

For balance. Molton Brown also goes off really badly. Fades and loses its scent really quickly unless wrapped and stored in the dark

FGS Chanel No 5 will go off if you keep it out of its box in the light.
Most things will.

If Molton Brown is up to your standards yet it still goes off if keep out of its packaging why are you objecting to Boots etc on those grounds?

Surely you just don't like any toiletries because they all eventually go off if kept in unsuitable conditions?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2016 16:11

You haven't seen their dd for some years yet you're spending NYE with your sil? Odd

I agree. I don't get the impression this family like each other much. I know we tend to do it different up here but Hogmanay/NYE is spent with friends.

Laniakea · 28/12/2016 16:14

"Surely if your DC doesn't like a gift they receive you teach them that it's the thought that counts, "

Where's the thought in buying someone a generic 3 for 2 toiletries set in the sale?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2016 16:17

Christmas I was using Laura Ashley No. 1 in the 80s, and you could only buy it in Laura Ashley, it was never, ever in Boots.

I agree. I used to buy Laura Ashley perfume. It was only sold in Laura Ashley shops.

KnittedBlanketHoles · 28/12/2016 16:38

If the present was unsuitable it really was DH's responsibility. And, he just let his sister relate a nasty take about you with you just sat there... I'm surprised you haven't received more responses that you have a dh problem!

RobinSnood · 28/12/2016 16:42

christmasjolity - hahahahaha

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2016 17:00

I'm surprised you haven't received more responses that you have a dh problem!

Well yes.

The whole dynamic of this family seems odd to me- from the sending gifts to almost adult children you haven't seen in three years; to 2 adult women petty enough to spend an evening talking about one of the gifts; to a sister phoning her brother to report back the bitchy conversation; to the OP not saying "hi" when her husband answered the phone in the car (presumably it was on speaker?); to husband not mentioning OP was there; to spending NYE together.

Fairyliz · 28/12/2016 17:01

Am I the only person on this thread that stocks up on these gift sets in the sale for my own use?
(Misses point of thread)

RB68 · 28/12/2016 17:16

Doesn't anyone else wonder why these people are buying each other presents at all, they don't see each other and they don't like each other...

KurriKurri · 28/12/2016 17:24

No Fairyliz you aren't Grin I don't get the toiletries snobbery on MN - do people not wash any more? Or do they only bathe in Asses Milk?

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2016 17:42

No FairyLiz you definitely are not !

I don't get the anti- toiletry snobbery. Around 23/12 I noticed we were running really low on soap and shower gel. I don't bulk buy these things and I was seriously pondering opening a couple of presents early!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 28/12/2016 17:45

Sorry I meant to reply to RB68 not Fairy

No RB68 You are not alone.

Doesn't anyone else wonder why these people are buying each other presents at all, they don't see each other and they don't like each other

AgeingArtemis · 28/12/2016 18:36

christmasjolity I agree with you, I think girls are more likely to get crap toiletries than boys. I feel sorry for your DD but she sounds lovely!

I had a similar situation when I was a teen- not boots toiletry sets (thank god!) but really cheap costume jewelry or glittery scarves that looked like they came from poundland, or the supermarket at best. I was VERY much a tomboy, and insanely jealous of the boys getting playstation games or 20 quid HMV vouchers Grin

Obviously I wouldn't say anything ungrateful though! Thankfully we didn't actually spend xmas day with the gift-giver, so was able to quietly put it to one side to charity shop later, it would have been awkward to feign effusive gratitude.

Allthewaves · 28/12/2016 18:53

I'd be sending text to them saying you won't be doing presents anymore now that dn is 18 as other sil has informed you they are not to dn taste.

Allthewaves · 28/12/2016 18:54

Then stand back for the fireworks

Allthewaves · 28/12/2016 18:56

This thread has reminded me why I stop all presents except for nearest and dearest

BIgBagofJelly · 28/12/2016 18:59

Where's the thought in buying someone a generic 3 for 2 toiletries set in the sale?

It's about the level of thought you expect from someone you barely see. It wasn't like it was from her partner who you could expect a thoughtful gift from. If you expect a heartfelt gift from every random relative you don't see much then you're going to be disappointed. Have a little gratitude, or at least the good manners to keep your complaints to yourself.